


Wolf Howls

by Amethystina



Series: The Thunder Moon Chronicles [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Romance, Sexual Situations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:40:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 50,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethystina/pseuds/Amethystina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of one shots taking place in the Thunder Moon Chronicles-verse, set after the main series. It's for those of you who want to see how Stiles and Derek's relationship develops in the months following those events. There will also be sex. Finally. </p><p>The one shots reference back to the three main parts but can be read separately if you desperately want to, but I do recommend reading the series from the start for the best experience.</p><p>The one shots included are: The Dinner, Halloween, The Fight, Christmas, The Date, Valentine's Day, The First Time, and an epilogue. There is also a short bonus ficlet titled The Cold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> These one shots vary in length and theme - as well as the time span between them - but they are in chronological order and will deal with various important moments in Derek and Stiles' relationship. There's angst, pain and some tears but most of all fluff and love. Because we all need that after the ordeals taking place in the main story.
> 
> [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) is still my wonderful beta and you can find me over at my [Tumblr](http://amethystinawrites.tumblr.com/) if you have any questions!  
> The banners from the entire series can be found [HERE](http://amethystinawrites.tumblr.com/post/56561655568/banners-for-my-frankly-ridiculously-long-sterek)
> 
> I will be taking some liberties with Derek in this first one but we all know that this is an AU anyway so just roll with it. I basically just gave him a job, because I think he needs a purpose in life. So sue me.
> 
> Now buckle up, my lovelies! It's time for the promised dinner with Papa Stilinski!

 

* * *

 

Stiles wasn't particularly religious but he couldn't help wondering if it would be too late to start praying for a miracle right about now – because some sort of divine intervention would undoubtedly be needed to ensure all participants survival. Stiles just knew that someone would be dead before the end of the night and he suspected that it would be either him or Derek. Neither a favorable option.

Okay, Scott thought that Stiles was exaggerating. It was just a dinner. But that was where Scott was wrong because it was _The_ Dinner. The one with a capital T and D and it would be the end of the world as Stiles knew it. Derek was coming over for dinner. _Family dinner_. And the three of them – Stiles, Stiles' dad and Derek – would sit down and have some lovely conversation over a nice bite of food.

It was going to be a disaster.

Not only because his dad insisted that home cooked food was the way to go but neither of them were exactly culinary masterminds, and then there was the slight issue of his dad doing it mostly to have an excuse to thoroughly interrogate Derek. And Stiles knew how little Derek liked being pushed into corners or made to answer questions. Fact was that Derek usually just chose not to do it at all. But he had agreed to this for some insane reason and Stiles just couldn't understand what had possessed him to do that.

In the quieter parts of his mind – the one that wasn't freaking out over the mere prospect of the three of them in the same room without any emergency exits – Stiles was secretly a little flattered that Derek was willing to go through with it. Stiles had expected his alpha to just flat out reject the idea. Instead he had looked contemplative and a little uncomfortable, his usual frown in place, and eventually given a grim nod. So it was safe to say that Derek wasn't exactly looking forward to it but would at least make an effort. Stiles appreciated that even if he also feared for Derek's safety; not to mention their continued association.

While Stiles could admit that the likelihood of one of them dying wasn't really that great the results of The Dinner could still affect his and Derek's relationship. Or Stiles' relationship with his dad for that matter. His dad's acceptance of the whole thing still seemed to be in the probationary stages and Stiles was terrified that something would happen tonight that would make him call it all off. Stiles didn't want that and he didn't want to have to argue with his dad about it – because he would. He definitely would, if his dad tried to make Stiles and Derek break up.

They hadn't exactly been together long and Stiles would be damned if he lost it already. It was true that once the overhanging panic – that had essentially been what finally pushed them together – wasn't there anymore the urgency of the whole thing had faded somewhat. But the novelty and toe curling giddiness sure hadn't. Stiles still grinned from ear to ear whenever he saw Derek, the alpha responding with a roll of his eyes but really, his was always fighting a smile and that was what counted.

It was a calm, private thing for the most part. There had been no public handholding or kissing and while Stiles would bring it up eventually he hadn't really felt the need to do so yet. Because he still touched Derek. A _lot_ and pretty much all the time. A brush of a hand there, a bump here, teasingly ruffling his hair or tugging at his shirt when wanting to catch his attention. The best part of it was that Derek allowed it, sometimes with a suffering little sigh as if Stiles was a particularly affectionate yet very annoying puppy, but at least he let Stiles do it.

Derek even returned the touches sometimes.

Most often it was when he wanted Stiles to move somewhere, which he aided with a guiding hand, usually just below Stiles' neck or at the small of his back. At first Stiles had wondered if Derek was trying to treat him like a girl but eventually realized that it had more to do with wolfyness than anything else. Derek liked touching him on places that would show that they were close – that they trusted each other.

After Stiles had figured that out he didn't mind it one bit and even made sure to touch Derek back when it seemed appropriate. Derek never once flinched or seemed uncomfortable to have Stiles close to his back or touching areas that could be considered as vulnerable – because they trusted each other.

All of it was rather sweet actually, if the rest of the pack's reactions was anything to go by. They seemed to treat Stiles and Derek's relationship like something that wasn't necessary to comment on since everybody knew about it anyway; almost as if it had always been there and nothing had really changed.

It was both comforting and a little anticlimactic.

Stiles knew for a fact that many of them hadn't known but sometime after the events with the rival pack a memo must to have circled around since everyone now seemed utterly informed about Stiles and Derek's love life. Or technically lack thereof.

They had both kept everything nice and decent, partly because they knew that Stiles' dad was keeping an eye on them but mostly because it was still a little awkward and hesitant. The first week after the full moon and the final battle with the other pack they had been too preoccupied with the aftermaths of that to really have time for anything else. Stiles and Derek had barely seen each other.

The week after _that_ had been full of blissful moments alone with lots of closeness and rushed make outs, but then the awkwardness kicked in somewhere along the way. The high faded and once it did they realized that while they were definitely into it and each other they weren't always that good together as people. They were actually as incompatible as they could get while still being very compatible.

Kissing Derek was still fucking awesome and Stiles wouldn't mind doing it all the time, but they were still testing the boundaries, trying to work their way around Derek's chronic issues with closeness and Stiles' habit of being pretty tactless. It wasn't a very good combination and while they functioned nearly flawlessly with and around the pack – as long as flawlessly included lots of touching, staring matches and constant bickering of course – being in private was a little tense.

Neither of them seemed to know what to expect and what was allowed and without panic to push them onwards they often came to sudden standstills, until Stiles tugged them towards whatever he could think of to fill their time with.

It was slowly getting better though so Stiles just assumed that it – like anything else when dealing with Derek – would be a slow but steady progress that proved to be well worth it in the end. And Stiles wasn't really complaining. While he was a horny teenager he also had a lot of time to calmly get over his own nerves whenever it involved anything related to his and Derek's relationship.

Being near Derek – who was depressingly close to physical perfection in Stiles' humble opinion – was both amazing and a little nerve wrecking. Stiles didn't want to botch it up. So the slow pace made sure that he got used to the whole thing without embarrassing himself completely or, well, getting a little too ahead of things due to inexperience. He had a feeling that would only last for so long though, but he wasn't going to count the days or weeks until it happened. He and Derek were content for now and kept all of the promises to his dad. That was what mattered.

That precious status quo could very well come to an end tonight though, when they would be faced with Stiles' dad and his scrutiny for the first time. The only reason why The Dinner hadn't already taken place weeks ago was because Stiles' dad wanted to be rid of the cast on his leg and broken ribs before he agreed to it. Probably so that he would be in good enough physical condition to hunt Derek down if necessary.

Stiles tried not to feel unsettled by that but it wasn't really working.

Fact was that they had of course been in the same room as his dad before, Derek always polite if a little reserved, but they hadn't really _talked_. And Stiles knew that that was what would happen tonight.

While Stiles had relayed his dad's conditions for their relationship to Derek and Derek had agreed Stiles knew that his dad would want to hear it in person. And probably repeat and explain in detail why it was important to keep said rules. Stiles couldn't really blame him because the rules where reasonable – and he knew that his dad felt about as awkward about it as Stiles and Derek did – but it did seem a little overbearing. It was just a relationship, not the Treaty of Versailles.

Still, it was happening because refusing would just make things look even worse and Stiles was definitely not going to do that. He and Derek were good together even if it was still a little tentative and his dad would just have to accept that, but hopefully he'd give them his blessing too. Stiles would really want that.

That of course didn't mean that he wasn't nervous as hell and flailed around in the kitchen, trying to be everywhere at once. His dad calmly did his part, watching Stiles with an almost insulting level of amusement. He looked a little tense though so Stiles knew that he wasn't completely at ease. Neither party would be. The entire situation was bound to cause anxiety and Stiles felt that there was no use trying to be graceful about it. He was freaking out and the world would know it.

"Stiles, try to calm down. It's not that bad," his dad suggested with a small shrug, the smug bastard.

Stiles pressed his lips together into what might very well be a rather impressive imitation of one of Derek's favorite expressions.

"Not that bad? You are doing this only because you want to interrogate Derek and you're probably going to scare him off forever! I'm not going to be calm about it!"

"I'm not going to scare him off." His dad sounded insulted but really, he wasn't fooling anyone.

"Yes, yes, you are. You are going to be rude and unnecessarily hostile and Derek hates that – heck, everybody hates that. You're going to make him talk, Dad, and Derek doesn't _like_ to talk!"

His dad frowned.

"Then how do you two communicate? Because you talk a lot, son."

"That's the thing. I talk until he folds or until his glare makes me fold. It varies depending on the subject and situation but works for both parties."

His dad remained in thoughtful silence for a moment before he gave Stiles a contemplative look. Stiles was busy pulling out a cutting board and a knife for the vegetables. There would always be vegetables on their table because his dad needed to be careful with what he ate.

"If you're so against this then why did you forward the invitation in the first place?"

Stiles gritted his teeth and took out some of his frustration on the poor defenseless tomatoes. No vegetable deserved to be chopped as violently as Stiles did it but it wasn't like they could object.

"Because I know that it's important. Because I know that you only want what's best for me – even if your standards are ridiculously high – and because I actually want the two of you to like each other. I want this to work. I really do. And if suffering through this dinner while you passively aggressively – or even aggressively aggressively – play 20 questions with Derek will make you satisfied, well, then I will." Stiles turned to look at his dad. "And so will he. Because he obviously wants this to work too. He wouldn't have agreed otherwise. He knows that it's important to me and important to you so he'll do it, despite how much he hates – and I mean really _hates_ – talking. That's why."

Stiles could apparently do passive aggressive rather well too. His dad looked surprised at the low, muttered outburst but something seemed to soften in his gaze.

"Stiles, I'm not doing this to intentionally make things difficult for you."

"No, that's just an unfortunate side effect," Stiles gritted out while turning back to his vegetables.

He felt unreasonably cranky and his dad must have sensed that to some degree because he just sighed with a small shake of his head before they continued to prepare the food in silence. Stiles didn't want to talk about it. He really didn't, because whenever he did he got so afraid that either his dad or Derek was going to say 'screw it' and call it off. Stiles might be a little more afraid that Derek would do so than his dad, but both were terrible scenarios. And probable ones.

Derek could easily decide that Stiles wasn't worth the trouble or his dad might just conclude that Derek wasn't suitable for Stiles after all and send him away. Stiles didn't want that to happen. Ever.

Stiles moved on to setting the table when the food was just about done. He and his dad still kept the tense silence that had settled between them but it didn't bother Stiles as much as it probably should have. He was a little agitated and wanted his dad to notice. He wasn't against the whole dinner concept in general – he hadn't been lying when he said that he wanted Derek and his dad to at least be able to be in each other's presence – but he didn't like that his dad would use it as a pretence to push Derek into answering questions that he no doubt didn't want to answer. It was just mean.

When the doorbell rang Stiles nearly jumped out of his own skin. He was way too tense.

"I'll get it!" he called before heading for the door. His dad didn't object even if they both knew that Derek was going to be the one standing out there on the porch.

Derek looked calm as ever when Stiles opened the door, dressed in a simple grey Henley, jeans and his trademark leather jacket. He seemed to have taken extra care to make sure that neither garment was ripped or bloody though and that was rather adorable if nothing else. Stiles felt a lump appear in his throat when he met Derek's slightly questioning look, as if the alpha could tell that something was wrong. Of course he would notice.

Stiles made a wounded noise in the back of his throat before he took the step between them and just hugged him. Derek stiffened a little, clearly not sure if hugging was okay considering the reason they were all there, but when Stiles burrowed his face against Derek's neck with another tiny whine Derek relaxed, probably because he realized that Stiles needed it.

"Just let me hug you, alright?" Stiles mumbled while Derek tentatively – as if he wasn't sure if he was doing it right – let his hands rest on Stiles' back.

It was a somewhat awkward hug but it was still Derek which meant that it was awesome. Stiles wanted to keep it for as long as possible. He wanted to treasure it one more time before the trial also known as The Dinner started.

Who knew what their relationship would look like once it was over?

"Stiles, calm down." Derek's voice was low, almost soft, in Stiles' ear. "Your heart is beating like crazy."

Stiles chuckled but without much humor.

"That's because I'm terrified."

"Of what?"

Stiles pulled back enough to look Derek in the eye. Derek, who seemed completely gathered and unfazed. The bastard.

"You know what, Derek. Just because you _look_ calm doesn't mean that you are – I know you better than that. I know that you're just as nervous as I am; you just hide it better."

A small fraction of a smile was all the confirmation Stiles got that he might have been right. Derek was never one to admit to his flaws or weaknesses after all.

To Stiles' infinite surprise Derek leaned in and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Stiles' lips. Derek rarely instigated things when it came to intimacy, which made the gesture all the sweeter. Stiles had on a stupidly dorky grin when they pulled apart and Derek cuffed him lightly on the head.

"Relax."

Stiles nodded and reluctantly backed out of Derek's embrace, knowing that if he lingered too long his dad would come looking for them and that would only end in disaster. So instead Stiles took a deep breath, forced a smile and gestured for Derek to take off his jacket before he twined their fingers together and lead Derek deeper into the house.

Derek had of course been there before but Stiles wanted – needed – the closeness and Derek made no move to let go. Not even when they found themselves standing in front of Stiles' dad and Stiles was pretty certain that Derek wanted nothing more than to bolt for the door.

His back was stiff and face carefully blank but he didn't try to run. Stiles squeezed his hand, just a little, ignoring how his dad zeroed in on their joined hands in no time. They were together – what had his dad expected? At least they were decent enough not to make out in front of him. Again.

"Derek."

Stiles was actually impressed by how non-hostile his dad sounded. He even managed a somewhat crooked smile as he held out a hand for Derek to shake. And since the hand Stiles was clinging to was Derek's left one the alpha didn't even seem to hesitate before accepting the handshake.

"Sheriff Stilinski." Derek gave a short nod and while the handshake was brief it did seem to please Stiles' dad to some degree. As if he had somehow thought that Derek wasn't aware or accustomed to the tradition of shaking hands like civilized beings. Stiles wanted to roll his eyes.

Very little was said while they took their seats and dinner was served – meatloaf, because for some reason it was one of the few things his dad didn't automatically turn into a possible biohazard – but Stiles didn't miss how his dad made sure that Derek and Stiles were not seated within touching distance of each other. Which was rather unfair. Stiles wasn't sure if he would survive the evening without some comforting touching.

At least they could still play emergency footsie if needed.

Stiles was so focused on being nervous about The Dinner that he almost missed the fact that he would get to see Derek eat for the second time since he got to know him. That in itself might not have sounded very special until you counted the fact that Stiles had known Derek for almost a _year_. Stiles had no idea how Derek had pulled that off and he couldn't help grinning as he passed Derek the vegetables. Because if one of them was forced to eat them then all of them would.

Derek seemed less opposed to the salad than he was to Stiles' stupid face if his deadpan look was anything to go by.

"So, Derek," his dad began – Stiles braced himself –, "I have to admit that I don't know what you work with."

Stiles stared. Neither did he. Did Derek actually work? Stiles had no idea but he was pretty certain that his dad wouldn't like it if it turned out that Derek was just cruising around living on his inheritance or something. It wasn't a very responsible thing to do.

To Stiles' surprise Derek looked up, cool as a cucumber, and replied as if it was no big deal at all.

"I own and manage a couple of properties and study online to get a bachelor's degree in property management."

"You _what_?" Stiles blurted out. That sounded so _decent_ and _adult_. Stiles had no idea that Derek was actually doing something with his time besides brooding.

Judging on his dad's look of reproach Stiles' surprise wasn't doing them any favors – it was a rather fundamental thing not to know about your kinda sorta boyfriend – and even Derek looked a little chastising. Which was just complete and utter bullshit because Derek could have _told him_.

Stiles stared sullenly at his food to show his indignation.

"I thought the Hale property had fallen to the county?" his dad half asked, sounding suitably tentative because that was where the rest of the Hale family had died after all.

Derek didn't seem to react to it even if Stiles suspected that he had at least flinched inwardly.

"The main house and property has, yes. There were complications with the insurance and neither me nor Laura had the knowledge or connections needed to keep it from happening. My family has always owned a couple of apartment complexes in town though and my sister and I inherited those." Derek seemed calm but his voice was a little too flat. "Now it's just me. And I'm currently in the middle of an agreement to have the Hale property returned to me."

Stiles sure hoped that his dad was feeling bad about this and kept himself from kicking his shin only because Derek would notice if he did. The somewhat awkward cough his dad gave was proof enough that he did feel at least marginally clumsy for having brought up Derek's dead family first thing he did.

"So you have renters?" Stiles' dad actually seemed a little fascinated. Perhaps because Derek didn't look like he had a job. Well, one that wasn't bartending at seedy bars or something.

Derek nodded.

"One of the buildings is currently under renovation though."

"You do that too?" Now Stiles' dad definitely sounded a little impressed, if doubtfully so.

"Some of it. Not plumbing or electricity but I do what I can and I find it rather cathartic." Derek shrugged and Stiles had never, in his entire life, felt as confused as he did right then.

Derek seemed so _normal_. Sure, he was a little young to be owning buildings and such but he talked like a normal person, between bites of food, his voice casual and not easy perhaps but at least not threatening or even slightly insulting. He answered questions without it having to be dragged out of him with force and he even offered things about what he was _feeling_. He was _behaving_. And it was almost creepy to watch.

"Huh. I must say that I didn't expect that," his dad admitted with a small smile. Derek didn't smile back but nodded in a sort of confirming way that functioned just as well.

"Few people do."

Not even Stiles had. He was pretty glad now that he did though. Some things made much more sense and he was willing to bet that Derek lived in one of the buildings he owned. Especially if it was the one due for renovation.

Stiles smiled encouragingly towards Derek. Creepy as it might be to see him talk like a normal person Derek was doing it for Stiles and he wasn't going to be ungrateful. Derek's responding smile wasn't even big enough to really be called a smile but it was something at least.

Stiles' dad seemed to observe the silent exchange but said nothing of it.

Instead his dad steered the conversation on to other subjects. Less traumatizing ones. Stiles didn't know if it was because he regretted how they had started off or because he wanted to lull Derek into a fall sense of security but it kind of made Stiles relax some anyway. It wasn't so bad.

Surprisingly enough they could discuss sports quite easily even if neither of them seemed to agree on anything, but at least it kept the conversation going. Derek wasn't making a lot of effort to talk unless spoken to but Stiles wasn't going to berate him for that. He was behaving admirably well and Stiles had almost started believing that they would all get away without any lasting scars.

Until The Subject inevitably came up.

Stiles had thought that his dad had forgotten all about it since they were done eating and since Stiles had vetoed dessert – his dad was back on his feet and needed to start eating healthy again and dessert was not healthy – so The Dinner was technically over. But things weren't that easy, apparently, because his father was a sadist.

"Now I'd like to discuss the reason that we're all here," his dad said, face serious as he pushed his plate to side. He rested his loosely clasped hands comfortably on the table and pinned Derek in place with his patented sheriff-glare.

Stiles groaned.

"Oh my God, Dad, you are horrible!" Stiles hadn't missed how Derek stiffened at the sudden change in tone and how a brief look of trepidation flashed past in his eyes. Derek had definitely not been looking forward to this part, that much was obvious.

"Don't be so overdramatic, Stiles," his dad chided. Stiles glared.

"Me? I'm the overdramatic one? You make it sound like a police hearing and I'm the overdramatic one? That's just great."

Okay, _now_ Stiles was being a little overdramatic but not before that.

His dad just rolled his eyes before facing Derek again.

"Stiles explained the rules I had laid down, correct?"

Derek nodded, expression a little grim but honest.

"He said that you agreed to them and that's all well and good but I want to hear it from you personally." Stiles' dad would be unrelenting on that, Stiles knew. "So there will be no sex – under any circumstances – and if you misbehave in any way that jeopardizes my son's safety or wellbeing I will come after you, is that clear?"

"Yes, sir." Derek didn't even hesitate. Something in his eyes looked a little off though and if Stiles didn't know better he'd think that Derek was in pain somehow.

"And I still want you to come over every now and then. This is apparently a long term arrangement so I'd like to get to know you better." It would have sounded a lot nicer if his dad hadn't said it almost like a threat. Stiles hid his face in his hands. It was a disaster alright. "I'd also like to add a couple of things."

Stiles head snapped up.

"What? Add what?" He thought that his panic was justified.

His dad just looked like Stiles was being overdramatic again. Derek was resorting to his stone face and that was never a good thing. Stiles was actually getting a little worried.

"Just some rules about what happens when school starts back up again." Okay, that was reasonable. "Your curfew is the same as always on school nights and weekends and if your grades start to slip I reserve the right to ground you."

Stiles frowned, feeling rather insulted.

"Seriously, Dad, my grades can slip for other reasons. I doubt Derek is going to be the cause of it."

"Still. And there will be no sleepovers, neither here, at Derek's or anyone else's, unless there are other people present." His dad's tone was final but that didn't stop Stiles' eyebrows from rising.

"What? That's just stupid – a silly extension to the no sex rule. What do you think will happen? That we'll jump each other as soon as we're alone? If that was the case we would have done it already!"

Which might not have been a very good argument to give your dad but it was true.

"Stiles, I'm just concerned about what-"

"No, you're just being unreasonably strict for no good reason!" Stiles interrupted, feeling his temper rise. It wasn't really such a big deal. He guessed that he could do without private sleepovers – they weren't even close to that stage yet anyway – but it frustrated him that his dad was being so controlling. Stiles was pretty darn certain that it wouldn't sound like this if Stiles had been into a harmless looking girl.

"I think that I have reason to be concerned."

Stiles was opening his mouth to give a scathing reply when Derek beat him to it. The difference being that Derek's wasn't the least bit scathing. Just utterly and undeniably honest.

"Sheriff Stilinski, I'm not going to say that you don't have a right to be concerned but I will say that you won't have to worry about my intentions."

Stiles' dad hesitated, looking a little puzzled.

"And why is that?"

"Because nothing will happen until Stiles is eighteen, with or without your rule." Derek sounded so sure, like it was something he was prepared to live by until the day he died and Stiles didn't know how to take that. Something seemed to be up with Derek and he couldn't quite pinpoint what. But it was big. It was really big and quite scary. Stiles bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from asking outright if Derek was okay.

"Really?" Now Stiles' dad sounded doubting; insultingly so even.

Which might have been why Derek leaned closer, eyes intent, and replied with a calm, measured voice.

"Yes. Really. I have no intention of becoming a statutory rapist and I'm not an animal who can't control myself. I understand your reasons but I find it insulting that you're implying that I can't have the same concerns as you do – that I can't have the same values as you. I don't think that underage sex is okay. So there will be none."

Stiles held his breath, not sure if this was the beginning of a fistfight or just a clash of wills unlike anything he had ever seen. This could really go either way. He could tell that Derek was dying to just growl and bark like usual but his eyes were his normal hazel and there were no claws or fangs in sight. He was in complete control and was staring at Stiles' dad with terrifying intensity.

His dad, in turn, seemed taken aback by the sheer conviction in Derek's voice. It was obvious that he meant every single word he said. And it was in that moment that Stiles' dad showed exactly what a good man he was, to the point where Stiles just wanted to hug him.

"I apologize. It wasn't my intention to imply that." It wasn't a surrender exactly but at least Stiles' dad could admit when he was wrong. His back was still straight and he held Derek's gaze but he did apologize. Derek gave a simple nod.

"If you want us to keep the rule about no sleepovers without supervision then we will." Derek was getting much better at negotiating than Stiles had thought. Never mind that Derek was apparently making decisions on both of their behalves – he was just glad if Derek and his dad didn't decide to brawl it out because it was obvious who would win and then Derek would really go to jail.

"I would appreciate that, at least for now. We can revisit it later," his dad replied, just as serious as before but something had eased in his posture. He looked less prone to lock Stiles away for the rest of his life just to keep him away from creepy people trying to have romantic and/or sexual relationships with him.

"Then that's decided." Derek on the other hand hadn't relaxed one bit but Stiles wasn't sure what to do about it. Reaching out over the table seemed rather risky even if his dad had calmed somewhat. They were still on relatively thin ice here and they were lucky that Stiles' dad wasn't one to force his authority just because he had it.

"Anything else?" Derek was clearly being masochistic at this point but Stiles didn't kick him under the table even if he really wanted to.

Why would he ask for more stupid rules? There were enough already.

Stiles' dad seemed to consider this for a while before he shook his head.

"Not for the time being."

And just like that it was over. Not that it hadn't been exactly as terrifying as Stiles had imagined but it did come to a surprisingly peaceful end.

Stiles' dad announced that the dishes would be handled later and while he made no offer for Derek to stay longer that was probably more for Derek's sake than anything else. The alpha was probably dying to get out of there and Stiles was actually pretty worried.

Derek was still unnaturally tense, even for him, but he politely shook Stiles' dad's hand before Stiles followed him to the door.

Once he was sure that they were out of his dad's earshot, basically by the door, Stiles reached out and brushed his fingers against Derek's hand – enough to catch his attention but not too intrusive if Derek wanted to pretend it didn't happen. Derek stopped and turned to face Stiles though, by then very accustomed to Stiles' ways of making Derek take notice of him.

Derek didn't say anything and instead just waited for Stiles to voice what was on his mind.

"Are... are you okay?" Stiles asked tentatively, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat.

His dad seemed calmer now that he had gotten some straight answers out of Derek but the alpha was the complete opposite. Derek seemed tenser, colder and definitely not pleased. Stiles could feel his chest tighten with fear but he forced himself to meet Derek's gaze. He just prayed that Derek would tell him outright if he was having second thoughts.

"Yes."

Derek was back to one word replies. That was never good. It meant that something was definitely wrong and Stiles couldn't quite tell if Derek was lying or not.

Would it seem too desperate to cling to Derek's arm? Stiles was definitely prepared to do that right about now.

"You don't seem okay," he ventured carefully, knowing that Derek could pull back without a moment's notice if he felt pressured somehow. The dinner had gone surprisingly well but only because Derek had been so amazingly cooperative. But Stiles didn't know how far it would stretch and why Derek had reverted back to showing about as many emotions as a boulder.

Derek frowned, just a little.

"I am."

Jesus, Stiles couldn't take it. Derek could barely talk to him. The last time that had happened had been when Derek had been gearing up to deny that anything was between them in the first place, so it was a rather reasonable conclusion that he was doing the same thing now.

Stiles panicked.

"Please don't." He grabbed Derek's wrist but didn't really dare to do anything else than hold it. Pulling Derek closer could only be done if Derek allowed it and Stiles didn't dare to try in fear of finding that Derek refused to budge. "I don't know what's wrong but-... please tell me and I'll do anything I can to fix it. Just please don't do this."

Stiles tried not to sound desperate but he wasn't fooling anyone, least of all Derek – who looked bewildered of all things.

"Stiles, what are you talking about?" He sounded hesitant, as if Stiles was a raving lunatic of some description.

"I'm talking about this! You, barely talking to me." Stiles gestured wildly between them with his free hand, the other clutching a little tighter around Derek's wrist. "You only do that when something is wrong and considering what we just went through I can only imagine that you're trying to break up or something. Which is kinda pathetic really since I'm not even sure if we reached the stage where we agreed that we're together. Are we together? We're dating, right? Or perhaps we aren't. You want to break up before we're even officially dating. Wow. That totally sounds like something that would happen to me."

Derek was outright staring and it would have been hilarious if Stiles hadn't also been terrified. Fucking terrified of what would come out of Derek's mouth next. That of course meant that Derek didn't say a thing. But he did use his mouth in other ways.

Stiles stiffened when Derek kissed him mostly because he had been completely unprepared for it and expecting something else entirely. But once he got with the program he drew closer, pushing into the kiss like he was starving for it – and perhaps he was. Derek placed his free hand on the side of Stiles' head and kept it there, warm and comforting.

It was a deep, needy kiss – no doubt because of Stiles' panic – and while he knew that everything they had been working for that night would be completely undermined if his dad found them he just couldn't help demanding another set of seconds to appreciate it; just a few more moments to ease the ache in his chest.

Derek pulled back eventually and Stiles fought an urge to lick his lips, just to taste if Derek still lingered there.

"Yes, we are together. Yes, we are dating. No, I am not breaking up with you," Derek explained patiently, the shadow of a smile ghosting past on his lips. He still looked a little troubled though. "Stop assuming things."

Stiles cleared his throat, knowing that his voice wouldn't be stable otherwise.

"And you need to start talking to me." Stiles looked into Derek's eyes. "If only to say that you don't want to talk."

Derek rolled his eyes but even that was closer to his usual behavior and Stiles felt the knot in his chest loosen. It didn't disappear completely but it loosened.

"Fine. I don't want to talk about it," Derek said it with a suffering sigh and Stiles knew that it was definitely something to be taken seriously.

"Alright. I can accept that." It was difficult but he could. He wanted to ask what was wrong and why Derek was being so distant but if Derek didn't want to talk about it then Stiles shouldn't force him. Not considering what Derek had just lived through.

The memory of Derek being so _decent_ just to make sure that Stiles' dad didn't hate him made Stiles smile. He leaned closer and placed a short but heartfelt kiss on Derek's lips.

"Thank you, by the way, for putting up with my dad. You were pretty amazing."

Derek offered a small, crooked smile but it was better than none at all. He didn't say anything though, just gave Stiles another kiss before he took a step back and reached for his leather jacket, preparing to leave. Stiles let him, quietly calming his own fears and repeating to himself that yes, apparently they were together. They were dating.

Stiles was dating Derek Hale.

Jesus Christ on a popsicle. Stiles was dating Derek Hale.

A light slap to the back of his head brought him back to the present.

"Stop over-thinking things."

Stiles chuckled before he shook his head, giving Derek a fond smile.

"I wasn't over-thinking this time." More like getting stuck on five pretty simple words as they played on a loop inside his head. _Stiles was dating Derek Hale_. Stiles grinned, wide and happy. "I'm just getting used to the idea of being taken."

Derek rolled his eyes but really, if the kiss he gave Stiles next was anything to go by what the alpha really wanted to say was 'and you will be for a long time to come'.

Stiles could definitely get used to that.

 


	2. Halloween

 

* * *

 

Stiles liked Halloween. If not for the prospect of lots of free candy then for the chance to dress up in ridiculous costumes without being bullied or teased for it. The general atmosphere and the fact that people just loved to scare the living crap out of each other during this particular holiday was just a bonus.

Stiles had many awesome Halloweens under his belt, complete with epic costumes, candy binges and staying up well into the middle of the night playing video games and watching movies with Scott. But that had been when both of them were still social pariahs at school.

Now things were significantly different.

Having become one pack during summer meant that returning to school changed certain dynamics. Since the majority of the pack – all save Derek really – went to their school they often ended up hanging out together in more of less full formation. Jackson and Danny or Jackson and Lydia still broke off every now and then, just like Scott and Stiles, but more often than not they were in each other's presence. Simply because it was comfortable and safe.

The rest of the school didn't really know how to catalogue their unlikely and mismatched group of people.

There was Lydia, still very much the queen despite the fact that some people hadn't quite gotten over her momentary lapse of sanity, and Jackson, who was suddenly nicer after that time he died and mysteriously resurrected. No one really knew how to handle that. And then there was Danny, who everyone liked, and no one seemed to understand why he was hanging out with the rest of them. Boyd, Isaac and Erica had all had various rumors spread about them during their last school year and most of it lingered. People saw them as dangerous delinquents – hot delinquents but delinquents none the less – and gave them a wide berth most of the time. Scott was even trickier because people hadn't forgotten how awesome he had been at lacrosse but also how he eventually botched it when he didn't show to some games and just acted in a generally suspicious manner. Stiles was still the spastic, hyperactive and annoying bastard that some tolerated but most just avoided. And finally Allison, trailing behind the others somewhat uncertainly but still beautiful and kickass like no other.

They were a puzzle that didn't make sense to the other students but fit together flawlessly in their own little group. Even Allison had started to drift into their folds and since Derek hadn't given any indication that he was against it most of them made an effort to make her feel comfortable and welcome. It made Scott happy if nothing else.

School was interesting, in other words, since the pack completely disrupted the usual hierarchies and social groupings. Bullying Stiles or Scott just for the heck of it was totally off limits, mainly because Jackson – who had been their most faithful harasser – stopped but also because he, like everyone else in the pack, gave those responsible students the stink eye if it ever happened. The result was of course that both Jackson and Lydia's status as the popular kids suffered greatly but neither of them seemed to care.

Everyone still loved Danny because that was just how Danny was.

It was even more hilarious to watch the other kids try to determine how on earth Derek fit into the mix. It wasn't like Derek was always hanging around them – he had other things to do, like actual work apparently – but every now and then he gave the ones in the pack without cars a ride home from school or came by just to talk to Stiles.

Well, Derek wouldn't admit to that last one but he was totally doing it.

Stiles didn't have to be told to keep the whole relationship with Derek as low key as possible when close to the school and his classmates, simply because they would assume the worst. Derek didn't look like a nice guy and everyone knew that he was older. Stiles didn't want those kinds of rumors spread about them, even if they were technically true. He was pretty certain that Derek wouldn't appreciate it.

Granted that they kind of started anyway after the fifth time Stiles and Derek lingered on the school parking lot, just talking – usually about how their days had been. Innocent and mundane stuff really but it made Stiles grin like an idiot all the same. People saw it and people questioned it but since Stiles and Derek never did anything that gave the other students proof or further ammunition the rumors soon died out on their own.

Stiles wasn't sure if he was happy or sad about it because a part of him wanted them to know, even if it was a bad idea. He wanted them to know that _he_ had somehow managed to get someone as awesome as Derek. Because boy, Derek was awesome.

Sure, the people at school thought that Derek was a little creepy but they weren't _blind_. Derek was obviously pretty darn hot, had a frankly gorgeous car and rocked that bad boy vibe so well that you could tell that all of it was definitely not just for show. Not to mention that he was actually pretty funny once you got down to it and caring to the point where it became a danger to his _own_ health.

Derek was desirable, simple as that. And he was together with Stiles.

But no one could know.

If Stiles had had less of a brain he might have ignored that and announced it to the entire world anyway, but even after a couple of months as a couple he knew that they weren't ready for it. Well, Stiles was but if Derek wasn't then that meant that they as a couple weren't. It was supposed to be a unanimous decision.

Stiles' dad had thankfully stopped with his suspicious glares whenever Stiles came home a little late from school – as if Derek just had to be reason for the delay, even if he rarely was – but things were still a little cautious. They were kept under a strict eye and Stiles knew that he wasn't the only one feeling the tension. But they made it work and the pack was behaving just like before, at ease and accepting and Stiles just wanted to hug them all. So he and Derek were making progress, albeit slowly.

That didn't have much to do with Halloween though, even if the pack as a whole definitely did. Namely in the shape of Stiles suddenly being invited to Lydia's epic party. That hadn't exactly happened before and he was still surprised that Lydia had stretched far enough to actually invite him. But they had grown closer over the last couple of months and he might even dare to call them friends on one of Lydia's good days.

Fact still remained that he was invited and he was freaking out a little over it.

He knew that it wasn't like one of those silly kid's parties and he didn't want to show up overdressed, because he was pretty certain that you could do that even if everyone was supposed to be in costumes. So while Stiles wanted to come as Batman or something he hesitated to do so. Luckily enough for him Erica solved that rather beautifully by winning one of their Fruit Ninja high score tournaments and decided that she, as a prize, would get to decide what he wore for Lydia's party. At first he had refused because he thought that she would make him wear something stupid, but her suggestion wasn't that bad and she was kind enough to let him choose the details himself.

And that was how he ended up on Lydia's doorstep dressed in jeans, red Converse and a red hoodie zipped down far enough to show the 'Bite me'-print on the black t-shirt he wore underneath. Erica had asked for little red riding hood but since no demands of it having to be a girl version had been made Stiles had taken liberties. The t-shirt was mostly for fun though. And for once the dog whistle he usually kept underneath his clothes was resting against his t-shirt, out in the open. No one but the pack would understand its significance of course but those who recognized it as a dog whistle and Stiles' costume might find some humor in it.

To Stiles it meant pack and security.

Lydia opened the door, dressed in a gorgeous creation of black and yellow and it wasn't until Stiles noticed the delicate crown and transparent, light wings on her back that he realized what she was dressed as. A queen bee. Of course. She did it beautifully though and so subtly that she might actually have been able to wear it on a non-costume party even, because that was just how Lydia rolled.

"Stiles!" Her smile was so genuine that he couldn't keep his hand from shaking somewhat when he accepted the fruity welcome punch she offered from her tray. He was technically over Lydia what with him being together with Derek and all but sometimes it was hard not to be affected by her general brilliance.

"You look stunning, Lydia," he managed to stutter, quite certain that he was blushing. Her smile turned teasing before she did a little flip with her hair.

"I know," she replied with a shrug before she closed the door behind him. Stiles could hear the sound of music and a chorus of voices talking over and around each other. The party was already in full swing. Lydia reached out and tugged at the red hood Stiles had over his head, partly hiding the mess of hair he might or might not be growing out. "You're not so bad yourself, Stiles. I can appreciate the obvious yet effective pun behind your costume."

Stiles rolled his eyes and sipped his punch. If he did it a little cautiously – considering what had happened last time he drank something at one of Lydia's parties – Lydia pretended not to notice.

"It's Erica's fault."

"Then I guess that she's the one I should be complimenting," Lydia replied briskly before waving for Stiles to head inside while she greeted the next arrivals to ring the doorbell.

Stiles wanted to stay longer – he never tired of just talking to Lydia – but she had duties as a hostess and he wanted to find the rest of his pack. Or at least Scott.

Stiles wasn't sure if he was surprised or not by how many had showed because Lydia's last party hadn't turned out so well, but he was actually pretty glad that they had. Lydia liked her parties and it was a shame that she would have to suffer because other people fucked up her life. So Stiles was pretty okay with being shoved around as he tried to make his way through the house looking for the rest of his pack, simply because it meant that Lydia would have a great time.

Most people were in costumes; the majority of them in the same style and subtlety as Lydia's – which was exactly what Stiles had expected – while others rocked the full get up with either pride or ignorance. Stiles wasn't sure. There were some dressed more like him, that is to say barely a costume unless you knew what it referenced to, and it was fun trying to figure out what they were supposed to be.

Stiles came up completely short when he suddenly found himself in front of Erica though. She beamed and slid into Stiles' personal space, as she had a habit of doing. A couple of rumors had been spread about them too, considering how cuddly Erica was and all that, and they were still floating around as far as Stiles knew. Sometimes including some side note about Boyd and what could or could not be a misconceived love triangle.

"I-... uh... can't for the life of me figure out what you're supposed to be," he admitted stupidly, mostly because he was too busy not staring at her. She was utterly gorgeous in a red, tight dress that accentuated all her nice features – which, let's face it, were quite a few. Erica laughed and patted his arm.

"It will come to you eventually."

"I'm not so sure about that," Stiles mumbled into his punch. Why was everyone around him so beautiful? If he hadn't been completely content with being the brains of the operation he might have felt inadequate. "So, how's the party?" he asked instead, trying to change the subject.

"I like it. I wasn't exactly invited to many parties prior to the whole-" Erica waved her hand, as if trying to find a word for turning into a werewolf – and a complete bombshell to boot "-change. And it's nice not having to crash it."

Stiles chuckled and allowed her to hook her arm around his without really paying any attention to it. She did that a lot and it was habit by now.

"The others are here I take it?" Stiles asked, easing them out of the way of some rowdy girls dressed as very convincing mummies.

"Yupp, all of them. Scott and Allison disappeared a while back though so I'm not sure how much more we will be seeing of those two." Erica rolled her eyes but her smile was soft. "I think they're soon ready to make it official that they're dating again."

"That's good."

The pack had known about it for weeks anyway and it was probably high time.

Stiles looked out over the sea of people, their costumes offering bursts of colors left and right, laughs and cheers mingling with the music in an odd kind of harmony. It wasn't a wild party and Stiles doubted that Lydia would allow it to become one, especially when she had a security crew with superhuman strength if necessary.

"The big bad wolf is here," Erica suddenly whispered in Stiles' ear – or as close as she could get when the hood was still pulled up over his head – and Stiles couldn't help that he jumped in surprise.

He gave her a confused look, which she answered with a toothy grin and a nod towards the doors leading outside. Sure enough, there was the big bad wolf himself and Stiles might have blushed and felt his heart do all kinds of crazy things at the mere sight of Derek out on the terrace.

"You are so _cute_ ," Erica cooed with a laugh, which earned her a punch on her arm courtesy of Stiles' pride. It wasn't like Stiles would be able to hurt her anyway.

"I hate you," he muttered sullenly and was already dislodging himself from her to head towards his alpha instead. Some girl seemed to be trying to catch Derek's attention and while it clearly wasn't working Stiles figured that it would be better to interrupt before Derek found it necessary to bite the poor thing's head off. Literally.

"Oh no, you love me," Erica replied with confidence while blowing Stiles a kiss. "You have fun now!" Her tone was downright scandalous and Stiles blushed an even deeper red.

It wasn't like that.

They were in public so he probably couldn't even touch Derek, even if he really wanted to.

So instead he just gave Erica a rude gesture before weaving his way through the masses of people until he managed to get outside, heading for Derek. Stiles wasn't even surprised that Derek was dressed like on any other given day – to see him in a costume would actually have been a bigger shock – but that too made Stiles smile, wide and dorky. It was just so Derek and Stiles really, really liked Derek.

The girl trying to get Derek to talk to her seemed to understand that she was struggling in vain – probably because Derek's entire attention was focused on Stiles and Stiles alone – and gracefully slipped away before she had time to become the third wheel.

That left Derek and Stiles quite isolated from the rest of the partygoers, to the point where they would be able to talk privately without risking anyone overhearing. Besides werewolves, that is.

"That is a very stupid shirt," Derek pointed out as soon as Stiles came close enough that they wouldn't have to shout to be heard over the music, gesturing towards the two words printed on Stiles' t-shirt.

"Your face is stupid," Stiles' deadpanned, but his grin diminished the effect of the insult quite a bit. Stiles was very fond of Derek's face and pretty much every other part of him. "At least I dressed up. You didn't even bother to do that."

"I'm a werewolf. I think that qualifies as suitable for the season. Why would I need to dress up as anything?" Derek shrugged, as if it didn't really matter to him.

"Okay, that's where you're wrong. While you might technically get away with calling this a werewolf costume – since we both know that werewolves apparently dress like this, you leather fetishist – this is the time of year that you could dress up as something _else_. Be another supernatural creature for a day perhaps?"

Derek frowned.

"Why would I want to do that?"

Stiles couldn't help chuckling a little helplessly. Derek was so adorably stupid sometimes.

"I don't know. Experience something new? Broaden your horizons? Freak the pack out?" Stiles moved closer while taking a sip from his punch. He knew better than to be too obvious – Derek and he still hadn't discussed going public with their relationship – but he could blame it on not wanting to have to shout over the noise from the ongoing party. "Because it would freak them out if you suddenly acted like a normal person on Halloween and came dressed up as something – even something small."

Derek seemed to consider this and Stiles could see the moment Derek realized the fun that could be had.

"Maybe next Halloween," Derek conceded. Stiles grinned.

"I'll hold you to that."

Derek just smiled that smile of his that made Stiles' breath catch and his knees weak. God, Derek was too handsome for his own good.

Stiles cleared his throat, trying to hide just how much Derek and his stupid face affected Stiles' ability to think, but all that derailed the moment Derek reached out and plucked the glass of punch from Stiles' hand.

"Uh-... so what are you doing here?" Stiles asked in lack of anything better to say.

He was pretty certain that his mouth was moving on autopilot because he was too busy staring as Derek, who calmly took a sip of Stiles' punch, as if it was completely natural for them to share things like that. It had never been before and it was silly how giddy it made Stiles feel that Derek did it now.

It was just some stupid punch at a silly party but Stiles' heart was racing because damnit, Derek did it so easily – as if it was no big deal and completely okay. It was okay, of course, Stiles didn't mind, but it was another step in their relationship that he hadn't known that they had reached and it made him so _happy_.

Derek shrugged, as if he couldn't tell just how much Stiles was freaking out over their close proximity and that stupid punch. Stiles knew that Derek knew though. He saw it in the amused little glint in his eyes.

"The rest of you are here."

Stiles managed a small laugh.

"So you thought that you'd babysit from the shadows, making sure that the pack is behaving and not getting hurt somehow? You are such a goof, Derek, but an adorable one. It's nice that you want to make sure that we're okay."

"That's just one of the reasons," Derek replied and Stiles would have missed how Derek moved closer if he hadn't already been hyperaware of everything Derek did.

"Oh yeah?" Stiles croaked, not sure what to do when Derek reached out and tapped a finger against the words on Stiles' chest.

"This really is a stupid shirt." Their gazes met, Derek's flashing red. "What if I took your word for it?"

Stiles swallowed but not out of fear. The gleam in Derek's eyes was way, way off in another direction where they weren't quite allowed to venture just yet on accounts of Stiles being underage. He took a deep breath but he couldn't focus enough to actually come up with a witty rejoinder.

"Wow. I've got nothing," Stiles admitted breathlessly after a moment or two.

The smile that broke out on Derek's face had to be _illegal_. It was playful and delighted and made him look so much younger that Stiles barely recognized him. He looked like someone who wasn't burdened by the deaths of his entire family and years of anger and self-loathing.

"That is definitely a first," Derek replied proudly and Stiles was so going to give him that one if Derek just kept smiling like that.

Derek's fingers moved to brush against the dog whistle and for some reason Stiles held his breath. Deaton hadn't asked to get the whistle back so Stiles had just kept it, like he knew that Danny and Lydia had done as well. But it meant more to Stiles and Derek. It might be small but that whistle was what had saved Stiles' life. Without the whistle they wouldn't have gotten to where they were now.

Perhaps that was why Stiles had such trouble breathing.

Derek's hand closed around the whistle, tugging at the chain, just enough to make Stiles follow the movement. When Derek leaned closer Stiles' sense returned enough for him to quietly, as carefully as possible, make sure that Derek knew what he was doing.

"Are you sure about this?" he mumbled softly.

They might be standing out of earshot from other people but they could still be seen and Stiles was pretty certain that Derek was about to kiss him. They had never done that before. Not in public and definitely not in front of Stiles' classmates. Stiles had never asked about it because he knew that Derek needed the privacy and Stiles had managed fine without it, so while he was completely okay with going public – yearned for it even – he didn't want Derek to take the step without being completely sure first. Stiles could wait if that was what Derek wanted.

"Shut up before I change my mind," was Derek's muttered reply before he pressed their lips together.

The kiss was chaste, almost a little shy, but it was one of the best they had had in Stiles' opinion – because it was public and Derek was okay with it and dear God people were going to talk. But Stiles didn't mind. He couldn't care less. Derek kissed him. In public. Derek was okay with making it official and let people see what was going on between them and Stiles hadn't even had to ask about it. There had been no nagging or cajoling – just Derek deciding that it was okay.

Stiles made a happy little sound in the back of his throat before he deepened the kiss, moving close enough to feel the heat from Derek's body and wrap his fingers around the lapels of Derek's leather jacket. Derek didn't tense up, move away or show that he was in any way hesitant or uncomfortable about it. People were no doubt staring but neither of them made a move to stop.

Stiles felt Derek's free hand tug the hood off his head and a second later strong fingers were buried in Stiles' hair. The fact that Derek seemed to love playing with it might be the reason that Stiles was letting it grow out, but he would deny it if anyone asked. The fact that it made him shiver to have Derek run his fingers through it, well, Stiles could deny that too if he wanted but anyone would be able to tell that he was lying.

The kiss came to a slow end, mainly because it would be stupid to take it further. Stiles wasn't that eager to make out in front of all the people from school, not when his and Derek's relationship had been a secret until just moments ago. He suspected that it wouldn't take more than a day before everyone knew but he didn't care. He was the one who got to kiss Derek after all, and see Derek roll his eyes when Stiles grinned that stupid grin of his. But Derek seemed to find it endearing by then. Stiles knew that he was pretty damn lucky and he was going to treasure that.

Stiles hummed in pleasure when Derek treaded his fingers through Stiles' unruly hair.

"How about we go find the others?" Stiles suggested.

He wouldn't mind standing out there for the rest of the night but he knew that Lydia and Erica would tease him endlessly if they did, and he really wanted to see what the others had come dressed as. Not to mention that he doubted that Derek would have the peace of mind to remain where they were.

Stiles only had to throw a subtle glance towards the party inside to notice that there were a number of people staring at them. Either in surprise, envy or a mixture of both. Stiles wanted to preen because yes, Derek was his and the grouchy alpha was definitely not interested in anyone else. He was all Stiles'.

"Fine." Derek smiled and twined their fingers together, sipping casually on the punch he was still holding. It made Stiles want to kiss his stupid alpha again and he suddenly realized that there was nothing stopping him this time. They had already done it. They were official and it was okay to kiss in public.

Stiles grinned and pulled in for another kiss, Derek meeting him half way.

Best. Halloween. Ever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just shameless fluff basically. BECAUSE FLUFF. But also Stiles and Derek coming out in public. So yeah.
> 
> I also find it quite amusing how important the dog whistle ended up being, and how imporant it continues to be. You'll notice more of that as we go along.
> 
> [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) beta'ed as usual and she really hates me for not revealing just what Erica was dressed as. I leave that to your imagination ;)


	3. The Fight

 

* * *

 

Being in a relationship with Derek Hale had both perks and downsides and whether or not Stiles found it to be awesome or annoying usually depended on his mood at the time. If he was having a good day not even Derek's sourly growls could make him feel any less fantastic and if one of Stiles' good days happened to coincide with one of Derek's good days it was downright heavenly. They usually spent those in silence – surprisingly enough – just reveling in each other's presence and the closeness that they shared, sprawled out together on Derek's couch watching some silly movie or whatever. What they did wasn't the point – the fact that they were together was. And it was beyond awesome.

But then there were the bad days. The ones where they argued and bickered over the tiniest of things, either because Stiles was being cranky or because Derek was being particularly defensive. Sometimes both. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary though – all couples fight – and truth be told, they hadn't had a real fight, just minor arguments. There was a difference because they rarely ended up hurting each other to the point where they actually had to apologize. Derek was guarding his words more carefully than before and Stiles tried to back off when he noticed that he was treading dangerous ground.

They still disagreed a lot, mostly about things concerning the pack or other subjects that weren't personal – things they could handle because it involved opinions rather than emotions. So while their relationship wasn't all sunshine and rainbows they had never outright fought either or had such a disagreement that they couldn't talk within an hour or two, often coupled with cuddling. They were always bound to clash considering how different they were as people but they knew the difference between that and things that could actually come between them and ruin their relationship.

Their first major fight – and one of the biggest they would ever have – took place several months after they had first gotten together. Whenever someone asked Stiles what had caused it he couldn't quite give a straight answer. It was just one of those times when Stiles was having a bad day, testy and twitchy thanks to Harris' continued efforts to make Stiles' life a living hell, and Derek wasn't prepared to make any compromises.

The biggest surprise might have been that if someone was to blame for the fight it was Stiles. No one believed him when he said so because they all knew how Derek was and how easily he could snap and snarl when you got too close, but this time it was all on Stiles. He pushed when he shouldn't have and was too wrapped up in his own misery to realize that he was doing neither of them any favors. He was in fact causing Derek a great deal of pain and that knowledge alone was enough to make Stiles realize that it was all his fault. Not Derek's.

It had started simple enough. Derek was driving Stiles home as he sometimes did and Stiles was quietly mulling over the fact that Derek hadn't quite acknowledged Allison when she and Scott wished them goodbye back at the school parking lot. It was something Stiles had been thinking about on and off because Derek seemed suspiciously careful around her most of the time, but he couldn't figure out why.

He knew that Derek hadn't always been like that because he had driven Allison home from that party way, way back when Scott was still unused to being a werewolf and had flipped out, leaving Allison alone and confused. So either something had happened since then – the death of Allison's mother being the biggest contender – or Derek had been able to work around it that time.

Stiles was feeling curious and annoyed with his own life so questioning Derek about his felt like a decent past time.

"Hey, how come you still don't like Allison?"

Derek glanced in his direction, a confused frown settling on his face.

"I like Allison just fine," Derek replied, somewhat defensively but not enough for it to seem like a lie. Stiles was pretty certain that Derek wasn't lying.

"Then why do you barely look or talk to her? I mean, you do it when you have to but most of the time you seem to prefer not to." Stiles turned to face Derek, leaning more against the car door than his seat to get a better view. He had known Derek long enough to be able to read most of his expressions by then and Stiles had a feeling that this would require all of his skills.

Derek gritted his teeth.

"I think it's better that way," he replied tersely.

"Because of her mom?" Stiles could understand that but Derek's careless shrug wasn't much of an answer. His eyes narrowed. "Or is it something else too? I mean, I understand if you feel at least a little bad about it but it isn't really your fault. She chose to kill herself and tha-"

"Can we talk about something else?" Derek interrupted with a sharp glare. His shoulders were tense and Stiles tilted his head to the side.

"It's something else too, isn't it?" Stiles thought for a moment and suddenly felt like an idiot. How could he have forgotten about that other connection between Derek's and Allison's families? It seemed to have happened so long ago that Stiles didn't remember it between the times it was brought up but of course Derek would never forget. "Is it because of Kate?"

Stiles didn't miss how Derek suddenly went completely rigid. Bullseye.

Not that Stiles blamed him. The woman had burned Derek's house to the ground and killed the majority of his family – Stiles understood if Derek wasn't completely comfortable around Kate's niece.

"I know that Kate was responsible for the fire but Allison didn't have anything to do with that."

Derek's hands were clutching the wheel so hard his knuckles were white.

"Which is why I like Allison just fine," Derek grit out.

"But she reminds you of Kate, is that it? They're related after all and looking at a face that reminds you of the woman who burned your family alive-"

"Stiles." It was a growling warning, Derek's eyes were still focused on the road but Stiles could tell that Derek was getting really, really agitated.

It was understandable and on any other day Stiles might have realized what he was doing and stopped pressing but now he was already vibrating with annoyance from being treated unfairly and didn't like that his boyfriend – because Derek was definitely his boyfriend by then – was slamming figurative doors in his face.

"What? I'm just asking."

"And I'm telling you to stop. Back off."

It was obvious that Derek tried to remain calm but he wasn't fooling anyone – least of all Stiles.

"Or what? You'll kick me out of the car?" Stiles sneered.

Derek took a slow breath and Stiles wasn't sure if he just imagined it or if Derek's eyes truly did flash red there for a brief moment.

"You said that if I ever wanted to change the subject I should say so instead of just biting your head off. So this is me telling you to back off," Derek said in a measured voice. Stiles should have heard the soft pleading edge underneath the toneless indifference – he really should have – but he was too wrapped up in the unfairness of the world to notice.

"But I made no promise to actually do it – just that I would have to blame myself if I chose to pursue it after you told me not to," Stiles pointed out while crossing his arms over his chest.

Derek's jaw clenched.

"Stiles, this isn't something-"

"I just want to know what goes on inside your head, Derek," Stiles interrupted. "You behave like it's some sort of obvious and universal truth but it isn't. I just don't understand why you're so touchy about it."

"Because it's private!" Derek barked, throwing Stiles a sharp, angry glance, but there was more desperation in it than anger. Stiles should have seen that.

"Will it always be private or something? Because I thought that maybe we knew each other well enough for you to tell me these kinds of things by now." It was unfair, Stiles knew it, but he was upset and a little hurt that Derek was still shutting him out all the time.

"Not if this is how you handle it," Derek growled.

Stiles blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Derek was definitely pissed off now but he kept his eyes on the road, clearly intent on not crashing the car. "If I want to tell you I will, but not before that."

Stiles felt a flash of hurt.

"Oh? So you don't trust me now, is that it?"

Stiles could feel how things were escalating way beyond what he had intended but he didn't know how to stop it either. He was getting pretty upset himself.

"That's not-... don't turn this on me, Stiles," Derek hissed. "Sometimes you just don't want to talk, okay? Do _you_ want to talk about your mother?"

Stiles fell silent in surprise. He hadn't thought of that.

"Uhm... no, but that's-"

"Not different at all. I don't want to talk so back off!"

Stiles swallowed but instead of shame he felt angry. He was sick and tired of Derek not wanting to talk – it made everything in their relationship so much more difficult than it had to be. Stiles hadn't even dared to ask whether it was okay for them to go public because he knew that Derek would just shut him out. Granted that Derek came around in the end and they were now officially together, but the mere fact that Stiles had been afraid to ask wasn't okay.

"You know what? You say that a lot. About many things. How the hell am I supposed to know what is okay or not when we can't talk about it?" Stiles' hands cut through the air, his gestures showing how ticked off he really was. "Okay, some things are private – fine, I get that – but what about the rest? Am I just supposed to guess?"

"You're not supposed to know at all. Not when it comes to this."

Stiles made a frustrated noise.

"Why are you being so stubborn about this? You act like you have some huge secret you're afraid that people might find out about."

"Drop it, Stiles." Derek's voice was tense and Stiles didn't recognize the emotion underlying it. Maybe he would have if it had been anyone else talking but he had rarely heard Derek panic before. He just didn't see it for what it was.

"Is this still about Kate?"

"Don't talk about Kate, Stiles."

"I mean, I get it if you will never, ever forgive Kate for what she did but it's not like it's your fault and I just can't-"

Stiles choked on his next couple of words when Derek suddenly hit the brakes so hard that Stiles flew into the dashboard, nearly banging his head on the windshield.

"Ow! Jesus fucking Christ are you trying to kill m-" Stiles words trailed off when he saw the look on Derek's face. Or lack of look, really. He was so utterly blank that he might as well be dead. Stiles couldn't even tell if Derek was still breathing. "D-Derek?"

Stiles had gone from angry to terrified in three seconds and he had no idea what was going on.

"Get out."

Stiles swallowed. Derek sounded so off, so utterly wrong that Stiles realized with suddenly painful clarity that he had gone too far. Maybe even so far that he didn't know if he could find his way back again. It was like getting a tub of ice cold water dumped over his head.

"Derek, I'm-"

"Get out or I will."

Thing was that Stiles knew that Derek was being serious. Derek would step out of the car and just leave it there if he had to.

Stiles wanted to stay. He wanted to stay and apologize because this wasn't what he had intended. He had just been agitated and offensive but he hadn't meant to do this. He hadn't meant to put that frankly heartbreakingly emotionless expression on Derek's face. Stiles wanted to make Derek smile. That was what he liked best. He liked Derek's smiles and his teasing jibes and how they could always rely on the other – the trust they shared. Except Stiles had trampled all over that.

Stiles fumbled with his backpack and had to try three times before he managed to grasp the door handle and get it open. He didn't care if he stepped right out into traffic, he just tripped out of the Camaro – onto the sidewalk, thankfully enough – with his heart in his throat.

"Derek, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

He didn't get any further before Derek reached across the passenger seat, shut the door and resolutely drove off. Stiles stood there watching him, confused and panicked. He hadn't meant for this to happen. He was clutching his backpack like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.

He was such an asshole. He didn't even know why he had done it – why he had pushed even when Derek had asked him not to. Stiles had no reason; no one to blame but himself. And the worst part was that he had apparently upset Derek quite a bit and Derek deserved so much better than that. He might be a cranky alpha but Stiles knew, better than most, that Derek carried so much inside – so much pain, guilt and anger. Derek deserved better than to have Stiles prying when he clearly didn't want it.

Stiles swallowed, his stomach rolling with unease. He had really done it this time. This time he was the one who would have to apologize and he was damn well going to man up and do it.

This was his fault.

 

 

Apologizing to Derek would have been so much easier if Derek would actually have allowed Stiles to do it. Stiles had forgotten how annoyingly elusive his alpha could be and Derek was clearly going for some kind of record. He wasn't answering Stiles' calls, was never at home when Stiles came to visit and made sure to always leave first whenever they pack met, or at least not linger enough to give Stiles a chance to talk to him.

The pack noticed immediately. At first Erica made some comment about mom and dad fighting which earned some laughs but after a week none of them thought it was funny anymore.

Stiles least of all.

He had let Derek avoid him at the beginning, thinking that it was best if Derek got the time to calm down, but little by little it became obvious that it was more than that. Derek barely spoke to or looked at Stiles and avoided any and all situations where they might end up touching. That last one might have been the worst because Stiles was so used to it now that he did it without thinking and it felt like a punch in the gut every single time Derek moved out of reach. It might have been a well-deserved punch in the gut but that didn't make it hurt any less – rather the opposite. And it didn't take long before Stiles got some serious withdrawal symptoms and became increasingly miserable.

He had gone from wanting to apologize for being a dick to being prepared to crawl on his knees and beg for Derek to at least talk to him. Stiles couldn't stand the silence. It got to the point where his dad even sat him down, asking why on earth Stiles seemed to be sleepwalking instead of bouncing around with his usual energy.

Stiles could tell that his dad already knew that it concerned Derek somehow and that he was just itching for a reason to cause some mayhem, but that was so off the mark that Stiles didn't even know where to begin. In the end all of it just poured out of him like a flood and to his surprise his dad could be objective enough to agree that yes, Stiles was the one who had fucked up, not Derek. While it hurt to hear it was also a relief because that meant that his dad wouldn't go off chasing Derek down with a shotgun. Small mercies and all that.

Stiles tried to brave it out. Tried to slowly ease his way back towards Derek, unsure of where the line was, but Derek was having none of it. He remained firm, stone faced and completely out of reach. Stiles wasn't even sure if Derek did it on purpose or because of some self-defense mechanism Stiles had accidentally triggered. Fact still remained that Derek was not okay with what Stiles had done and Stiles had no idea how to fix it. All the previous times it had been Derek or both of them at fault and that made things easier – you gave some and got some in return – but Derek wouldn't even listen now.

Stiles didn't get a chance to apologize.

It went on for two weeks and Stiles was slowly going crazy. His sleep was fitful because he spent every waking hour trying to figure out how the hell he was going to solve things and it left him tense and worried whenever he lay down to rest. He ate but only out of habit and did his homework with the same lack of enthusiasm. He didn't hear anything from Derek and the rest of the pack didn't have much to add.

Derek had pulled away from all of them, and it was all Stiles' fault.

He didn't dare to tell anyone but his dad about the details of what was going on between him and Derek though, and not even Lydia managed to drag it out of him. It was between him and Derek and, truth be told, Stiles felt so utterly ashamed that he didn't want to share it with anyone else. So he just kept his mouth shut and waited for a sign – any kind of sign really – that he hadn't ruined it all completely.

It was only after Lydia tried to intervene by boldly asking Derek what the heck was going on that Stiles realized that he really might have fucked it all up beyond saving. Derek had just given Lydia a bland look and walked away without even replying, ignoring her demands for him to stop. Not that Derek had any reason to listen or answer to Lydia but it took a certain amount of courage to just ignore her like that.

That day Stiles went to the cemetery to sulk. He had no idea what to do and it was a couple of weeks since he had visited Gary and Felicia's graves last time, so he decided to make a trip there. His mom's was already taken care of, even if he of course made sure to swing by and offer a smile and gently brush his fingers along her tombstone too.

The cemetery was always so quiet, especially now when the temperature was dropping and most preferred to stay indoors. Stiles didn't mind and slowly made his way past the rows of graves until he reached the two tombstones marking the hunters' resting places.

There wasn't much to do in terms of flowers since it was too cold for anything to survive long anyway but Stiles made sure that they were no browning leaves or dirt marring the stones and empty flowerbeds. After that he just sat crouched in front of the two tombstones, staring at them but seeing something else entirely.

Stiles hadn't allowed himself to panic over how his and Derek's relationship might be over but it was looking more and more like that was a real possibility at this point. He didn't want to – Stiles was certain of his own and Derek's feelings – but he hadn't accounted for something like this. He had seriously hurt Derek and neither of them really knew how to handle that. Stiles had broken Derek's trust and everyone knew how much Derek valued loyalty and how difficult it was for him to trust people. They might not recover.

Stile sighed heavily and kept himself from flopping to the ground only because he would be cold and even more miserable within moments if he did.

"You make me worry, you know that, right?"

Stiles jumped in fright, springing to his feet in a flurry of flailing limbs. He placed a hand on his chest and gave Scott a particularly nasty glare.

"Dude! Don't scare me like that!"

Scott gave a half smile and a shrug, as if that would serve as an apology. A shitty one.

"Why are you moping at the cemetery? It doesn't look good."

Stiles rolled his eyes while brushing some imaginary dirt from his pants. He appreciated the concern but there wasn't much Scott could do at this point.

"I just thought that I'd visit and make sure that the graves looked nice, that's all," Stiles defended but it was only part of the truth. He had wanted someplace quiet to mull things over, but he hadn't exactly reached any epiphanies yet.

Scott stepped closer, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. He had changed over the past couple of months, becoming calmer and more stable, growing into the role as one of the cornerstones of their pack. Stiles liked it even if he sometimes missed the goofy smiles and stupid comments that didn't quite come as frequently anymore. It was still Scott though, caring, brave and utterly selfless.

"Stiles, can you at least tell me what's going on?" Scott pleaded, looking so earnest and worried that Stiles almost cracked. But only almost.

He sighed and shook his head.

"It's between me and Derek, Scott."

"But it's been over two weeks already! I'm sick of seeing you miserable and I'm pretty certain that Derek is too even if he tries to hide it," Scott exclaimed, spreading his arms in dismay.

"I know, Scott. Trust me – I know." Stiles tried to smile but it must have looked more like a pained grimace. "I just... perhaps it needs more time." He shrugged helplessly, staring forlornly at the ground.

Scott seemed to square his shoulders.

"Hey, Stiles, you still have the dog whistle?"

Stiles blinked stupidly, stumped by the sudden change of subject.

"Yeah, of course I do. Why?"

Scott smiled disarmingly.

"Just wondering. Can I borrow it for a second?" Scott held out his hand, as if he expected Stiles to just hand it over. It was a little more complicated than that though so Stiles hesitated, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Why? What are you going to do with it?"

Scott rolled his eyes.

"I thought that I should give Allison one too, but instead of stealing one from Deaton I was going to buy it. I just want to see what kind of model you have, since she should be able to change the frequency on hers too, like the rest of you," Scott explained patiently and Stiles suddenly felt a little dumb. Of course Scott wouldn't steal it from him. Scott knew how important it was.

"Oh, right. That's actually a good idea. Not that Allison can't defend herself but I guess it's a rather nice way of showing that she's welcome into the pack." Stiles fished out the whistle from underneath his shirt but stopped before handing it over. "You have asked Derek about this first though, haven't you? He has the right to veto that kind of decision, being the alpha and all that."

Just talking about Derek hurt, dammit, but Stiles was pretty certain that he managed to mask it fairly well. Scott didn't say anything about it at least.

"Yeah, I asked him first and he's fine with it. Well, he didn't say _no_ so I just decided to take it as a yes." Scott grinned and Stiles couldn't help but laugh, dropping the whistle into Scott's waiting hand.

"If he didn't say no it's fine. Just don't expect him to show any kind of reaction to it. You know how he is with social conventions and emotions."

Scott nodded before taking a couple of steps back, to Stiles' utter confusion.

"Yeah, I know," was all Scott said before he raised the whistle to his lips and blew.

Stiles couldn't hear it that well, which might have been why he just stood there for a second or two, staring stupidly at Scott, before he realized what was going on.

He rushed forward and tore the whistle from Scott's grip.

"Are you _insane_?" Stiles cried, slapping Scott on the head for good measure. "You can't just blow it like that! You're only supposed to do that if there's an emergency and this clearly isn't one! The pack will think I'm in trouble!"

"No they won't." Scott was far too calm about this. He even looked pleased, the fucking bastard. "I told them that they might hear your whistle this afternoon but that it would be a false alarm and that no rescue was needed."

Stiles blinked in incomprehension. Scott was completely nuts.

" _What_? Why would you do that? What the heck is wrong with you?"

"I told everyone but Derek."

Stiles froze, his anger giving way for panic. Had Scott just made Derek believe that there was a crisis at hand and that Stiles was in danger? Which was a complete lie and another crack in the already frail trust between them. If Derek wasn't pissed with Stiles already he definitely would be now.

"You... you planned this?" Stiles could feel himself pale, his stomach giving a sickening roll. That sneaky little shit. That stuff about Allison had actually sounded believable.

Worry flashed across Scott's face before he straightened, clearly feeling confident in his plan. Whatever it was. Stiles was just feeling panicked and vaguely nauseous.

"You have to talk to him, Stiles."

"I've been trying to do that!" Stiles shouted, waving his arms despite how unbalanced it made him feel. "I've been trying for two whole weeks! I want to apologize but he won't let me!"

"Then you can do that when he gets here."

Stiles turned on Scott, poking him in the chest.

"And what if he doesn't, huh? What if he doesn't come?"

Scott blinked, clearly surprised by the vehemence in Stiles' voice. Stiles hadn't known that it was a true fear of his until he had said it out loud. What if Derek didn't give a damn and just didn't show, even with the whistle calling for him?

"You-... you seriously think that he wouldn't?" Scott sounded heartbroken all of a sudden, like he couldn't believe that Stiles would think that Derek wouldn't show when Stiles might be in danger.

"I-..." Stiles gaped, trying to find his words but he just didn't know what to say. He honestly didn't know. Before their fight he wouldn't even have hesitated – of course Derek would come – but now? Stiles wasn't sure. He hated it but he wasn't sure. He had no idea how much damage he had done with his stupid questions and prying.

It was all his fault.

"Stiles, you can't seriously think that he'd just leave you. You know that Derek is better than that and that he'd do practically anything to keep us safe, even if the two of you-"

"Of course I know!" Stiles nearly screamed. "I know, okay! Derek is so much better than that! _I'm_ the one who screwed up! _I'm_ the one who ruined it, okay?" Stiles was panting and waving his arms, the dog whistle still clutched in his hand. "You want to know what happened, huh? Well, that's it. I screwed up. I scared him off. I poked and prodded and pried until I got too deep and scared him off – and he has every right to run. He asked me to stop and I didn't. I was just so _stupid_."

Scott seemed taken aback, either by what Stiles was telling him or the sheer amount of emotions that was suddenly exploding out of Stiles.

"And I've been trying to apologize but he won't let me. I know I was wrong and I know that I broke his trust but he won't talk to me and I don't know what to do, Scott. All I know is that he might just hate me now and I have no idea if he's trying to just gently signal that he's not interested anymore by this whole ignoring thing he's got going on, or if I really screwed up so bad that he can't talk to me."

Stiles sucked in a deep breath.

"Either way, _this_ -" he shook the dog whistle "-isn't going to help because he's already freaked out as it is and he really has no reason to come running after what I did. I know that he's devoted enough to do it but I don't know if _I_ deserve it, alright?"

Scott didn't seem to know what to do to calm Stiles down. Now that he had gotten started there was no stopping him.

"It just _hurts_. Because it was _so_ good, me and Derek. We're good together, you know? I mean, I drive him up the wall and he annoys the ever living daylight out of me sometimes but we make it work. I just... I love spending time with him, I love his stupid, pretty face and I love the way he keeps playing with my hair – as if I can't tell that he loves it too. I love his grumpy moods and I love the face he makes when he tries not to smile even if he both know that he won't manage. I love how he makes me smile and how I make him smile and I love that he lets me close. I just love _him_ , plain and simple."

Stiles froze.

Well.

That came out of the left field.

But then again, it really didn't. They had been together for a couple of months now, braved a murderous alpha, hunters and Stiles' dad – they better have something to show for it. He had just avoided naming it, discreetly skirting around it to avoid putting pressure on either of them. But it was the truth. He did love Derek. Stiles never did anything by halves – least of all when it came to caring for someone. He was either in or out and here he was definitely all in.

He loved Derek. He really did.

"Fuck," he gasped for breath, feeling a little lightheaded. "That has to be the worst timing to realize something like that in the history of ever. I'm not even sure if he wants to see me again and I decide to finally face the fact that I love him. Fuck me. I'm such an idiot. God. I am such an _idiot_!" Stiles hid his face in his hands. "Why couldn't I have said that instead of all the shit I told him? Why can't he just listen when I want to tell him that I'm sorry – so fucking sorry – and that I don't want to lose this? I really, really don't. _I love him_ , for heaven's sake!"

"Uh," was Scott's intelligent reply, "I should get going."

Stiles lowered his hands and stared at Scott in disbelief.

"What? You're just gonna _leave_? You make me pour all of this out and then you're just going to abandon me?" Stiles questioned, voice rising an octave or two.

At least until he caught Scott's gaze. And noticed the ever so subtle nods Scott was giving him, indicating something behind Stiles.

Oh great.

"He's right behind me, isn't he?"

Scott made an awkward, pained grimace.

"Well, not exactly. He's over by the tree line but he can hear you just as well as if he was behind you, I guess."

Oh swell. Stiles wanted to sink through the ground and he was not, under any circumstance, going to turn around. He wanted to – God how he wanted to at least get too _see_ Derek because even that was a novelty nowadays – but Derek had been tricked into coming and that wasn't fair.

"Don't be mad at Stiles for the whole whistle thing. I was the one who blew it," Scott said in his normal voice, as if he was talking to Stiles or anyone else right in front of him, but Derek would undoubtedly be able to pick up on it as well.

Scott gave Stiles an encouraging but slightly worried nod before he turned and left. Just like that. The fucking bastard. Stiles was going to throttle him.

He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It's okay, Derek. You can go home. I'm sorry about Scott. Had I known what he was going to do I wouldn't have given him the whistle in the first place." Stiles tried to keep his voice stable but it was difficult. He was talking to Derek but he had no idea if Derek was listening or still there. "I'm sorry about other things too – all of it – but I know that you might not want to hear that." He was not going to turn around. He was _not_ going to turn around. "So it's okay to leave again. I won't stop you."

Stiles held his breath, having no clue how he was supposed to figure out if Derek had left or not, but he couldn't help counting the seconds. When he reached two hundred and hadn't heard as much as a cough he felt his shoulders slump.

Fuck, that hurt.

He cleared his throat and tried to tell himself that he deserved it but it still hurt. He had hoped that Derek would at least come and talk to him, but there weren't many reasons for him to suddenly want that, Stiles supposed. Nothing had changed just because Scott had scared him into rushing to Stiles' aid when there wasn't even an emergency in the first place.

"Fuck," he muttered with a half choked little sniff. His eyes were burning but he wasn't crying. He refused to cry. It was his own goddamned fault. He forced himself to breathe as calmly as possible but it wasn't like he was close to a panic attack. It just hurt.

A hand brushed against his back and Stiles shrieked in surprise. He would undoubtedly have lamped Derek one if it hadn't been for the alpha's werewolf reflexes. As it was now he just effortlessly caught Stiles' hand before it managed to slam into his face. Stiles had gained some pretty violent self-preservation instincts from all that running from certain death.

Stiles blinked, not sure what to say or do. He had thought that Derek left. But there he was, calmly letting go of Stiles' hand as if he hadn't almost gotten punched in the face.

"Your heart was beating too fast," was all Derek offered in terms of an explanation and all it served to do was make Stiles feel even more guilty. Of course Derek had stayed because he was worried about Stiles – even if he was the asshole that had hurt him – because Derek was just that darn self-sacrificing.

Derek's face was carefully blank but he seemed trapped somehow, as if all he really wanted was to break free. Stiles felt his chest ache.

"Um, yeah... sorry." Stiles swallowed and scratched his hair, ruffling it until it had to be standing more on end than usual. He had gotten used to the new length by now, even if he still missed his buzz cut sometimes. "I-... uh... how much of that did you hear?"

Stiles couldn't be sure. Even if Derek hadn't showed until the very end werewolf hearing was remarkable and if Derek had made an effort he might have heard Stiles' not so subtle shouting long before he actually came within sight.

Derek eyed him carefully, as if he wasn't sure whether to answer or not, and Stiles felt his heart sink. He wanted to fix this – God how he wanted to fix this – but he had no idea how. If it would help to weep at Derek's feet he would totally do that though. He wasn't very far from it, in fact.

"Quite a lot," Derek replied eventually, which didn't narrow it down at all.

Stiles closed his eyes for a second before looking up at Derek, knowing that Derek was at least standing in front of him now. He could talk and if he was lucky Derek might listen.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I am so terribly sorry for what I did. You were right – I should have backed off when you asked me to and I had no right to keep pushing." He licked his lips. "I don't even have a good reason for why I did it, except perhaps me being an idiot. Which I am, by the way. Totally am. And a dick."

Derek didn't say anything. He just kept giving Stiles the same empty look. And Stiles kept talking, not knowing what else he could do at that point.

"I asked you to trust me and I blew it. I know that and I know that just saying sorry doesn't make it better. If I could take it back I would. If there was some miracle way for me to fix it I would. But right now all I can do is apologize and ask for another chance. I might not deserve it but I really, really want to keep going, with us. You and me."

Stiles wasn't going to say that he loved Derek. The alpha had probably heard it anyway and while it was true Stiles had no intention of trying to use that as some sort of sales pitch to force them back together again. Stiles had no idea if Derek felt the same for one.

Derek stared down at the ground for a brief second and when he looked up again and their gazes met there was something lurking there in Derek's eyes. Stiles dared to hope that it was forgiveness of some kind.

"I still don't want to talk about it."

Stiles shook his head.

"And you don't have to. You shouldn't have to. You were right. I shouldn't have asked and you will tell me when you're ready – or not at all, if you don't want to. That's just the way things are and I'll accept that." Stiles bit his lip. "There are some things I don't want to talk about either. And I shouldn't expect you to have to do that when I don't. So I'm sorry. I'll listen next time. If you let us have a next time."

Derek took a couple of seconds to just look at Stiles and no matter how much he wanted to fidget under the scrutiny Stiles made sure to remain motionless and calm. The moment of judgment passed when Derek raised his hand, letting it wander into Stiles' hair; that was really all the answer Stiles needed.

He could feel his tense muscles relax, a dry sob of relief getting stuck in his throat. The moment he felt Derek's lips against his forehead he wanted to whimper. The gesture was so intimate and full of longing and care that it made Stiles' heart twist. Derek's lips lingered, his breath fanning against Stiles' skin, and Stiles wanted to stay like that forever, just soaking up the gentle blissfulness of being that close to Derek.

Stiles felt Derek's fingers pry his hand open and pulled back just in time to realize that Derek was trying to take the dog whistle from him. For a brief moment Stiles feared that his alpha would take it and not return it, somehow revoking Stiles' right to that kind of security, but Derek just calmly shook his head before looping the chain around Stiles' neck again. Derek carefully dropped the small silver whistle inside the collar of Stiles' shirt and placed a hand on Stiles' chest, as if to make sure that it was where it was supposed to be.

"For a moment there I thought-" Derek hesitated, as if he wasn't entirely sure what he had wanted to say to begin with. "... I was terrified."

Stiles moved closer, pulling on Derek's leather jacket to make him do the same. God how Stiles had missed touching him.

"I'm sorry. I know that it's not to be taken lightly." He looked into Derek's eyes "Scott thought differently, I suppose."

Derek only hummed, not giving any other verbal reply. His hands moved back into Stiles' hair, combing through it with such reverence that Stiles knew that Derek must have been wanting to do it for the past two weeks. Both of them had suffered from the separation.

"I'm so sorry," Stiles mumbled as he moved close enough to bury his face against Derek's neck.

They wrapped their arms around each other without question or hesitation. If felt so good to be back in Derek's embrace even if Stiles knew that things weren't perfect yet.

"I know," Derek replied and for a moment Stiles thought that would be it. "And I accept your apology."

Stiles took a deep breath. There were still things to fix – mistakes to make amends for – but it was a start. They would manage. Derek had forgiven him and Stiles could start working on proving to Derek that he could still trust him, even with this huge mishap. Stiles still wanted this to work.

"You know how they say that the first fight in a relationship is always the worst?" Stiles murmured against Derek's skin, feeling rather than hearing Derek hum in some kind of reply. "I sure hope that's true because this was fucking killing me, man. Let's never argue again."

Stiles felt the fear gripping his heart thaw at the sound of Derek's low chuckle.

"We would be able to keep that for fifteen minutes. Tops."

Stiles smiled.

"Yeah, you got a point there," Stiles agreed. "So let's just promise each other that if it is in any way possible we will try to avoid a fight of this caliber again, okay?"

Derek squeezed a little tighter and placed a quick kiss on top of Stiles' head.

"Deal."  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A less fluffy one shot... I managed to give [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) all kinds of feels with this one xD It was beautiful to watch.
> 
> But yeah. They were bound to argue eventually and people kinda forget that Stiles can be a bit of an ass too. He pokes and prods and asks questions when he shouldn't. So I definitely think that he'd accidentally do something like this. And that Derek is actually nice enough to forgive him. So there you have it. Their first huge fight.  
> ... also accidental and not so planned love declaration xD
> 
> And yes, I am totally ignoring whatever canon from the third season that suggests that Stiles knows about Kate. Because I have no idea why he would, unless Derek specifically told him, which he hasn't in my story. So there. I find this to be more logical.


	4. Christmas

 

* * *

 

Christmas was awesome. But Christmas was also painful, horrible and the spawn of Satan. Stiles mood concerning the holiday in question always depended on what stage of it he found himself in.

The first week of December was usually a pain because by then he would already be tired of all the decorations and advertisements that seemed to pop up sooner every year. By the second week he was ready to kill anyone even so much as humming a carol and spent most of his time grumbling under his breath Grinch-style while studiously avoiding anything jolly. The third week, well, that was when the small, hopeful boy in him started to stir, even if he tried to stop it. He still didn't like all the bright, shiny lights, atrocious music and commercialization but the _joy_ started to seep in; the expectations and the longing. By week four and the days leading up to Christmas Day he turned into a Christmas monster.

He wasn't _that_ horrible, not really, but he did clean the house, decorated a little and baked cookies – like his mom used to do –, even if he botched about half of them. His dad usually took the bad ones to work and whether they got thrown away or actually eaten Stiles had no idea, but his dad always smiled whenever he left with a one of the boxes under his arm so it was all good.

There were many Christmas traditions in the Stilinski household but not all of them had survived the death of Stiles' mother. Stiles mourned that to a degree but at the same time he felt relieved that they weren't trying to forcibly keep smiling when things obviously weren't okay.

Stiles still made sure to thoroughly clean the house like his mother would even if he decorated less. He and his dad didn't cook the same food either because they just weren't that good at it and nor did they have the energy to actually make the effort to learn. The type of cookies was different and they spent less time pouring through seasonal movies or playing games and more just watching whatever was on TV in companionable silence.

But that was Stiles and his dad. They were low key. It suited them. Sure, Stiles missed the sparkling innocence of his childhood Christmases but without his mom it would have felt hollow if they tried to replicate it anyway. And it wasn't like it was bad this way. Just different.

They always visited her grave, both on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was moments spent in almost complete silence – reverence and grief mingling until it was almost impossible to breathe – but Stiles would never want it any other way. She was gone and he would never, ever get over it.

Christmas was, in short, something that left Stiles with many contradictory emotions. He hated society as a whole during Christmas – the hype, the craze and the false promises – but he loved the sheltered little bubble created within the walls of their own home. He loved the warmth and the intimacy, the feeling of family and belonging. But that also lead to loss because his mom wasn't there.

He could flip from one emotion to the other in the span of seconds and it always left him a little exhausted. But all in all he guessed he liked Christmas. When it all came down to it – when Christmas Day arrived and the food was devoured, presents opened and the unconditional closeness was shared – he actually loved it.

The pack only made him love it more.

They all had their own families of course so spending actual Christmas together was out – the majority of the parents didn't even know about there being a pack in the first place – but they had agreed to get together and share presents and a few laughs before they all went their separate ways.

Allison was going away with her father, probably in an attempt to ease the grief and pressure of their first Christmas without Mrs. Argent. Lydia was going with Jackson's family to some ski resort, Danny and his family was going to Hawaii – which was just completely backwards to Stiles – while the rest of them were going to spend it there in Beacon Hills with their families. The exception being Isaac who had been invited to the McCall's on account of not having a family to celebrate it with.

Stiles figured that while being an emancipated teen had to be pretty sweet at times Christmas was probably not one of them.

Stiles and his dad was actually going to the McCall's too, simply because his dad and Melissa had keep in touch after the whole hospitalization thing and figured that it was better to celebrate it together rather than them sitting isolated in their own houses. Stiles was actually looking forward to spending Christmas with Scott and Isaac, not to mention that he knew that his dad wouldn't be alone either, when the younger ones went to enjoy themselves. It was gearing up to become the best Christmas in a while.

The only thing that worried him was Derek.

When the pack got together to exchange gifts – most of them silly things for laughs unless you were Scott and Allison and stupidly romantic – Derek was there with the rest of them. Quiet and a little distant perhaps but he was at least there.

They gathered at Stiles' house – his dad working late to cover for some deputy who had applied for some extra time with his family – and spent the entire evening just chilling. Stiles served snacks and the prettiest cookies from his batches and even Lydia offered him a compliment or two – she was the expert on hosting get-togethers after all.

While Stiles was pretty occupied with the sheer joy of seeing the pack gathered and so happy he didn't miss that Derek was more withdrawn than usual. Stiles didn't want the others to notice though and therefore chose not to comment, even if he made sure to sit as close to Derek as possible when the opportunity was given. Derek had no trouble with that, easily wrapping an arm around Stiles' shoulders and let him stay there, well into Derek's personal space, but there was an emotional distance. Derek was out of balance.

Stiles grew more worried as the evening progressed. When they reached the point where Boyd was becoming relaxed enough to get surprisingly talkative and Derek still did nothing but stare blankly at them Stiles started to fidget. He was so attuned to Derek by then that he could tell when something was wrong and this was definitely signs of something being wrong. That sensing trouble thing seemed to go both ways however.

"What it is?" Derek murmured in Stiles' ear, so close that Stiles could feel the brush of his lips against his skin. He tried not to shiver.

"I could ask you the same thing," he whispered back, careful not to disturb the story Erica was in the middle of telling.

Derek stiffened while his eyes grew a little distant. Stiles tried not to let it get to him.

"Later," was Derek's gruff response and Stiles recognized the dismissal for what it was.

Had they been someplace else, during different circumstances, he might have pushed, at least a little, but the rest of the pack was there and the memory of The Fight was still fresh in Stiles' memory. So he let it be, for now. It was probably something they should handle in private.

If he had known that Derek would drop off the radar the following day he wouldn't have backed off as easily.

 

 

It took until Christmas Eve before Stiles really started to worry. If Derek missed out on a couple of calls, fine, he could be busy. But when he didn't reply to texts or at least gave a sign that he was alive Stiles couldn't help that his fear got the best of him.

He had no idea what was wrong but he could assume that it was a variation of what he was going through. If he was missing his mom during Christmas then what was Derek feeling? Derek entire family was gone – even Laura – and Peter wasn't exactly a nice person to be around. Stiles hadn't even seen the insane ex-alpha in a while, so perhaps Peter was out of town or something. Fact still remained that Derek was avoiding contact and it was probably because he was grieving.

Stiles was pretty certain that Derek was still alive – he trusted that the betas would tell him otherwise – but he saw neither hide nor hair of him. If Stiles hadn't been so worried he would have been pissed. Derek was isolating himself and that was never a good thing; not only because it made Stiles twitchy and unsettled not to be near him but also because it usually never solved anything. It only made Derek miserable.

So while Stiles knew that Derek probably wanted some privacy he couldn't help asking Scott where Derek was, because Scott had superpowers and could track their alpha if necessary. Scott gave some vague reply which eventually amounted to 'around' and Stiles identified it as Scott's way of telling Stiles that maybe, just maybe, they should respect Derek's wishes this time. Stiles grudgingly agreed but unless he had heard from Derek on Christmas Day morning he was going to go out there and search for him, Derek's need for brooding be damned.

Christmas Eve was a nice affair – calm, quiet and pretty pleasant. Stiles and his dad spent it alone, eating nice food, watching TV and stuffed themselves with the cookies Stiles had hid from the pack just to make sure that some were left for the actual Christmas celebration. They visited Stiles' mom's grave and then took a stroll over to Gary and Felicia's too. His dad didn't seem to mind.

Stiles kept glancing at his phone though and while there were texts to answer from both Erica and Scott every now and then there were none from Derek. It didn't take long for his dad to notice and when he asked about it Stiles could only tell the truth; that he hadn't heard from Derek in a while and that it worried him.

His dad seemed a little troubled too, especially when he asked what Derek would be doing for Christmas and Stiles had no answers. Derek was probably not going to do _anything_ for Christmas. He probably wouldn't even have cared if it hadn't been for the pack.

When Christmas Day came and Stiles still hadn't heard from Derek he started getting serious about finding his stupid alpha. Stiles and his dad still went through the usual traditions together with presents and a second visit to Stiles' mom's grave but after that Stiles bid his dad goodbye – with a promise to be at the McCall house before dinner – and then left to find Derek. It wasn't even that difficult because Stiles had a strong suspicion about where he was hiding. So he took his Jeep and drove out to the Hale ruins, silently cursing the cold under his breath.

The Camaro wasn't there when Stiles pulled up but that didn't really mean anything. Derek could easily have walked or ran there, especially if he was brooding. Stiles climbed out of his car and calmly trudged up to the house, the porch steps creaking under his feet. The door gave a sharp whine in protest when Stiles pushed it open but he didn't hesitate before he stepped inside. The murky smell was oddly familiar and the sight of the charred remains of the house and furniture wasn't nearly as scary as it probably should have been.

Stiles didn't bother to call out, he just moved deeper into the house, searching for Derek. It was still light outside so it wasn't that difficult to navigate, thankfully enough. When he didn't find anything on the bottom floor he carefully scaled the stairs, trying not to touch or disturb anything. While he was far from afraid it felt as if he was intruding on something he wasn't quite allowed to see.

Stiles couldn't help that he let out a breath of relief when he peeked inside one of the rooms on the second floor and found Derek sitting propped up against the wall, arms resting against his raised knees. Derek's eyes were closed, his head leaning against the wall behind him, but he must know that Stiles was there. He couldn't have missed it. Derek looked peaceful almost, his face relaxed and completely motionless, but Stiles knew better.

He sighed softly before moving over to sit down beside Derek. He didn't touch him, knowing that this might actually be one of the times when it really wouldn't be met favorably, and subconsciously mirrored Derek's pose.

They remained in silence for long, tense minutes. Derek had to know why Stiles was there and Stiles could guess why Derek was. Stiles scratched his hair and blew out a slow breath.

"I'm not going to tell you to talk to me," Stiles began, staring straight ahead, "I just want to know if there's anything I can do. I won't ask if you're okay because you're obviously not but... what can I do?"

Derek didn't move or otherwise show that he had heard. Stiles was okay with that. He could wait.

Cold was seeping in through his jeans from the scratchy, dirty floor but he'd stay as long as he had to – or at least until Derek told him to leave. Stiles pulled his jacket tighter and kept to his own space.

Minutes passed. Stiles was quiet, silently waiting for Derek to move or react somehow. Stiles knew that it might take a while but he still preferred that over pushing too hard and risk Derek pulling away from him. Derek would get unnerved by Stiles' presence eventually and when he did they could talk. Stiles just hoped that it would happen before his teeth started to clatter.

Sitting in complete silence was a test on Stiles' patience but it was easier than usual, perhaps because the situation was a lot more serious than other instances. This was about Derek's wellbeing and Stiles wasn't going to take chances with something that important.

And sure enough, after what Stiles estimated to be about twenty minutes Derek twisted awkwardly next to him. Stiles kept looking straight ahead but he could see in the corner of his eye how Derek turned his head to look at him. Stiles knew that he was just short of shivering from the cold but he pretended that he wasn't.

"You should go home." Derek's voice was rough and a little hoarse, as if he hadn't used it for a day or two, and Stiles had no trouble believing that was the actual case.

"I will." Stiles looked at Derek, smiling carefully. "I just want you to answer my question first. And if the answer is truly that there's nothing I can do then I'll leave." He sighed. "But please don't lie. That's all I ask. Don't lie."

Derek looked away and Stiles bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from pushing harder. That would definitely ruin it. He could feel the frailty of the moment, hovering between them like invisible threads, and he had to be careful not to tug at them too hard. He had promised that Derek wouldn't have to talk unless he was ready to do so but it hurt to see him like this. Derek wasn't okay. He had gone back to being quiet and distant, as if to shield himself against something.

Stiles didn't like it.

He could see that something was weighting on Derek's shoulder, the question was just if it was something more than the death of the Hale family – and if he would be willing to talk about it. Stiles wasn't going to bet on it but there was something different about Derek. He didn't seem angry and defensive – he looked tired. His gaze was blank, his shoulders slumped and he kept leaning his head against the wall behind them, as if he couldn't quite keep it upright on his own. Derek definitely wasn't okay.

"It was my fault."

Stiles jumped at the sound of Derek's voice, so unprepared to hear it. He blinked stupidly, staring at Derek in confusion.

"Uh... what?" Stiles asked carefully. He wasn't following.

Derek didn't look at him and instead gestured vaguely towards the rest of the blackened room.

"The fire. It was my fault." Derek's voice was monotone and flat, as if he had no emotional connection to that statement. Stiles knew that was a lie. "It's not survivor's guilt. I know it was my fault. I think that Laura might have known too... but she never said anything."

Stiles took a couple of precious seconds to formulate his reply, knowing that he was beyond treading dangerous ground here – he was standing on top of an armed landmine.

"Why do you say that?" He wasn't going to argue against it even if that was his first instinct. He had to let Derek talk, even if he had a really bad feeling about this.

Derek took a deep breath and Stiles pretended that he couldn't hear that it trembled – that Derek nearly choked on it.

"Kate." A flash of hate sneaked into Derek's voice but above all Stiles noticed the guilt and shame. "I let her."

Stiles froze, staring at Derek in incomprehension.

"You-... let her do what?" Stiles mind was spinning.

"I let her get close. She got to them because of me." Derek thumped his head against the wall. "I was young. And stupid. And she... she was beautiful. Dangerous. Older. Exciting."

Stiles felt himself go cold. So very cold. He could clearly hear what Derek wasn't saying. It was far too obvious what had happened between Derek and Kate and how it had lead to the Hale family's murder. Kate had used Derek to get to them and Derek blamed himself for it. Ever since the fire Derek had been carrying this inside of him.

Stiles struggled to breathe. He hadn't expected that. He definitely hadn't. God. Everything made so much more sense and hurt ten times more. Derek had been in high school when the fire happened. He hadn't been legal. That was why he was so adamant about the no sex-rule. That was why he had freaked out so badly when Stiles started talking about Kate. That was why he had been so careful around Allison.

Stiles could feel tears burn but he forced himself to hold them back. Derek wouldn't want him to cry, not even on his behalf. That was just stupid. Instead Stiles took a couple of deep breaths and cleared his throat. He had no idea what to say. He had no comforting words or uplifting suggestions. Even if the majority of the blame was still on Kate – nothing would ever change that – he could understand that Derek felt a need to shoulder some. Heck, if Stiles felt guilty for his mom's death then he was not the one to say that Derek couldn't feel guilty for the death of his family. That was just hypocritical.

But he could, on the other hand, do what he could to ease the pain.

"So now you're sitting here." Stiles could hear how his voice cracked but acted as if it hadn't.

Derek was silent for a couple of minutes, either mulling it over or just not listening.

"I don't know what else to do," Derek admitted, voice low and frail – frailer than Stiles had ever heard it. He was aching to reach out and touch Derek but knew that he couldn't. This time he had to wait until Derek instigated it or showed that it was okay.

"Well... it's horrible. I'm not going to lie. What Kate did is some seriously fucked up shit but even so – whatever you think you did wrong... you can't let it rule your life. You have to do something about it," Stiles offered hesitantly. He had no idea what to say. This wasn't something you just shrugged off but he didn't want Derek to wallow in it either.

Derek's bark of laughter was harsh and cold – sudden and loud enough to startle Stiles into flinching. Derek didn't seem to notice.

"What can possibly be done now? It's already too late."

"Yeah, I bet that's going to make you feel better," Stiles muttered without thinking. It wasn't until he heard Derek's low growl that he remembered that he was sitting there with a werewolf – he would hear everything Stiles said.

"Perhaps I don't want to feel better," Derek hissed through clenched teeth and Stiles kept himself from rolling his eyes only because Derek had finally turned to look at him. He wasn't going to waste that opportunity.

He met Derek's gaze head on and forced his expression to remain neutral.

"Perhaps I want my mom to still be alive."

It hurt to say it out loud. It really did. It wasn't a secret or anything but Stiles had never said it. Never expressed just exactly how devastated he was. How much he missed her. How much it hurt him – every single day – that he wouldn't see her again, smell her perfume or hear her laugh. It might just be one person but it wasn't like he didn't know what loss was about. He had felt it too.

The statement was obviously unexpected enough to make Derek falter. Stiles licked his lips.

"And if I told you that I just... don't want to do anything about the guilt and pain that I feel, what would you do?" He looked Derek square in the eye and his alpha didn't look away. He didn't even flinch. "How would that make you feel? Would you be worried? Would it feel like someone just ripped your heart out of your chest and crushed it – not because you're hurt but because you know, deep down, that what I'm saying is that I don't want to try? That I think that it's worthless? Because that's what it feels like to me. I _ache_ , Derek, because I want to do something, so bad, but I know that it doesn't matter. Not to you. It will only matter if you decide that it should. And right now you don't." Stiles swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I want you to feel better..."

Derek closed his eyes and let out a suffering sigh – the one that seemed to mean that Stiles had just done something that Derek couldn't argue with. It meant that Stiles had made a point. A good one. Derek thumped his head back against the wall, eyes still closed.

"I hate you sometimes." There was no heat in Derek's words though, only resignation and a tiny hint of warmth.

Stiles' smile trembled but Derek didn't see it anyway.

"I know. But mostly it's just when you know I'm right." He shuffled a little closer but still not close enough for them to touch. Derek would get to take that step. "I'm not saying that you can't sit here and mope for a while – we all have the right to do that sometimes – but don't let it last for days. And don't stop responding to my texts and calls. It just makes me worried and a sentence to let me know that you're alive but want to be left alone isn't that hard to send, okay?"

Derek nodded slowly while remaining silent for a couple of beats.

"Are you going to ask about Kate?"

Stiles hesitated before he shook his head, forgetting that Derek wouldn't see it with his eyes closed.

"No. I understand the gist of it and I honestly don't want to drag it all to the surface. If you want to talk then I'll listen. But I'm not going to ask questions." Partly because he didn't want to know. Not the details. He understood the big picture well enough and it was terrifying just the way it was.

It would take a while before he had had time to sort it through.

"I never told anyone," Derek mused, almost to himself.

"I appreciate that I was the one you chose to tell it to." Not only because of the sheer amount of trust Derek must have in him, but because it made things easier to understand. Many of the missing pieces of the puzzle also known as Derek Hale had suddenly slotted into place.

Stiles let the silence linger between them, his thoughts rushing back and forth thanks to the new information he had been given, while his heart felt heavy and aching. Understanding Derek meant understanding his pain and Stiles was just glad that he got each portion bit by bit instead of all at once. He was pretty certain that it would be almost too much to bear otherwise.

"You're shivering," Derek noted a little offhandedly.

Stiles chuckled weakly.

"That's because it's fucking freezing, genius. Abandoned houses aren't exactly well insulated."

It might be on the verge of offensive to talk about the state of the house considering their previous conversation but Derek didn't seem to mind. He just wrapped his arm around Stiles' shoulders and pulled him closer, until Stiles was resting against Derek's side. It helped to stave off the cold a little.

Derek was looking around, a thoughtful look on his face.

"I guess that could be fixed..."

Stiles frowned and looked up at Derek, or as best as he could while his head rested against Derek's shoulder.

"What? The house?"

"Yeah, or build a new one..." Alertness was slowly creeping back in to Derek's voice. "Definitely a new one. The foundation is probably the only thing still functional."

Stiles couldn't help smiling softly. Derek almost sounded eager.

"Yeah? What size are we talking about here?"

"A little smaller, I think."

"But still enough room for the pack," Stiles interjected.

"Of course." Derek made it sound like anything else would be unthinkable. "Even just half of the old house would be enough for that."

Stiles cuddled a little closer, secretly pleased to hear Derek get excited about something, especially considering how gloomy they had started out. Stiles hummed.

"As long as there will be a big living room with comfy couches. And a huge kitchen, always full with food. The puppies would like that."

"Yeah, they would."

Stiles was pretty certain that he didn't even imagine hearing a smile in Derek's voice. And the fact that Derek didn't correct Stiles on the use of the term puppies just made it even better. Stiles' chest was brimming with warmth.

Stiles turned more fully against Derek, head propped up against the alpha's broad shoulder, a hand settled on Derek's chest, just to feel his heart beat underneath his fingertips.

"This is it, Derek."

"This is what?" Derek sounded confused and Stiles hand wandered, tracing Derek's collarbone through the fabric of his sweater.

"This is how you move on. This is how you do something about it," Stiles replied, not the least bit surprised to feel Derek stiffen, if only just a little.

There was a breathless moment where Stiles wasn't quite sure if he had crossed the line or not but eventually he felt a kiss land on the top of his head. Derek didn't reply with words – as he sometimes had a habit of doing – but the kiss said enough. And the arm pulling Stiles just an inch closer spoke volumes. Derek could get better.

"Hey, you want to come celebrate Christmas with us? We're going to be at the McCall's and Isaac will be there too. I'm sure you're welcome to join."

Well, Stiles' dad might be a little suspicious at first, but only until he remembered the conversation he and Stiles had had earlier that day. Derek didn't have anyone else. He had nowhere to go, just like Isaac.

Derek seemed a little uncomfortable by the question and slowly shook his head. Stiles tried to figure out whether Derek was just trying to be polite or if he actually didn't want to. It was difficult to tell when he wasn't actively studying Derek's face.

Stiles swallowed and gnawed on his bottom lip.

"I don't want you to be alone," he admitted softly.

Derek took a slow but deep breath.

"It's fine. I want to be," Derek replied. Stiles had to grit his teeth not to protest – not even the kiss Derek placed on his temple helped very much.

Stiles closed his eyes and forced himself to admit defeat. He couldn't force Derek to celebrate Christmas, especially not if he was heavy with guilt and grief over his family's death. It still went against every fiber in Stiles' being to allow something like that – to allow Derek to be alone with his mourning.

"Next year, perhaps," Derek offered as some sort of compromise. Stiles nodded mutely. It was better than nothing and Derek had to be allowed to take everything in his own pace. At least there _was_ a pace now. Stiles would make sure of it.

"Just promise me that you won't sit here all night."

Derek huffed.

"Fine. I promise."

Stiles nuzzled his cold nose against Derek's neck, laughing gleefully when his alpha made a choked off noise and recoiled out of reach. Derek gave him a dirty look but Stiles could only grin. He leaned closer, placing a soft, gentle kiss on Derek's lips.

"Merry Christmas, Derek."

Derek seemed to relax.

"Merry Christmas."

Stiles caught one of Derek's hands and twined their fingers together, even if his own were stiff from the cold by then.

"It will get better," he promised.

Derek didn't seem to know what to answer so he just nodded, but Stiles chose to take that as a promise too.

Derek would try. Derek would get better. Both of them would.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst and fluff. Because that's a nice combination, right? Poor [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) was pretty certain that I was trying to break her heart at this point, but things did get better! Right? There's hope for the future!
> 
> I kinda like this one shot... a lot.


	5. The Date

 

* * *

 

"Derek, we should go on a date."

Derek looked up from the book he was reading, raising a dubious eyebrow. Stiles was sprawled on his stomach on Derek's couch, homework spread out in front of him, but his attention was clearly elsewhere.

"What?" Derek asked patiently, but with a hint of dread.

"It just occurred to me that we've never been on a date. I mean, we've been dating for like months but we've never been on an actual date." Stiles flipped onto his side, giving Derek a puzzled look. "That doesn't sound quite right, does it?"

Derek's face was blank in that way that Stiles knew meant that he was trying not to freak out. A while back Stiles might have eased off, not wanting to put too much pressure on Derek and his social phobias, but at this point in their relationship Stiles knew when and where he could push without causing too much damage. This had more to do with Derek feeling insecure than it did boundaries and possible emotional pitfalls and triggers.

"I bought you breakfast that one time," Derek said haltingly, as if he knew that it was a weak argument.

"One: not a valid date since it was before we actually started dating." Stiles stared counting on his fingers. "Two: that was one time. _One time_. Three: it was done during duress and I had no idea that you actually counted that as a date when it took place." Stiles stopped to blink. "Wait... What? Was that a date? For real? I thought it wasn't!"

Derek was suddenly very interested in his book but Stiles could tell that his eyes weren't moving and that meant that he definitely wasn't reading.

"What? Really?" Stiles got up from the couch and walked over, plucking the book from Derek's hands, knowing all too well that Derek would just keep ignoring him if he let him keep it.

Derek gave him a murderous glare but that stopped being effective months ago.

Instead Stiles just smiled and eased himself down into Derek's lap, their touching so instinctive and casual by then that Stiles never hesitated to initiate it. Derek's arms wrapped around him with ease, even if the alpha was trying to be cranky. It just wouldn't do to be that close and not touch as much as possible, even if they were in the middle of a bickering match. It was why Stiles loved being in private with Derek.

While they always touched a little even in public – a brush here, standing really close or perhaps even holding hands or a brief kiss – the good stuff happened when they were alone. Derek had nothing against being physical then and Stiles welcomed it greedily.

"Was that a date, Derek?" Stiles asked, voice a low purr, full of amusement and warmth. Stiles ran a hand through Derek's hair, not missing how Derek almost closed his eyes in pure bliss.

Derek made a grumble that could perhaps be recognized as words by some species but definitely not humans. Stiles chuckled and tugged a little on Derek's hair.

"I didn't quite catch that."

Derek gave a suffering sigh.

"I said 'not exactly'."

"And 'not exactly' means that we haven't had a date. Ever." Stiles brushed his lips against Derek's temple, knowing that if he kept touching his alpha he could make Derek agree to anything. It was sneaky and perhaps a little mean but also quite useful. A touch drunk Derek was a compliant Derek.

"Maybe we're just not meant to do dates?" Derek suggested reasonably.

Stiles considered that for a moment. Derek had a point. They weren't exactly the wine and dine kind of people – Stiles couldn't for the life of him imagine them at a restaurant for an example – but there were other things to do. A date didn't have to be classy, which he knew for a fact that they weren't.

"Alright, I'll give you that," Stiles agreed, "but can we at least go watch a movie?"

"A movie?" Derek frowned, as if he had never heard of those talking and moving pictures before.

"Yeah, a movie." Stiles shrugged before pressing a kiss to Derek's brow, just because he could. "I'm not asking for a five star meal and a cruise to the Bahamas but you can at least come with me to see a movie."

"And it would be a date?" Derek seemed hesitant, as if the word date made the whole deal a lot less entertaining.

Stiles didn't quite see the problem. How bad could it be?

"Yeah, sure."

Stiles couldn't help smiling at the small flash of apprehension in Derek's eyes. He shifted around, until he was straddling Derek's legs, and leaned down for a kiss. Derek didn't hesitate to meet it but both of them kept it light and decent.

Stiles eased back after a moment or two, running a finger along the bridge of Derek's nose.

"Relax, big guy. I'm not a demanding date, I promise. I think I would be just as awkward as you if we tried to make a big deal out of it." Stiles was self-aware if anything. "So just... grab your jacket and let's go watch a movie!"

Derek's eyebrows rose in that hilariously adorable expression of surprise of his.

"What? Now?"

Stiles nodded, making a move to climb out of Derek's lap only to realize that he couldn't, because Derek hands were on his hips, holding him still.

Huh. Stiles hadn't even noticed.

"Yes, now." Stiles shrugged, grinning from ear to ear. "Let's go on a simple, uncomplicated date right now. You won't even have to feed me – although I would appreciate it – and just like that we've had our first date. No biggie."

Derek still didn't seem convinced. Stiles framed his alpha's face with his hands, leaning down for another kiss – this one longer, deeper. Stiles could feel his heart starting to race, as it so often did whenever he was close to Derek, and the hum of pleasure was warm and familiar.

They had never done anything more than a couple of heated make out sessions – some of them close calls before they realized that stopping was a good idea – but it was comfortable and unhurried. They were not content perhaps since it was obvious that both of them wanted more, but they had promises to keep and Stiles wasn't going to trample over Derek's values.

Not when he knew about Kate and what she had done.

Derek didn't want to have sex with Stiles when he was still underage and while it stung a little it was a unanimous decision to wait. So they would wait. Even if Stiles sometimes had such a bad case of blue balls that he wanted to bang his head against a wall.

Derek's hands were firm on Stiles' hips and Stiles couldn't hold back a small little moan when they slid higher, just a little, and Derek's fingers slipped under Stiles' t-shirt. His skin seemed to burn under Derek's touch but he knew that they wouldn't go further than that; not until Stiles was eighteen.

So to save himself the agony of too tight jeans he broke the kiss, breathing softly against Derek's lips. Derek's eyes were unfocused and a little hazy.

"Come watch a movie with me..."

Derek seemed to swallow and Stiles had to admit that he loved these moments, when he managed to make Derek lose his cool one way or another. He loved having that kind of effect on the otherwise stoic alpha. Just the fact that Derek was talking more often and so much more easily could be attributed to Stiles' influence. Stiles loved it.

"Fine," Derek relented, his thumb rubbing a distracting circle just above the waistband of Stiles' jeans, "let's go watch a movie."

Stiles grinned and gave Derek another quick kiss.

"Awesome."

 

 

If Stiles hadn't been so giddy about the whole thing he might have been annoyed when they realized that they couldn't agree on what movie to watch. They were at the theatre, with the list of possible choices in front of them, and they just couldn't stop arguing about which one to pick. It was actually quite hilarious and Stiles found himself grinning stupidly even if he should have been angry.

It was just so typically them and it made him happy for some reason.

"You are impossible," Derek growled, sounding more upset than he actually was. Stiles bumped their shoulders teasingly, ignoring how he almost managed to knock himself over when Derek didn't budge an inch. It was like trying to nudge a wall.

"Stop being so cranky."

"I'm being cranky?" Derek questioned, eyebrows raised. "I don't see you making any compromises."

Stiles couldn't help it – he burst out laughing. Derek gave him a dry look but Stiles could see the twitch of amusement he tried to hide. Stiles was still chuckling when he looped his arm around Derek's, cuddling closer than they usually would in public. Derek only stiffened momentarily though, before he found Stiles' hand and twined their fingers together. They were getting better and better at it and while Stiles was always the one to push them further Derek never seemed scared by the advances and their continued public displays of affection. It made Stiles feel even giddier.

"Okay, so how about we both just forget about getting our way and pick something else entirely?" Stiles suggested. "Is that compromise enough for you?"

Derek tilted his head to the side and seemed to consider the offer but before he had time to reply someone was calling for their attention.

"Stiles. Derek. Fancy seeing you here," Lydia chirped.

Stiles looked up, blinking in surprise when his eyes landed on Lydia, a suffering Jackson, a stupidly grinning Scott and a brightly smiling Allison. He had a bad feeling about this.

"... uh."

That was all he had. Lydia seemed to find it hilarious.

"So you're here to watch a movie too? Well that's nice! Why don't you join us? We're going to see this amazing love-"

"It's going to be horrible," Jackson deadpanned, sounding like he might just be considering suicide.

"Jackson!" Lydia hissed, elbowing her boyfriend in his side. She hid the fact that she was probably the only one who felt it admirably well. "You promised to come see it with me."

"Then why are they here?" Jackson gestured towards Scott and Allison, who both seemed to be enjoying themselves royally on Jackson's expense. Stiles couldn't blame them.

"Oh!" Allison held up her hands. "I just thought that it sounded interesting and Scott was nice enough to, you know... come with me."

Stiles looked from one couple to the other. Scott and Allison were officially together now so he had no idea why they wouldn't just come out and say what they were all doing there.

"It's a double date. I thought you four had stopped doing double dates since the fiasco at the bowling alley."

It hadn't been that big of a fiasco perhaps but as far as Stiles knew they hadn't been on many double dates after that.

Lydia tossed her hair over her shoulder before she reached out and grabbed Stiles' wrist.

"It's not a double date, sweetheart," she replied with a frankly terrifying flutter of her eyelashes. "It's a triple date."

Stiles was surprised enough not to struggle when Lydia started towing him along but what really baffled him was that Derek followed too. But that might have been because the alpha was against seeing Stiles turn into the rope in a human tug-o-war. Derek could just have let go of Stiles' other hand of course, but it didn't seem to be one of the options.

"Whu-... what? Triple date? How? When?" Stiles blurted out.

"Just now," Lydia replied briskly.

And that was how Stiles found himself watching a movie he had no interest in whatsoever, with people he kind off adored but didn't quite want to see right now. Matters were only made worse by the fact that Jackson kept elbowing him in his side and Scott somehow managed to steal his popcorns. Not that Stiles knew where the popcorns had come from in the first place but he had been prepared to claim them in his name until Scott stole them.

The only saving grace was that he had Derek on his other side but this was definitely not what he had intended when they had agreed to actually go out and watch a movie. Stiles knew that there had to be at least five movies both of them would rather watch and Stiles wasn't sure if he was enjoying the company. He came here with Derek, not Lydia, Jackson, Scott and Allison.

Stiles was no expert on dates but he was pretty certain that this ranked about as high on the sucky dates scale as a breakfast at a hospital cafeteria. Derek was probably right – they weren't meant to do dates. And it wasn't like they had to either.

When Stiles thought about it he might just prefer watching movies or play video games back at Derek's loft instead. They could talk freely there, without having to be considerate towards others, and there was certainly no Jackson around to elbow him in his side or a Scott to steal his popcorn. Not to mention that they could chose what to watch and wouldn't be saddled down with some strange romantic drama that Stiles couldn't quite grasp. Stiles wouldn't be restricted to his own seat either and could sprawl freely all over the place – especially on top of Derek. That was the best. And Derek wouldn't look as suffering as he did now, like it was torture of some kind and he would rather have been out on the streets fighting a second kanima.

This date sucked.

Twenty minutes into the movie Stiles had had enough and leaned closer to Derek, his lips brushing against the alpha's ear.

"You know what?" he whispered. "I changed my mind. Let's get out of here."

"Thank God," Derek muttered under his breath before he resolutely, without hesitation, rose from his seat and pulled Stiles up along with him.

Stiles grinned, grabbing Derek's hand as the alpha began leading them down their row, towards the exit.

"Stiles!" Lydia hissed angrily, scandalized, but Stiles just waved a hand over his shoulder, not even gracing her with a glance.

It wasn't her date and she had no right to stop them.

Lydia might like dragging Jackson to these kinds of things and Scott and Allison might enjoy them because they're lovesick and adorable but Stiles and Derek? Not going to happen. It wasn't them. They were practical people who valued other things than coming off as the perfect, happy couple in front of others. Stiles would take Derek's loft over this kind of date any day.

Stiles was laughing by the time he and Derek made it out onto the sidewalk, heading for Derek's Camaro. A light drizzle left the air feeling crisp and fresh and Stiles couldn't help reveling in it.

"T-that was so _awful_!" Stiles managed to gasp between laughing and trying to breathe, Derek grinning at him as he steered them towards the car.

"I'm glad that we're in agreement."

Stiles tugged on Derek's hand to make him slow his pace, pushing Derek against the sleek, black car once they came within reach of it. Derek didn't fight it and instead just leaned his back against the Camaro with a crooked little smile.

"Let's never go on a date again. We're clearly not made for it." Stiles laughed and nuzzled close to his alpha, ignoring the rain falling around them.

"You sure about that?" Derek asked, amusement evident in his voice.

"Positive," Stiles replied without hesitation. "If that's what a date looks like then I'm definitely fine without them."

Derek nudged him until Stiles looked up, meeting Derek's gaze.

"Good." Derek's relief was almost a little tragic, but only almost. Stiles forgot all about that when Derek kissed him, their lips wet from the rain.

Stiles hummed in pleasure and pressed closer to Derek, pushing him against the side of the Camaro. The kiss lingered a couple of seconds before Derek pulled back.

"So, this is my suggestion: we go back to my place, I stuff you full with Pop-Tarts – because you did ask to be fed – and we watch the stupidest action flick we can find."

Stiles grinned.

"God, I love you sometimes. Remind me again why I won't let you decide all the time?" Stiles purred, ignoring how Derek flinched momentarily there at the start. He wasn't going to expect a similar reply in return and just continued as if it was natural for him to throw in love declarations into normal conversation like that. It wasn't, but that didn't mean that he was any less sincere – or that Derek had to respond in kind.

"Well, usually you say that it's because I'm stubborn, violent and ruthless," Derek replied dutifully, but there was a slight forced edge to his voice. Stiles ignored that too.

Derek didn't have to tell him anything. He was honestly pretty certain that Derek was right there with him in terms of feelings but if the alpha wasn't ready to say it out loud yet then Stiles definitely wouldn't make him.

"Oh right... and you have the stupidest ideas." Stiles pulled back, but not without giving Derek another soft kiss. "Like that time you tried to get yourself killed for our sakes. I still haven't forgiven you for that one."

He poked Derek's nose, not the least bit surprised when Derek caught his hand and pulled it away with a roll of his eyes.

"And what about you willingly trading your life for Melissa McCall's? I haven't forgiven _you_ for that one," Derek pointed out.

Stiles chuckled.

"Pot, kettle – all that." Stiles kissed Derek again, simply because he couldn't get enough of it. "Now, where are my Pop-Tarts?"

Derek scoffed but released Stiles' hand and after another couple of kisses they finally made it inside the car and could head back to Derek's loft. Where Stiles indeed found himself fed and later sprawled out on top of Derek on the couch, lazily watching the explosions on the TV-screen. Derek was playing idly with Stiles' hair – as he had a habit of doing – and Stiles wondered why on earth he had thought that _this_ could somehow get better.

That was just insane.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short but fluffy one. Very fluffy one. And slightly dorky xD
> 
> It's kinda nice to see them relax and just enjoy each other's company, isn't it? But yeah, I think that they would suck at dates. It just doesn't feel like something they would be good at.
> 
> [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) is my betas as always and you can find me on my [Tumblr](http://amethystinawrites.tumblr.com/) if you have any questions!  
> 


	6. Valentine's Day

 

* * *

 

"So what are you and Derek planning for Valentine's Day?" Lydia asked while carefully spearing a piece of pasta with her fork.

Stiles didn't realize that she was talking to him at first.

"Huh?" he replied, mouth full of food – which earned him a disgusted look from not only Lydia but Jackson and Danny too. Scott was used to it though, possibly Allison too, and the three remaining betas didn't seem to care about Stiles' eating habits, even if they were slightly vile at times.

They were at the school cafeteria, sharing lunch as per usual, and the other students were giving them a pretty wide berth still.

"What are you and Derek planning for Valentine's Day?" Lydia repeated, this time with an edge of command in her voice.

Stiles swallowed dutifully before shrugging.

"Nothing."

Lydia blinked, looking surprised for some reason.

"It's in four days, Stiles. You have to have _some_ plans now that you finally have someone stupid enough to celebrate it with."

Stiles frowned.

"First: ouch! I'm pretty certain that I didn't deserve that. Second: Derek definitely didn't. Third: why would we care? Both Derek and I know that we suck on that cutesy couples' stuff so why bother?"

Their date a while back hadn't exactly been a good one. Mostly because Lydia ruined it, but still.

"You could at least get some chocolate or something," Lydia pointed out.

"I don't even know if Derek likes chocolate." Stiles tilted his head to the side. "Does Derek like chocolate?" he asked the table as a whole but only received scattered shrugs in return.

Huh.

"Stiles! You should know that about your boyfriend!" Lydia berated.

Stiles still felt a little awkward whenever someone called Derek his boyfriend even if he was pretty proud about it too.

"What? How is that relevant? But you know what, I'm pretty certain that I've seen him eat it at some point so I'm guessing that he doesn't hate it. There. Better now?" Stiles didn't see the big deal and no amount of Lydia's nagging was going to make him change his mind. He and Derek weren't going to give each other flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day.

The smell of the flowers would make Derek wrinkle his nose and hiss like an angry cat and the chocolate would make Stiles hyper and a general menace to be around. So no. No celebrating Valentine's Day for them.

"But Stiles, you really can't-"

"Yes, actually we can," Stiles interrupted. He didn't miss the amused looks on Erica and Isaac's faces and just like that Stiles realized that there actually was something he wanted for Valentine's Day, so he quickly changed direction. "But, now that you mention it I _do_ have plans for me and Derek on Valentine's Day."

Lydia perked up at that. She seemed to have decided that it was some sort of responsibility of hers to meddle in Stiles and Derek's relationship. Stiles was pretty certain that had more to do with Stiles and it being his first real relationship than anything else though. It was almost as if she wanted to make sure that he got the best out of it, and that was the only reason he hadn't told her to back off already.

She did mean well. Probably.

"Tell us," she demanded.

"I want to be alone with him. I want one evening where none of you puppies come running to Derek or me. I want blissful radio silence and privacy." Stiles looked around the table, making sure to convey his demands through the sternness of his gaze. Erica and Isaac – the most common culprits – had the decency to look a little guilty.

Not that he actually minded having them around – he loved his pack – but lately he had been getting less and less time with Derek in private. Which was actually a bigger deal than he let on because most of the by now life-sustaining cuddling was done when no one else was watching. It just wasn't the same with anyone else in the room and people had always _been_ in the same room the last couple of weeks, thus no cuddling.

Derek had also been extra busy since he had gotten the all-clear to start building on the old Hale property and while it was still about a month until the start of construction Derek was more often than not off planning the new house. Because, like Derek had suspected, the foundation was really the only useful piece left so it would be a completely new house rather than building off the old one.

Stiles had been hesitant about that at first – whether or not it would be more of a reminder of Derek's family's demise than a tribute to what was still standing – but after some gentle prodding Stiles had realized that Derek was looking forward to it. Like, _really_ looking forward to it.

Derek wanted a big house where it would be easier for the pack to gather and stay over if needed and it had to be somewhere secluded and close to the woods – Stiles could tell that Derek kind of missed that. The loft really wasn't cutting it when the pack wanted to meet.

Stiles had started to veto the use of the train depot because it was filthy and disgusting and one of the humans would catch some kind of disease from it eventually, so when they couldn't use Stiles' house they went to Derek's loft. The alpha had been prissy about that for days because he apparently didn't like having the pack in his personal space like that – at first at least – but now many of them came and went like it was a second home.

Stiles had liked that at first but lately it had happened so often that he and Derek barely got any time alone with each other.

So building a bigger house seemed like a good idea and it wasn't like Derek lacked the money. The sheer amount of enthusiasm Derek had for the project was astounding actually. It was low key of course because this was Derek they were talking about, but Stiles could read him like an open book at that point and Derek was definitely hyped about it. In that adorably cranky, serious way he usually showed it in.

Derek wanted to build something – with and for his new pack. He would never get his family back but he had been given another one and once the thought of rebuilding the Hale house into something new – something for their pack to share – had taken hold Derek had been unstoppable. It was frankly quite adorable and Stiles did what he could to encourage it. Derek seemed to find it cathartic and if he somehow managed to lay some of that anger, guilt and grief to rest by building a new house where the old one had stood then Stiles was all for it. The downside being that Derek was often away talking to architects, contractors and whatnot. A house wasn't built in one a day after all and definitely not without professionals.

"Aww, mom and dad want some time alone?" Erica cooed.

"Yes. Exactly," Stiles replied without even reprimanding Erica for the use of those ridiculous nicknames. Stiles tried to hate them – he really did – but he just couldn't. "Mom and dad want some time alone without you puppies interrupting. Am I making myself clear here? On Valentine's Day you are on your own. All of you."

It wouldn't be difficult for Lydia, Jackson, Danny, Allison and Boyd to follow through – they were dependable and considerate. It was the other three Stiles was worried about. Scott nodded enthusiastically and earnestly though, mirrored by Isaac and Erica eventually.

"But what if we get hurt?" Erica whined, mostly just for the sake of whining.

"You'll heal," Stiles deadpanned.

Erica stuck out her tongue in defiance and hey, she had a piercing. How had Stiles missed that before?

He shook his head to return back to the conversation.

"Seriously though. Just one evening, okay? I'm guessing some of you will be busy with other things anyway. So just one evening." It wasn't like he could stay over with Derek anyway because his dad still hadn't revoked that 'no sleepovers without supervision'-rule, so it was basically just a matter of how many hours Stiles would be able to squeeze in with Derek before he had to return home due to his curfew. Still, he'd take whatever he could get.

"Of course, Stiles. We'll leave you two alone," Lydia said it with such finality and conviction that Erica and Isaac glanced worriedly at each other.

Lydia would undoubtedly enforce it with a ruthlessness rivaling that of their alpha and that was a thing to fear – especially when she wore that expression of determination on her face. Stiles had the creepiest guardian angel in all of creation and he couldn't quite decide whether it was a curse or a blessing. But if she managed to make sure that he got a couple of hours alone with Derek then he would definitely lean towards blessing – at least until she did something else that tipped the scales in the other direction.

"Good. Thank you." He smiled gratefully.

Perhaps Valentine's Day wouldn't be so bad after all?

He should have known that he would jinx it, because that was just how Stiles' life worked.

Damnit.

 

 

Forwarding the information that Derek and Stiles was going to have some well-deserved time alone had actually been met with agreement and anticipation from Derek. He had almost seemed just as delighted as Stiles, in fact, if in a more respectable, alpha-like way. While both of them had kept themselves busy, Stiles with school and Derek with the plans for the new house, it was obvious that neither of them really liked having to cut down on their private time like this. So while one evening wasn't much both of them were definitely looking forward to it.

And of course that meant that all those well-intended plans went to hell.

It wasn't even the pack's fault, which was nice since they would probably have felt incredibly guilty if it had been, and nor was it Stiles' or Derek's. It was the goddamned omega's.

Stiles had always been vaguely prepared for the time when another omega would roll into town, either looking to wreck shit up or wanting to join their pack. As far as he had understood – during the lessons he had with Deaton and Ms. Morrell – it was actually quite common for a pack to grow in that way, just as often as it grew by the alpha giving the bite. Why turn someone when there were perfectly functional werewolves drifting around without a pack?

The problem was of course that no one really knew the drifter in question and it was impossible to know of ulterior motives until it was too late. You didn't just welcome anyone into your pack and Stiles had to admit that he had never pictured them doing so either. He liked the pack the way it was.

As such he didn't quite realize that the omega was a werewolf until she was right in front of him, and then only because of how Erica reacted to her.

Stiles and Erica was on their way home after school the day before Valentine's, Erica having dragged him with her when she wanted a milkshake and some pro-tips on what movies she, Boyd and Isaac should watch the coming night. The three betas had apparently decided to spend the evening together when they weren't allowed to bug Derek and Stiles.

Stiles was talking animatedly, completely wrapped up in explaining the elaborate plot of one of his favorite movies, when Erica suddenly shoved him against the wall and placed herself between him and a woman on the other side of the sidewalk. Stiles couldn't see Erica's face but he could feel her vibrate with a low, harsh growl. He prayed to God that she knew enough not to let her face transform because they were in the open and the people milling about definitely didn't need to see that.

"What do you want?" Erica's tone was hostile enough to clue Stiles in on what was going on. The woman was a werewolf – one they didn't know.

The woman stiffened, looking uncomfortable but also considerably shifty. Stiles wasn't sure what to feel about her because she looked nice enough – like most werewolves – with short red hair, decent clothes and vibrant, blue eyes, but experience had led them to be cautious with other werewolves.

Hence Erica's reflex to protect him, apparently.

Stiles felt a little insulted but he knew that all of the werewolves would have done the same. He was a human of the pack and frailer, simple as that. Give him a moment to prepare and he could kick all of their asses through smarts and the spells and charms he was learning from Deaton and Ms. Morrell, but he hadn't exactly been given time to see the threat approach this time. It therefore seemed wise to let Erica handle it.

"I want to see the alpha," the woman declared, voice a little brittle and Stiles couldn't determine if it was an act or actual frailty. If he was looking to sneak into a pack he would definitely play the weakness card, trying to earn some sympathy that way.

"He's not here," Erica grit out.

The woman licked her lips, glancing around.

"No, but I can smell him... on him." She nodded towards Stiles, which was apparently not allowed because Erica growled menacingly. "Is he his mate?"

That was a good question. Stiles had never really asked about that. If mate was just the werewolf term for boyfriend then sure, he was Derek's mate, but if there had to be deeper things involved – like werewolf bonds or whatnot – then he was pretty certain that he wasn't. Not that it really mattered either way. Neither he or Erica was going to reveal something like that to a complete stranger – they had learned their lesson about people using Stiles to get to Derek.

"The alpha isn't here," Erica repeated. She was still holding her milkshake but Stiles could see that her grip would soon tear through the cardboard cup.

The other werewolf seemed to hesitate before she nodded slowly.

"Fine. I'll find him some other way," she replied before inching backwards, away from the very defensive Erica. The omega was hopefully talking about a way that didn't involve coming after Stiles somehow.

Erica didn't relax until the other werewolf had disappeared around a corner up ahead, and even then she kept a sharp eye out while pushing Stiles towards his Jeep. She had apparently been thoroughly freaked out by the sudden appearance of another werewolf.

It wasn't until they were seated in the car that Erica allowed herself a deep breath and Stiles gave her a worried look.

"You really think it was that bad?" he asked carefully. "You seriously think that she would have hurt me just because I smell of Derek?"

Erica gave him a look, a serious, deadpan look that made Stiles' stomach twist.

"You think that it will matter to Derek?"

And there came the torrent of dread, spreading a chill through his body.

He cleared his throat.

"Uh... no, not really."

Derek would only see the fact that someone chose to approach Stiles instead of him and if Erica hadn't been there it would have been a situation where Stiles could have been in serious danger. The dog whistle resting against Stiles' chest was a comfortable, familiar weight but right then it was also rather terrifying. If Erica hadn't been there he would have been forced to consider using it and that was proof enough that Derek wouldn't like it. The omega could be a threat to Stiles' safety and they all knew how well that went last time. Derek would probably throw a fit.

"We're going to his loft," Stiles declared as he turned the key in the ignition. "Call him and let him know. Ask him to meet us there as soon as possible."

Erica nodded and did as asked while Stiles drove. He knew that the situation wasn't nearly as dire as when they had had an entire pack breathing down their necks but he didn't like this either. He didn't want anyone to disturb their status quo and he certainly didn't want any new pack members. He would come clean and admit that out loud if anyone asked.

But it would be Derek's decision in the end.

Stiles was pretty certain of how Derek would react though and he wasn't looking forward to it at all.

 

 

Derek threw a fit. A quiet, furious fit but it was definitely a fit. After Stiles and Erica had explained what had happened Derek was just short of pacing, his hands clenching and unclenching, as if he was just dying to strangle someone. Stiles saw it and acted accordingly, first and foremost by asking Erica to go back down to the car. It was rather mean but she obeyed without question, probably all for Stiles trying to calm their alpha down. He was the one who would be most successful after all.

Stiles stepped closer, letting his hands settle on Derek's hips while he sought his alpha's gaze.

"Hey. Look at me. Derek, look at me." It was pretty easy height wise since Stiles had grown to be about as tall as Derek by then, making them almost completely at level with each other. A smile spread on Stiles' lips when he finally caught Derek's eyes, red as they might be. "Hi. Will you take a couple of breaths for me?"

He let his hands slide upwards, along Derek's sides, and he could feel the rumble of power and curbed rage under his palms. Derek rolled his eyes but did as asked, slowly breathing in and out. Stiles was perhaps a bit too fascinated by the movement of Derek's ribcage when he did that. Or just Derek in general. Derek was glorious.

"There you go." Stiles pulled closer, leaning his forehead against Derek's. "It's okay, Derek. Nothing happened." Stiles hastened to continue since he knew that Derek would attempt to reply otherwise, "And that's what's important, alright? Nothing happened. What we need to focus on is the fact that we have an omega in Beacon Hills and she probably wants to ask to be included in our pack."

Derek closed his eyes and Stiles could tell that he had gone from breathing because Stiles' asked him to, to breathing because it gave him an opportunity to smell Stiles' scent. Derek did that sometimes when he got upset. Stiles let his thumbs rub against Derek's sides in soothing circles.

"Do you want it?"

Derek's question caught Stiles by surprise.

"Want what?"

Derek opened his eyes and pulled his head back enough to comfortably be able to meet Stiles' gaze.

"Do you want to accept her into the pack?"

It was perhaps mean of Stiles to decide before he knew the woman in question but he didn't want her or anyone else to join. At least not right now. They were still a relatively new, slightly unstable pack and Stiles had to admit that he hadn't exactly missed how pretty the omega was. And of a more appropriate age for Derek than he was. It was stupid – seriously stupid to feel threatened by a random omega – but he would be a liar if he denied that it affected how reluctant he was towards her.

He shook his head to answer Derek's question. He didn't want anyone else to join – not until they were surer of themselves. They couldn't risk anyone disrupting their balance.

"Then we won't," Derek said with finality. Stiles blinked.

"You sure? It's your decision, not mine."

Derek gave him a look that seemed to say that Stiles was being surprisingly thick, but since he didn't elaborate further Stiles let it be. He did get an insane urge to ask about that whole mate thing though but he knew that there would be better opportunities for that. So he filed it away for later instead. Handle the omega first.

"So you'll go talk to her?" Stiles asked, not quite privy to how things were handled in these kinds of situations.

Derek nodded before leaning in for a kiss, his hands rising to cradle Stiles' head. And if it felt just a tiny bit like Derek was handling a precious, priceless treasure, well, Stiles wasn't one to complain.

 

 

It turned out pretty quickly that the omega wasn't going to be nearly as cooperative as they would have liked. Not when Stiles stepped out through his front door the following morning – Valentine's Day, incidentally – and saw her lurking on the other side of the street.

She wasn't doing anything in particular but Stiles had to be a fool not to realize that she was definitely not there to make friends. He briefly considered going back inside the house because it was werewolf-proofed so that only the pack could enter, but he had school and had promised to pick Scott up on the way there. As long as he got to Scott's he would be fine. She wouldn't do anything when other werewolves were present, least of all Scott who was becoming stronger and more dependable for each day that passed.

So Stiles just swallowed and climbed into his Jeep, acting almost as if he hadn't even noticed her in the first place. His heartbeat might give him away but she was probably as confused by its stupid, uneven beats as the rest of his pack.

He was tense during the drive over to Scott's, subtly checking his mirrors just in case he could catch a glimpse of the omega, but she was either better at hiding than that or she had chosen not to follow.

The latter theory went up in smoke when Scott came bounding down the porch of his house, heading for Stiles' waiting Jeep, only to freeze and whip his head in a completely different direction, probably having smelled or spotted the omega. Who seemed to be following Stiles after all. Great.

"Come on, Scott! We'll be late!" Stiles shouted, making sure to sound at ease even if his gaze was telling Scott to just get in the damned car already.

Scott hesitated briefly before doing as told and Stiles had to hold up a hand to keep him from blurting out questions about the omega.

"At school, Scott."

Scott seemed inches from objecting but eventually nodded. Stiles took a deep breath and calmly drove them to school instead. He could tell the moment the omega must have stopped following because Scott relaxed a fraction, but they were already practically on school grounds by then.

Scott was wise enough to wait until they were inside the school, surrounded by noise and well out of the omega's reach before he actually asked what was going on.

"Stiles, why is an unknown werewolf following you around?"

Stiles took a deep breath while he pulled out a couple of books from his locker.

"It's an omega. Erica and I saw her yesterday when she came looking for Derek. We assumed that she wants to join the pack but if she's following me then..." Stiles trailed off as he slammed his locker shut with a clang. Scott gave him a worried look.

"What if she wants to take your place?"

Stiles banged his head against his locker door.

"I was trying not to consider that option, Scott. Thank you."

Scott looked apologetic but kept going, probably because things were beginning to take a turn towards worse and needed to be handled. Scott was always dependable.

"Have you told Derek?"

"Yeah, of course." Stiles straightened and ran a hand through his hair. "Or well, Erica and I told him yesterday and we decided that we don't want her to join, so Derek was supposed to talk to her. I assume that he hasn't had the time to find her yet and now, well... this doesn't change our decision but perhaps the urgency of letting her know that she's not welcome."

"I'd say that it does," Scott agreed, before he gave Stiles a lopsided smile. "And I guess this means that I shouldn't let you out of my sight either."

Stiles groaned but he knew that it was the wisest thing to do, just to be on the safe side. Besides, at school it wouldn't be that much of a stretch. It was after school that Stiles was worried about.

"But tonight was going to be the first evening I got to spend alone with Derek in like _weeks_ ," Stiles whined, not even caring that he sounded childish. Derek would have to be out looking for the damned omega, not spend it cuddling with Stiles.

"I know, Stiles." Scott patted him consolingly on his shoulder. "But making sure that some omega doesn't take you out in a cat fight over Derek's affections kinda takes priority."

"Oh God, I hate you," Stiles muttered while slapping Scott's arm. "But, for your information, you can just drop me off at home after school. The house is proofed against her anyway so you can still go and enjoy yourself with Allison – I know you must have some disgustingly adorable thing planned."

Scott frowned.

"Are you sure? Allison would understand."

Stiles wanted to hug him. He wanted to hug him so badly because a year ago Scott would never have put his priorities in that order and it made Stiles love him so incredibly much that he did so now. But this was one of the times when it was actually okay for Scott to put Allison first.

"I'm sure, Scott. The omega can't get inside so I'll just make sure to stay inside. She can't seriously think that she'll get away with any violence anyway – not if she doesn't want the entire pack to come for her – and it's just until Derek has gotten a chance to talk to her about it. So like an evening or two, tops."

The fact that it would ruin the specific evening Stiles had gotten guaranteed would just be him and Derek, well, perhaps they could reschedule. The circumstances would probably make the rest of the pack at least a little sympathetic. It would be a lie to say that he wasn't disappointed though.

"You better make sure to call Derek and tell him about her following you around," Scott urged.

Stiles nodded as he started pulling Scott towards class.

"I'll do it after first period," he promised.

 

 

Calling Derek to let him know that the omega was stalking Stiles had been an eventful endeavor. Partly because Derek had been busy and suggested that Stiles should call back later with whatever he wanted to talk about, which Stiles knew just wouldn't do, and had therefore blurted it out without much preamble or calming introductions. That had been a mistake.

Derek had taken the news as well as one could expect and Stiles wasn't there in his immediate presence to calm him down this time. The fact that Derek could hear for himself that Stiles was fine probably helped but Stiles was pretty certain that Derek would be at the school before next period had ended.

And, since he knew Derek quite well by then, he was of course absolutely right.

Not that Derek seemed particularly upset to anyone else – he had the same nonchalant, vaguely hostile expression on as always – but Stiles could tell. Stiles could always tell. If nothing else because of the way Derek grabbed a hold of Stiles and kissed him, deep, demanding and downright filthy, in the middle of a corridor at school no less.

That was pretty out of character no matter how you sliced it.

It made Stiles' toes curl and he was pretty certain that he gave an indecent moan sometime during the proceedings. He had almost forgotten the positively illegal things Derek could do with his teeth and tongue.

"Uh... wow..." was all Stiles could think of saying when he finally managed to get some air. His knees wouldn't quite support him but luckily enough for him Derek didn't seem to mind keeping him upright.

Stiles cleared his throat and noticed that yes, pretty much every single student within that corridor was staring at them. Most knew who Derek was by then – how old he was, that he technically shouldn't be there at their school and that Stiles was together with him – but this had never happened before. They had never been this obvious about it, not even at Lydia's Halloween party.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you too," Stiles croaked, before glancing around, meeting the gaze of a girl he was pretty sure he had chemistry with. She and her friends were staring, both in surprise and something close to envy because yeah, who didn't want a hot guy to kiss them the way Derek had just kissed Stiles?

Except perhaps lesbians, asexuals and straight men.

"He gets a little extra affectionate on special occasions," Stiles offered as some sort of lame explanation. A complete lie of course but that didn't really matter.

"I can see that," chemistry girl replied faintly – Veronica, right, that was her name – and Stiles patted Derek's chest.

"Alright, big guy. Perhaps-... uh... we should head someplace a little more private?" Stiles suggested and he barely waited for Derek's agreeing nod before he was pulling them towards a vacant classroom.

Stiles didn't have time to do more than close the door behind them before Derek pulled them flush against each other and kissed him again, just as breathtakingly intense as the first time. Stiles could barely keep up but made an admirable attempt to do so none the less. His head was spinning but it was so easy to just let go and revel in the feel, taste and smell of Derek for a couple of moments. Derek's hands were curved along the small of Stiles' back, pressing them impossibly closer together – as if he just couldn't get enough. The kiss was hungry and needy, clearly not suitable for a semi-public location like this, but Derek obviously didn't care. Derek seemed prepared to devour Stiles right then and there.

And Stiles couldn't exactly say that he didn't know where Derek was coming from. Especially not when Stiles felt Derek's fingers wander over his chest until they found the small lump that was the dog whistle hidden underneath Stiles' shirt, as if checking that it was still there.

Derek was afraid. Derek was terribly afraid and unlike any other person he couldn't just ask for reassurance and instead sought it in whatever way he could get it; like excessive physical contact.

Stiles allowed it for a minute or two before he firmly broke the kiss – partly for his own sake because Jesus fucking Christ Derek was gorgeous and intense and Stiles was just a horny teenage boy who wasn't allowed to have sex yet and Derek was really pushing that line right now – and instead wrapped his arms around his stupid, emotionally stunted alpha for a hug.

"I can't hear your heartbeat like you hear mine but I'm willing to bet that you need to calm down," Stiles mumbled as he held on, even if Derek seemed displeased by the turn of events.

Derek settled soon enough though, sliding his arms around Stiles and hugging back, wordlessly and firm. There was desperation there and Stiles let Derek have a couple of seconds to just breathe and relax. This was the first time since Jocelyn and the other pack that Stiles had even been in vague danger and he had always known that there would be some kind of overreaction from Derek when it happened. Because it was just typically Derek to bury it all until it just burst out of the ground like a Jack in the box.

Derek was by no means weak or emotional but he had a tendency to shoulder too much – take on too much blame – and this was no exception. Derek would always be reeling with guilt concerning his family's death, Stiles understood that much even if he didn't like it, and if an omega targeted Stiles because of Derek – no matter how unlikely it was that she might succeed – then Derek was going to feel bad about it. They had never really talked about how Jocelyn had been so set on Stiles just because Derek had shown how much he cared about him but this was a terrifying reminder.

"I'm not worried," Stiles whispered softly in Derek's ear. "I know that you can't quite tell if I'm lying or not but I'm not worried, Derek. She's just an omega with some really stupid ideas. Find her and talk to her as planned. Scott has promised to stay with me until I'm safely back at my house and after that she can't touch me."

Stiles ran his fingers through the hair at the back of Derek's neck.

"It'll be fine," Stiles promised with a soft smile.

It took a moment or two but eventually Derek gave a barely noticeable sigh.

"Fine." Derek sounded cranky enough to make Stiles laugh. He poked Derek's cheek and moved in for a quick kiss.

"Hey, don't think that I say that lightly, alright? I was supposed to get you all to myself tonight and that's not likely to happen now, is it?"

Derek finally offered a crooked little smile and Stiles wanted to applaud his own superpower of making that possible. He loved seeing Derek smile.

"Some other time then." It was definitely a promise.

"Yeah," Stiles replied in an exhale, "some other time." He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. "And unless I want to be late I have to head for class now, sooo..." Stiles trailed off, gesturing a little meaningfully towards the grip Derek had on his hips. He couldn't exactly go anywhere right now.

"Let me know when you get home."

Stiles smiled and leaned in for another kiss, allowing it to become just as deep as Derek seemed to crave, even if it meant that Stiles would have to think some very unattractive thoughts later on his way to class. It was worth it to feel Derek that close.

"Of course. And you let me know when you've sent the omega off." Stiles felt a little breathless – courtesy of all the mind blowing kisses he'd been given – but what really made his day was Derek's smile. He would never tire of seeing that.

 

 

Stiles' day actually turned out to be rather uneventful. He went to classes and even if Scott and the others hung around him a little closer than usual it was still pretty normal. Once school was over he drove home with Scott in the passenger seat. Scott even followed him to the door – which earned him a slap on the back of his head because Stiles wasn't that much of a damsel in distress – and then Stiles spent the rest of his night doing several indoorsy things.

It wasn't even anything out of the ordinary.

After texting Derek as promised he did parts of his homework, some random surfing, lazed in front of the TV and ate dinner with his dad. It was almost a little anticlimactic but he wasn't complaining, not really. He definitely preferred this over running around in the woods nearly getting killed every five minutes.

Stiles took the opportunity to spend some time with his dad now that both of them were home for the evening, even if it consisted mostly of watching TV together. It was still nice. Comfortable and uncomplicated. Stiles really liked uncomplicated by then.

It wasn't until his dad started yawning that Stiles realized that it was pretty late and therefore bid his dad goodnight. He hadn't missed the not so subtle glances his dad had been shooting him all night, since his dad of course knew that it was Valentine's Day and that it was common to spend time with your significant other that day. But Stiles hadn't. Stiles hadn't as much as mentioned Derek or looked particularly upset about being there with his dad instead.

Sure, he was a little disappointed because he wouldn't have minded some hours alone with Derek, but he was beyond feeling that Valentine's Day was some sort of sacred holiday or something. It would have been nice but he understood that getting rid of the omega took priority.

Still, his steps were heavy when he walked up the stairs, distantly hearing his dad turn off the TV and locking things up downstairs. Stiles took a detour to the bathroom to get ready for bed before he shuffled into his room. Only to freeze on the threshold.

Derek was lying on his bed.

Stupid, adorable and incredibly gorgeous Derek was lying on Stiles' bed – on top of the covers and fully dressed, sure – but Stiles still had no idea how to react to that.

Eventually Stiles realized that his dad could not, under any circumstances, be allowed to notice this and therefore hurried inside his room and shut the door. He slumped against it while Derek opened one softly glowing red eye, calmly observing Stiles from where he lay with his hands clasped behind his head like some frickin' fashion model. His leather jacket was thrown over Stiles' computer chair and it was all just so bizarre and utterly _perfect_ that Stiles wanted to pinch himself to see if he was dreaming.

"How long have you been here?" Stiles hissed before he hurried over to the bed, not knowing whether to be angry that Derek had sneaked in without letting him know about it or happy because he was there, in Stiles' room.

Stiles ended up landing somewhere in between.

"A while," was Derek's simple reply, offered together with a nonchalant shrug.

Stiles wanted to smack him but settled for seating himself next to him. His bed wasn't particularly wide though so he ended up sitting pretty close, his thigh pressed against Derek's side.

"Need I remind you that my dad will still shoot you if he finds you in here?"

Not that Derek did this often. Stiles could actually still count the times Derek had sneaked into his room on one hand, even if he included that time way, way back when Derek was a murder suspect. Derek usually behaved, in other words, especially considering how long they had been together.

"The omega is gone," Derek said instead, completely ignoring what Stiles was trying to say – as per usual. Stiles frowned.

"Please don't tell me that you killed her." That phrasing had been vaguely unsettling.

"Fine. I didn't kill her," Derek replied in a monotone.

"Derek!" Stiles gave Derek a reprimanding slap on his chest and if he found that his hand lingered on that spot afterwards, well, who could blame him? Derek's chest was distracting.

Derek rolled his eyes but seemed amused.

"No, I didn't kill her. But I might have resorted to mild violence."

"'Mild' in this case being physically throwing her across the town border?" Stiles asked with a dubiously raised eyebrow. Derek only shrugged, but he looked stupidly pleased with himself in a rather adorable way. Stiles found that his fingers had started to trace random patterns on Derek's chest.

"You really shouldn't be here though," Stiles mumbled, eyes focused on what his hand was doing. It took him a moment to realize that he was actually outlining the triskele over and over again.

Derek didn't reply and after a couple of seconds Stiles looked up, meeting Derek's gaze. His alpha looked contemplative if anything but even that was partly hidden behind his usual poker face.

"I'm not going to do anything," Derek said after a moment.

Stiles' smile was a little lopsided.

"I know."

Because he did. He had no doubt in his mind that Derek would stick to his promise not to do anything perverted with Stiles until he was eighteen. But that was kinda the problem too. It was easy to avoid sex when you weren't put in situations where it would be practical to engage in it, but when they were alone in Stiles' room after having spent a day sharing several searing kisses that just made Stiles want more? That was torture.

Still, he wasn't going to talk about that. Not when he knew the reason why Derek didn't want to have sex – not when he knew about Kate. Stiles was never, ever going to pressure Derek into anything or start whining about something as silly as not getting laid while he was still underage.

"The omega asked if I was your mate," Stiles said instead, opting to change the subject entirely.

He could feel Derek freeze for a brief moment – probably caught off guard by Stiles' blunt words – but he relaxed eventually. He didn't reply though so Stiles kept going.

"Neither Erica or I replied of course because it was none of her business but... really, Derek. Am I? Am I your mate or do I have to be a werewolf for that to work?"

Derek looked a little uncomfortable – as always when matters of emotions and the heart was being discussed – and he couldn't quite meet Stiles' eyes apparently.

"It depends..." Derek was obviously stalling.

Stiles rolled his eyes and pressed his palm against Derek's chest.

"Depends on what? If I want to? If you want me to? I don't even know what the term really means."

Derek was looking at something else entirely when he replied.

"It's pretty simple. It's not about fate or anything, just finding someone that can keep you balanced and focused. Someone that challenges you, pushes you to improve while still offering security and stability. Someone... good for you."

Stiles felt his smile grow the longer Derek talked. Stiles didn't want to brag but seriously – that was obviously what he was to Derek, right? He leaned closer, until Derek couldn't help looking at him.

"Do you need a formal application or something? A letter of recommendation? Any questionnaires I have to fill out?"

Derek scoffed, moving one hand to let it rest against Stiles' neck.

"No, you idiot. It just... is."

Stiles couldn't help grinning, leaning down for a quick peck.

"Good. Then I guess that I just... am," he replied teasingly.

Derek rolled his eyes before he resolutely manhandled Stiles until they were lying together on the bed. It was still a pretty narrow bed though so there wasn't much space between them. Or any at all, really. Stiles' head was pillowed on Derek's shoulder and he wrapped one of his arms around Derek's middle, just because it was more comfortable that way.

Mate. He kind of liked the sound of that. Yeah, he could definitely get used to it.

"Sleepovers without supervision are still against the rules," Stiles mumbled but considering how he was nuzzling against Derek's neck he didn't really have any right to talk.

"Your dad is in the house."

"Yeah, don't remind me," Stiles muttered. "And I'm pretty sure that doesn't quite count. He's not _aware_ of you being here so he doesn't even know that he's supervising."

Derek's fingers found their way into Stiles' hair.

"That was never a condition, as far as I remember."

Stiles blinked. Well damn. Derek was right. It was a stupid and frankly petty loophole but his dad had never outright said anything about it but them not being allowed to have sleepovers unless other people were present. And Stiles' dad technically was. Sort of.

"Oh my sneaky, glorious alpha. I should kick you out for that – I really should."

"But you won't," Derek finished, his voice a low, pleased growl. Stiles almost wanted to laugh at how adorable Derek was when his ego was stroked.

Instead he just snuggled as close as he could possibly get. If Derek intended to stay then Stiles was definitely going to take advantage of that. He hadn't gotten his evening with Derek and even if this was grazing the edge of breaking the rules he just couldn't help wanting it. He was pretty certain that it was just one night anyway because Derek was incredibly stubborn and this was an exception only because of the omega – the fact that it was Valentine's Day didn't even matter.

If Derek wanted reassurance then Stiles would give him that. Not to mention that it wasn't exactly a bad thing to be lying there, pressed up against Derek and his ridiculous muscles. Stiles was all for it.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Stiles was honestly tired with it being a school night after all and there was something strangely hypnotic about hearing Derek breathe next to him and feeling the rise and sink of his chest. It lulled Stiles into a drowsy kind of half-sleep where everything felt perfect. Derek was warm under his palms and it was just so _cozy_.

He barely even stirred when Derek shifted, turning to lie on his side rather than his back, until they were facing each other, with Stiles tucked under Derek's chin and their legs tangled together. Stiles felt completely and utterly relaxed – so at ease and safe that he hadn't even known what he had been missing out on until he had it. This, he was pretty sure, had to be what heaven felt like.

"I love you."

It was just a soft mumble, so low that Stiles almost missed it. But only almost.

Stiles eyes snapped open but he didn't see much besides Derek's collarbones. He could feel Derek stiffen. Whether Derek had intended to say it or not didn't seem to matter because the alpha was obviously freaking out over it all the same. Stiles took a deep breath before he let his hand run along Derek's side, aiming for soothing but not quite sure if he would manage. It all depended on how much Derek was panicking.

"I love you too," he whispered back, placing a quick kiss on Derek's chest, even if it was on top of his shirt. He continued to stroke along Derek's side, knowing that touch usually calmed him; at least when it was Stiles doing the touching.

Little by little he could feel Derek relax and once he finally seemed at ease again – probably when he realized that no one was going to harm him for having admitted to caring and loving another being – Derek settled in more comfortably, cradling Stiles close.

Stiles closed his eyes again and breathed in slowly, reveling in Derek's closeness, his smell and the fact that he'd just told Stiles that he loved him. During any other circumstances Stiles would have been flailing and spluttering – from joy and sheer happiness of course – but now he just couldn't find the energy. He was too darn pleased already. Which was perhaps for the better since it would keep Derek from freaking out further.

Stiles smiled softly and hummed contently.

"I really, really love you," he mumbled, probably half asleep already.

Derek seemed to find this amusing if his little chuckle was anything to go by.

"Sleep, Stiles."

"Mmfh-... you sleep," Stiles muttered childishly, clearly having reverted back to a five year old.

Derek didn't reply but instead started combing through Stiles' hair in a devious plan to make him even sleepier. It worked; Stiles was boneless in a matter of seconds, but still not quite asleep.

"You know... this Valentine's Day wasn't so bad after all," he mused, almost more to himself than Derek. "At least not the ending..."

"Not bad at all," Derek agreed, sounding a little drowsy himself.

Stiles had planned to give an answer of some sort but he just couldn't think of anything worth wile. Not when he was so darn pleased as it was.

Before he knew it he had fallen asleep, Derek a firm, reassuring weight beside him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer one this time - although the longest is still to come ;)
> 
> I had fun writing this one, exploring what it would be like when another threat arrived (no matter how small). Soooo yeah, it might not have much to do with Valentine's Day but don't tell me that you thought that I would write about flowers and chocolate and red hearts xD Seriously.
> 
> I still managed to hit [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) right in the feels with Derek's love declaration. Because that's how I roll.  
> ALSO FLUFF!


	7. The First Time

 

* * *

 

To say that Stiles was looking forward to his eighteenth birthday was an understatement. He was yearning for his eighteenth birthday with such a passion that he was just short of marking the increasingly few days with big red X:es in the calendar. He would be eighteen soon. Really soon. And boy did he want it to happen.

It wasn't just because he would get to have sex with Derek but because it would be a milestone in other areas as well. Finishing high school, moving on to college – all of that was important too. And Stiles was doing it. But he could admit that the Derek thing might be the one on his mind most frequently. Like, always.

Scott found it all hilarious if the wide grins were anything to go by, while Lydia kept giving him pleased, calculating smiles which made Stiles pretty certain about what he would be getting from her on his birthday. He couldn't even find it within himself to care that the girl he had formerly thought was the love of his life might be considering buying him supplies to have gay sex for his birthday. Stiles could totally handle that as long as he actually got to the sexy bit.

It had gotten harder and harder to hold back all the impulses – pun intended. On an everyday basis it was fine but whenever Stiles and Derek was alone things seemed to get heated. Perhaps it was Stiles' subconsciously counting down or perhaps it was because they were so in synch and comfortable with each other by then that it felt natural to want to take things further. Stiles was definitely ready. It was just that small matter of him not being legal that held them back and while it was difficult – every time he or Derek had to pull back and take deep, calming breaths was chipping away at his patience – he knew that it was important to both his dad and Derek. So Stiles obeyed the rules.

But soon there would be no need for rules. Stiles would turn eighteen and it would be perfectly legal. Stiles was so looking forward to his birthday. He might even have declared to his dad that he was going to go over to Derek's that evening but yes, he promised to return before curfew. That still left hours for sexy stuff to happen.

Had Stiles been less self-centered he might have noticed the terrified look on his dad's face; the one that clearly stated that he had just realized that his son was stamping in his v-card and there was nothing he could do about it – not even with his powers as the sheriff.

Well, so Stiles had _thought_ but he should have known that his dad wasn't beyond putting wrenches into everything. At least he chose the option that didn't involve locking Derek up at the station for some kind of stupid offense like littering.

No, what Stiles' dad did was to _kidnap_ his own son. Without mercy.

Stiles just came home one day to find two bags by the door – one he recognized as his own – before his dad ushered him out to the waiting car, yammering on about some sort of vacation for them both. Two days away from Stiles' birthday. When Stiles had stuttered out a confused question as to how long the vacation would be his dad had answered evasively but eventually settled on 'a couple of days'.

Which would undoubtedly span beyond Stiles' birthday. That was just cruel.

Despite Stiles' protests about friends and responsibilities and child abuse his dad hadn't budged an inch and that was how Stiles found himself in a cabin in the middle of the woods with no WiFi, spotty cell reception and no other living being within a five mile radius besides rabbits, deer and mountain lions. It was _torture_.

And a bit too close to the beginning of a horror movie for Stiles' liking.

Stiles wasn't going to talk to his dad for _days_ , if it so meant that they would spend their entire 'vacation' in silence.

It wasn't just that his dad had pulled him away from his friends and boyfriend during what should be one awesome birthday but because the sole reason he did it was because he feared Stiles growing up. Stiles wasn't fooled by it having anything to do with Derek at that point. Derek and his dad got along just fine, if in a very manly, non-speaking sort of way. They understood each other and often resorted to hums and basic physical gestures rather than actual words – a bit like watching two cavemen interact – but at least they were okay in each other's presence. Perhaps even liked each other a little. So that definitely wasn't the issue.

Either way Stiles was pissed. Very pissed. He barely managed to call Scott and explain what the hell was going on and why he had disappeared so suddenly. Scott had been sympathetic and given exactly the kind of support Stiles wanted. Not that it made any difference in the big scheme of things but it felt good to hear Scott confirm that yes, Stiles' dad was inhumanly cruel.

The call to Derek took a rather strange turn however.

Stiles had worked up some steam by then and poured out his woes in a rapid flow of words and flails that Derek wouldn't be able to see but could probably imagine just based on the tone of Stiles' voice. He was so caught up in his ranting that he barely noticed Derek's reply and the obvious lack of rage or even mild disgruntlement in it.

"Okay. Have fun and be careful."

Stiles blanched completely.

"Fun? _Fun_? Derek, there is no Internet connection here! I can barely make a call! There are no curly fries or peanut butter cups or birthday cakes or-... or you!" Stiles had began to pace back and forth even if he knew that he might lose the call if he went too far off the miniscule spot he had found with actual cell reception.

"Stiles, it's only for a couple of days." Derek was far too calm about this.

"But my birthday is the day after tomorrow!" Stiles whined pathetically while waving off some sort of bug he really didn't want to look closer at. "And there are bugs here. Did I mention the bugs? Huge as rats. I can't believe that people would willingly put themselves through this."

Stiles gritted his teeth when he heard something that sounded unmistakably like Derek trying to hold back a laugh.

"I swear to God, Derek, if you are laughing right now I will end you."

"That's a pretty lame threat," Derek informed him and the bastard was definitely laughing now, although quietly. Stiles tried to hold on to his anger but it was difficult. Derek always made him want to smile.

"Well, I'm still serious about it. This is hell!" Stiles complained. "It's my birthday, Derek. My _eighteenth_ birthday. I don't want to be stuck in a cabin in the middle of the woods on my eighteenth birthday!" Stiles tilted his head to the side. "On second thought, make that not stuck in a cabin in the middle of the woods unless you're the one there with me, not my dad. That scenario I could get behind."

Derek fell silent. Very silent. Stiles couldn't help frowning softly.

"Derek?" Stiles felt his worry begin to stir. Was it something he said?

Derek cleared his throat, which was proof enough that yes, something Stiles had said made the alpha uncomfortable. Or at least speechless enough to make him falter.

"It's just a couple of days. You'll be back before you know it," Derek said patiently but there was a strange little hint to his voice. And not a good one. Stiles couldn't understand why but it made him anxious all the same.

"Is everything okay?" he blurted out before he managed to stop himself.

"Yes, Stiles, everything is fine. You just have a nice time with your dad out in the woods." The smile seemed to be back in Derek's voice but Stiles wasn't convinced. Not really. But he could play along for now. It was always a little risky to make assumptions based on a phone call with Derek anyway. Stiles preferred when he could read his expressions and body language as well.

"If he doesn't return you won't let them catch me for patricide though, will you?"

Derek chuckled.

"I'm not quite sure how you expect me to be able to help you out of that."

"Right. You couldn't do it when you were the one accused of murder – and you weren't even guilty." Stiles was lucky that Derek had gotten used to his sharp sense of humor after so many months together, otherwise that would have sounded really offensive.

"Exactly. So just don't. I'm sure he has a reason for bringing you to the woods."

"Oh, I know that he does," Stiles muttered sullenly.

"Then ask him about it," Derek suggested.

"Wait, hang on. Did you – Derek Hale – just give me the advice to _talk_ to someone? This is a historical day! I am so proud of you, babe."

Stiles could almost hear Derek's shudder, even over the phone. Stiles cackled gleefully.

"Don't call me babe again. Ever." Derek's tone was threatening but Stiles could hear the underlying twitches of amusement.

"No, but seriously. Why would I want to talk to him about it? He deserves to be ignored for about two months for what he did."

"Stiles, you're being unfair." Which was pretty rich coming from Derek but Stiles chose not to point that out right now. "Your dad is a reasonable if a little too overprotective man. At least let him explain why he did it before you start ignoring him. Hear his reasons."

Stiles pursed his lips, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

"I'll think about it. I obviously have a couple of days at my disposal." Stiles glared towards the cabin where he knew that his dad was waiting. "He even hid the car keys."

"Smart man."

"What was that?" Stiles snapped, voice sharp.

"Nothing." Derek needed to learn to sound innocent but Stiles let it drop. For now.

Stiles took a deep breath and rubbed a hand over his face. He wasn't happy about it but it seemed like he would just have to accept the situation for what it was. He could always have sex with Derek when he got back, but he had been so focused on his birthday – that they would finally get to do it – that he felt pretty disappointed. And cheated. They had waited months for this, literally months where they had forced themselves not to go too far, to keep their touches decent and kisses light.

Stiles wanted it, so bad, and just when he thought that he would get it his dad made sure that it was postponed.

"Anyway, I should probably get back inside before my dad comes out to get me," Stiles said morosely. "I'll miss you."

He and Derek had never been this physically far away from each other since they got together. Stiles was actually a little surprised that Derek wasn't more upset about it, considering how protective he could be, but both of them had admittedly been able to let go of that a little over the past months. They felt safer and more at ease than before, which was a nice change.

Yeah, it was definitely nice that Derek didn't feel a need to freak out just because Stiles wasn't close to Beacon Hills anymore.

"I'll miss you too."

A stupid, dorky smile spread on Stiles' lips. He loved it whenever Derek offered those small signs of affection. They didn't have to big or frequent as long as they were sincere – and this one was.

"Texting probably works better than calls so I'll be doing some of that," Stiles informed, knowing that he wouldn't be able to keep himself from it. He was going to be almost completely isolated, both from the pack and civilization as a whole. It was going to be hell.

"I'll keep my phone on hand then."

Derek usually did anyway, at least since he and Stiles got together, but it was nice to have the confirmation.

It would be tough but Stiles was pretty certain that he could survive this. Probably. He was still going to shun his dad for at least a day but considering how small the cabin was he had no idea whether he would be able to keep it up longer than that. He would make a valiant effort none the less.

He was going to show his dad that he was not okay with being taken from his friends and Derek at such a crucial moment in his life.

His dad was going to pay.

 

 

Ignoring his dad went well for the first day and a half. Stiles spent his time reading a book his dad had been kind enough to pack or playing silly games on his phone. But after that it got tricky, mostly because that half day was Stiles' birthday and his dad wouldn't leave him alone. Stiles had apparently been wrong since there was cake, albeit a small one, but he was pretty darn cranky over only having his dad to share it with. He actually had a pack he wanted to celebrate his birthday with too – not just Derek – but his dad had effectively ruined that. The bastard.

Stiles postponed the inevitable talk for as long as possible but really, he knew that it would come to a head eventually and that it would be spectacular. Stiles frustration was obvious, boiling just under the surface, but it was pretty evenly matched by his dad's apprehension about the whole virginity thing. So when they finally clashed it was bound to be dramatic.

Stiles was absolutely right.

It was late on Stiles' birthday, not long after Stiles had started considering going to bed, when his dad finally addressed the pink elephant in the room.

"Stiles, I know that you're mad about this but you have to understand that I'm just worried."

Stiles didn't lift his eyes from his phone, sprawled gracelessly in the creaky armchair which together with a lumpy couch was the only form of relatively comfortable furniture in the damned cabin. Even Stiles' bed was a nightmare.

"And what, pray tell, do you have to be worried about, Dad?" Stiles replied stiffly.

His dad sighed.

"You know what, Stiles."

Stiles pursed his lips and did some angry swipes on the screen to shut the game off before he looked up at his dad, frown in place.

"No, actually I don't," he snapped. "I'm eighteen now, whether you like it or not and this is just stupid. What do you think that this will accomplish? I might have missed my birthday but what about when we get back? You going to lock me up or something? Oh, wait! That's illegal! You can't." Stiles voice was laced with venom.

His dad crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against the narrow counter which served as some sort of excuse for a kitchen. Not only was the cabin in the middle of the woods but it was tiny too. With just four cramped rooms – one bathroom, two bedrooms and a large one serving as living room and kitchen. And the furnishing was horrible.

"Stiles, if you're going to keep reminding me that you're eighteen now then you could at least act as mature as you pretend to be," his dad pointed out and yeah, Stiles had to give him that. He wasn't wrong.

So Stiles shoved his phone into his pocket before getting to his feet.

"Fine. Let's discuss this as civilized, rational adults." Stiles ignored the amused little quirk of his dad's eyebrow. "What really is you issue with all of this, Dad? It's not Derek because I know that even you know him well enough by now to realize that he's not trying to hurt me. He seriously wouldn't have waited this long only to turn around to do that _now_. He had ample opportunity before this and he's not going to flip just because we're legally allowed to have sex."

Stiles tried to ignore that a small blush was creeping up on his cheeks because the mere mention of the word sex in front of his dad was still fucking embarrassing. But he was handling it like an adult and kept his expression serious and calm.

"I'm just not sure if you know what you're getting yourself into," his dad answered and Stiles couldn't help his indignant snort.

"What? It's not like either of us can get pregnant!" he exclaimed, spreading his arms wide, but a twinge of hesitation made him frown. "I think at least."

"What do you mean 'I think'?" That was dread alright. His dad looked positively terrified.

"Well, werewolves are a little odd and Derek is odd for being a werewolf and I mean, it would be just like him to defy the laws of nature like that and get himself-"

"Please, Stiles, don't say it. I really don't need to hear you say that out loud," his dad said – no, begged.

Stiles raised an eyebrow before he shrugged.

"Okay, I won't."

"Thank you."

Stiles cleared his throat and really, his dad shouldn't be so damn trusting – not when he had earned Stiles' wrath by kidnapping him to a stupid cabin in the middle of the woods when Stiles could be having sex with his boyfriend for the first time. The war had only just begun.

"I'm pretty sure that Derek can't get pregnant anyway and I know for a fact that I can't," Stiles declared with a pleasant little smile.

His dad's groan was priceless and so worth the entire stupid conversation.

"Oh dear God, please kill me now."

"What? You _asked_!" Stiles defended, gesturing amicably to display his innocence. His dad wasn't buying it but he seemed far too busy trying to erase the images Stiles had just planted inside his head to actually scold Stiles for the things he was saying.

"No. No, Stiles, I did in fact not ask whether either of you two could get pregnant. I did definitely not ask about that." His dad was giving him a betrayed and vaguely nauseated look. Served him right.

"Well, now you know." Stiles shrugged again.

His dad sighed and rubbed his temple, a suffering look making its way across his face.

"Yes, sadly enough I do. And I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same again."

"Drama queen," Stiles sniped.

"Justifiably horrified," his dad countered without missing a beat. His stern face was back and Stiles rolled his eyes in response. It wasn't his fault it his dad was leading the conversation into strange directions.

When the silence lingered Stiles realized that his dad was waiting for him to break it so Stiles sighed before placing his hands on his hips.

"Okay. Fine. Adults." He wet his lips and met his father's gaze. "Derek and I have been together for a long time. Can we both agree on that?"

His dad nodded while crossing his arms over his chest again, showing quite clearly that he was going to be difficult no matter how Stiles tried to play this. Well, Stiles could definitely accept that challenge. If he could negotiate with hostile hunters he could damn well talk to his own dad.

"Good. Derek and I have been together and committed to only each other for months. That is more than you could ask out of many teenagers these days and you know that." Stiles made sure to keep his voice even. He might have wanted to gesture and flail and raise his voice to show how ludicrous he thought this was but he knew that his dad would take that as a small win in his favor. If his dad wanted serious then Stiles would do serious. "We've already been together longer than most people my age would even consider and they would have started having sex ages ago. Scott and Allison waited a couple of weeks, sure, but it's nowhere near Derek and me."

Stiles wasn't sure if that was a good argument but he was going to use it either way. His dad needed to know that Stiles had already behaved so much better than other teenagers he went to school with. Stiles was dependable. He wasn't rushing into this.

"So how long do you want us to wait, really? I'm legal now. Derek is legal. It's all legal. So what are you worried about? You know that we're committed, you know that we're serious – it's not just an impulse. We really do care about each other." Stiles noticed that his voice took on a pleading edge but he couldn't help it. "What more could you ask for, dad? Because I just don't know what it might be."

His dad took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment.

"It's more than that, Stiles. You're right, on all accounts, but I'm still... I just..."

"Is it because Derek's a guy? Would you have been more lenient if I was together with a girl?" Stiles sounded mildly accusing but his dad just shook his head.

"I don't-... I honestly don't know to tell the truth. I haven't even thought about that. I've been so focused on this situation and haven't exactly bothered to consider different scenarios."

Stiles could give his dad points for being honest at least.

"Okay, fine. Then what is it?" Stiles pushed back his embarrassment. "Because I'm ready, okay? Derek makes me so incredibly happy and how long will I have to wait before I can show that? What are we doing wrong, to make you so against it?"

"Stiles..." His dad sounded sad all of a sudden. "I'm not against it. Fine, I can admit that I'm... not thrilled but I know that it's a part of you growing up and I have to accept that. I just didn't want you to be so fixated on it."

Stiles frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He wasn't quite following.

"Your birthday, Stiles. You were so focused on your birthday that you didn't see anything else."

Stiles felt a sliver of dread lodge in his chest. That could only mean one thing.

"What did I miss?"

His dad wouldn't point something like that out unless Stiles had been unable to catch up on something pretty important.

His dad's slight hesitation was proof enough that he was right. Stiles held back his urge to squeeze it out of his dad with force if so necessary and waited for his reply. In the end his dad just sighed before shrugging, as if to say that he couldn't think of a good way to say it.

"Are you sure that Derek is ready?"

Stiles' shock was tangible.

"You say that you're ready and yeah, I can agree that you probably are, but what about Derek?"

Stiles was so confused. He could admit that he hadn't even thought about that, which made him feel horrible the instant he realized he hadn't for a second stopped to consider Derek's thoughts on the matter. Sure, they had always agreed to wait until Stiles was eighteen before having sex and had had very healthy make out sessions leading up to it but it was still a big step to make. And Stiles had been walking around building up the expectations – and consequently the pressure – of getting down to business the moment he was legal without even stopping to ask if it was actually okay.

Wow. He was such an asshole.

But his dad had apparently noticed. Did that mean that his dad had kidnapped Stiles because he was worried about Derek's wellbeing? While that was actually pretty awesome and considerate it made Stiles feel quite off kilter.

"Uh... what?" It was the only thing he could think of saying.

"The closer we got to your birthday the tenser he got. He didn't say anything but he seemed pretty uncomfortable." His dad seemed to relax a little. "It took me a while to figure out but he seemed freaked out rather than expectant."

Stiles swallowed and sank back down into the armchair. He should have thought of that. He knew of Derek's reasons for postponing having sex and age was still just a number. Stiles' birthday was still just a date, like any other. That didn't guarantee that Derek's _feelings_ changed. If Stiles seemed too young to Derek there would still be a huge mess if they had sex with each other.

For some insane reason Stiles wanted to cry but settled for pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. Talk about fuck up. He had no doubt in his mind that Derek was interested in him – there had been obvious physical proof at times when they backed off too late – but he had so much baggage that Stiles should have known better. He shouldn't have been so damn selfish. He only saw his own joy of finally getting to do something he had yearned for and heard about for years. Stiles had just been so happy that he hadn't realized that Derek might not share his enthusiasm.

But that explained their conversation. Why Derek wasn't upset by Stiles getting kidnapped – he was probably even a little relieved because it removed the pressure of them having sex on Stiles' birthday.

How fucked up wasn't that? Stiles had pushed so hard that his own boyfriend didn't mind that they didn't get to spend time together and that their first time having sex was postponed. Weren't you supposed to look forward to things like that?

"Hey, hey. Stiles..."

He looked up when he felt his dad's hand land on his shoulder, barely having been aware of how he had leaned forward, until he was practically resting his forehead against his knees. Stiles cleared his throat.

"Yeah?" His voice still cracked and his dad winced in sympathy.

"Don't beat yourself up. My main reason for this was still because I was freaking out over the whole thing."

Stiles chuckled but without much humor.

"That doesn't change the fact that I pushed Derek into a corner and he felt that he couldn't tell me about it – ask me to wait. What does that say about me, really?"

His dad smiled weakly.

"I think it says more about him than it does about you." He crouched next to the armchair, his hand still on Stiles' shoulder. "What you need to remember is that nothing happened, okay? No mistakes were made. You're eighteen and when you get back, well, just wait and see. Perhaps it will just take days but it might also take weeks – or even months." His dad made a grimace. "Personally I'm hoping for that last one."

Stiles' laugh was honest this time, bubbling out of him without him even trying.

"Point is, Stiles, that now that you know you can allow it to take all the time both of you need. Don't rush. Turning eighteen isn't as life-changing as you might think and you'll realize, when you get older, that the numbers really don't matter. They did in this case because of laws but even with that out of the way you still need to make sure that you're both okay with it."

Stiles swallowed and nodded. He couldn't believe that his dad would be the voice of reason in all of this. After having let out a slow breath Stiles pulled him in for a hug.

"Thank you."

"Always, Stiles." There as a short silence. "But please don't make me do that ever again."

Stiles laughed and squeezed tighter.

"Nah, I think once is enough."

"And thank God for that." His dad pulled back, ruffling Stiles' hair fondly. "You'll do fine – both of you. But I will remind you that you still have curfews to consider. And there will be no sex under my roof. Not even if you happen to be eighteen."

"But at Derek's?" Stiles dared to sound hopeful.

"I can't exactly forbid you to do that, can I?" It seemed to pain his dad to admit it. "Just... be careful. And use, you know-"

"Yeah. Yeah, totally," Stiles hurried to interrupt. Those were details he really didn't want to get into with his dad. He might just have to commit ritual suicide if he did. His dad seemed quite relieved not having to say it out loud either.

His dad released a huge sigh as he straightened, almost as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"I don't know about you but I could go for some more cake," his dad said with a crooked smile, offering what little peace offerings he could. Probably also because birthdays were one of the few exceptions to his dad's healthy food regiment and not a single piece of that cake was going to go to waste if his dad had anything to say about it. Stiles grinned and got up from the armchair.

"Sure, I can definitely eat more cake."

His dad patted him on his shoulder and yeah, there were probably still a lot of bumps on the road ahead but this had been handled. And instead of being angry Stiles was actually pretty grateful for his dad's intervention. Or, well, _grateful_ might be a stretch. But at least he could stop planning how to get away with patricide. That was always something.

 

 

Coming back to Beacon Hills was pretty uneventful, mostly because Stiles made sure that it was. While he had left kicking and screaming – figuratively at least – he was much calmer when they returned. He was still fairly upset with his dad because Stiles had missed out on a birthday he should have spent with his pack but he was grateful for how it saved him and Derek some serious agony.

The more Stiles thought about it the more he realized that his dad had been right. Derek _had_ been strangely distant and troubled the closer they had gotten to Stiles' birthday. They might actually not be ready to have sex yet. Or it could just have been the pressure and expectations but either way, waiting for a couple of days more – perhaps even weeks – would hopefully clear those doubts.

Stiles made sure to let the pack know that he was back, not the least bit surprised that it didn't take more than half an hour before some of them they dropped by, just to get the opportunity to flop onto his bed and spend the rest of the evening annoying him.

It was good to be home.

Seeing Derek again was slightly awkward. The pack agreed to meet up for a late celebration of Stiles' birthday now that he was back so there were other people around, which seemed to make Derek both more relaxed and more tense at the same time – if that was even possible. But this was Derek so yeah, it probably was.

Stiles hated seeing that flash of dread, small as it might be, in Derek's eyes and decided to just act natural. Pretend as if he wasn't eighteen now and having sex was a-okay and still pretty darn high on his list of things he wanted to do.

It was for Derek. He could easily do that for Derek.

So while a part of Stiles wanted to shoo the rest of the pack away to get some serious alone time with Derek all he did was walk up to his alpha, smile and give Derek a brief yet heartfelt kiss. Derek stiffened for a second, clearly confused – almost skittish, if a werewolf alpha could be described as such – but Stiles just kept on smiling in what he hoped was a reassuring fashion. He found Derek's hand and gave it a quick squeeze, trying to convey with just his actions that things were fine. He wasn't going to demand that there be sex the moment they were alone.

Stiles wasn't sure if he was entirely successful but Derek relaxed to the extent that they could carry on with their improvised party and that was a start. As always he and Derek was in each other's personal space the entire time – Stiles wouldn't be able to change that even if he wanted to – and the longer they remained so the more at ease Derek seemed to become. Their simple, compulsory touches were as soft and instinctive as usual and Stiles decided that if that was all he would get for months to come he was still pretty damn lucky.

Yeah, he could do this.

Which was why he left with the rest of the pack once they were done, lingering only to give Derek a deep, intense kiss to show how much he had missed him. Derek seemed a little bewildered when Stiles just said goodnight and tumbled out of the loft with the rest of the pack, but Stiles was pretty certain that he hadn't imagined the relieved little slump of Derek's shoulders. God, if Stiles didn't feel so guilty he might have felt relieved too. He could have fucked this up so bad without even meaning to.

They never actually talked about it. They both knew of the change of course since Stiles had miraculously gone from thinking about nothing but sex to forcibly withholding any outer sign that he was thinking about nothing but sex – which worked as well as one could expect but at least he gave it his best.

Derek had to notice that something had made Stiles back off because he never once brought up the fact that he was eighteen now, while that had been everything he talked about before his dad kidnapped him to that cabin. But they never discussed it. There was just an unspoken agreement that they both knew that it was legal for sex to happen but it wasn't going to unless they both felt comfortable. And Stiles wasn't going to push it on them.

It wasn't like they weren't getting other things out of their relationship.

Stiles managed to renegotiate the rules now that he was eighteen and sleepovers without supervision during weekends were allowed. He wasn't getting out of behaving on school nights but Stiles could deal with that.

The first night he slept over at Derek's with just the two of them was fucking awesome, even if there had been no sexy times to speak of and figuring out the logistics of it all proved to be a bit of an adventure. They had technically slept wrapped up in each other's arms before but that had been under entirely different circumstances, like exhausted adrenaline crash and sneaky cuddling. Neither of them had really had any preferences to speak of those times except sleep in general. But this was regular sleeping and it was actually a lot trickier than couples made it seem like.

Derek was a bit of a light sleeper to name one, which didn't mesh all that well with Stiles' habit of tossing and turning. Stiles usually ended up in some of the most outrageous and creative poses imaginable for a human body while he slept – some of them close to physically impossible – and it seemed that the only remedy for that was for Derek to pull Stiles close and bundle him up in his arms. Not that Stiles complained about that.

Well, until he became too hot, that was, and had to struggle out of his alpha's inhumanly strong hold, which usually proved impossible without waking Derek too.

Sleeping with someone else wasn't nearly as easy as everyone made it out to be and there were times when it was downright uncomfortable even.

But Stiles couldn't deny that he was grinning like a madman when he woke up that first morning with his face buried in one of Derek's pillows and his leg tangled with Derek's. It was the best feeling in the entire world to just open his eyes and have his alpha right there in front of him, Derek's face still relaxed in sleep. It made Stiles feel like a complete sap but Derek was so beautiful in that moment.

The alpha was gorgeous on an everyday basis – no one really argued with that – but to see him at ease and unguarded was something else. He looked young and innocent, despite the harsh stubble and his sharp features, and Stiles quietly shuffled closer until he was pressed against Derek's side. The fact that Derek only breathed out a slow exhale before he turned and wrapped himself protectively and perhaps a tad bit possessively around Stiles, well, that might have just made his day.

And they got better at it. Much better. Mostly due to practice because Stiles spent at least one night at Derek's each weekend now that he could, and the sleeping got easier the more they did it. Derek seemed to get used to Stiles' tossing and turning to the extent that he slept through it out of habit, even if any kind of other noise or movement could still wake him without problem. It seemed almost as if he made an exception for Stiles; as his instincts told him that Stiles wasn't a threat and therefore not something he needed to wake up because of. Stiles could be trusted. Stiles was safe. Stiles could be that close to him – he was allowed.

Stiles in turn seemed to quiet down once he lay curled closer to Derek, which happened more and more often. Derek wasn't the most comfortable pillow in the world but there was just something strangely satisfying about snuggling close to his alpha, just because he could. It might even be some latent kind of pack instinct – Stiles would never know – but there was no question that he liked it.

And Derek seemed pleased whenever he woke up with Stiles within arm's reach and could pull him closer without much effort, nuzzling his hair or neck while giving off a low, humming growl that was just short of a purr. Derek was cuddly in the mornings and God was Stiles glad that he was there to find out and partake. He lived for those mornings.

Strange as it might seem sex became a little secondary during those moments, simply because they had other things to focus on – like their sleeping arrangements. That might have been why Stiles was kind of caught by surprise when the moment finally came. He really shouldn't have been because they were alone, not under his dad's roof and the mood was just right. Stiles was just so set on letting it take the time that it needed that he had – through much effort – managed to almost banish the thought of sex entirely and as a result it almost flew right past his head.

He had been eighteen for over a month by then, closing in on two even.

It wasn't like they hadn't made out during those almost two months though. Oh no, there had been lots of kisses, some pretty awesome fondling and quite a few gasping moans. But it hadn't lead to anything heavier. Usually they just parted in their normal fashion, breathless and aching but still pleased to be in each other's presence. It had been strangely easy to forget that they could actually go further now, if they wanted. But perhaps they just hadn't wanted it.

Until the night they apparently did.

It was a Friday evening, thankfully enough, over at Derek's and they were for once completely alone. Scott was out with Allison, Lydia and Jackson were spending time at Jackson's, Danny was out on a date with some attractive young man and the three remaining baby betas were having a movie night at Erica's.

Stiles didn't think much of it and he was pretty certain that Derek didn't either. Neither of them planned it. Stiles was completely content with watching TV while playing absently with Derek's fingers, half lying on top of the alpha, tucked against his warm side.

Well, Stiles was honestly getting a bit too tall to really sit tucked against anyone but Derek still had a lot of muscle mass on him which made him seem bigger, in a rather cozy way. Stiles felt a little like some kind of woodland animal – a tall and gangly one – cuddling up to the big bad wolf while the wolf graciously allowed him to touch and explore in his curiosity, never once growing annoyed by the constant prodding. It was a fierce wolf – big and strong – but it tolerated Stiles.

Allowed him close. Trusted him.

"Stop thinking. I can't hear the TV over the sound of your gears turning," Derek muttered, his chest rumbling with the words. Stiles grinned and bumped his forehead against Derek's chin.

"I was thinking about you, you know."

"All the more reason for you to stop," Derek replied without changing his tone in the slightest, gaze still locked on the TV. Stiles rolled his eyes.

"And why is that? Because you think I'm insulting you inside my head? Or... let me guess – you don't like it when I think? Bad things happen?"

Derek turned his head slowly, regarding Stiles with a raised eyebrow.

"No. I just figured that since I'm right here you'd have no reason to be thinking of me."

Derek made it sound so simple that Stiles couldn't help laughing. The alpha was both wrong and right of course – Stiles had him within arm's reach and what could possibly compare? But Derek was a fascinating being so there would always be stuff to think about. Stiles wished that he would always find new things about Derek to marvel at.

"That's a little stupid, even for you," Stiles pointed out, grin wide on his lips while his fingers wandered over Derek's palm. "Cute, but stupid."

Only Stiles could get away with calling the alpha of the Beacon Hills pack cute and stupid in one sentence. And not even that was quite certain, apparently, since Derek had them flipped around so fast that Stiles didn't even see it coming until his back was already on the seat cushions of the couch and Derek was hovering above him.

"Cute? Really, Stiles?" Derek questioned while he eased down, just a little, until his nose brushed against Stiles' temple. It was suddenly a little more difficult to breathe but Stiles swallowed it down and grinned.

"Yes, really. You are definitely the big bad wolf – I know that better than most – but you have moments where you're just... cute. Adorable. Endear-" Stiles cut himself off in favor of a sharp inhale when Derek nipped at his neck.

The TV was still on but it was just pointless background noise by then. Stiles was focusing on completely different things.

"And you still don't know how to keep quiet," Derek murmured, his lips dragging across Stiles' skin. It was a familiar touch, something Derek seemed to enjoy doing, and Stiles smiled while his hands found their way into Derek's hair.

"Mmmh... make me," Stiles dared. It wasn't even a very creative one, both knew that, but it wasn't like Derek would deny it. He did scoff – a puff of air against Stiles' neck – before he pulled back enough to give Stiles' an amused look. Stiles met it with a wide grin and it wasn't long before Derek ducked down again for a deep, thoroughly silencing kiss.

Stiles loved it.

They often ended up like this in some formation or another, tangled together on the couch, trading lazy kisses. Stiles was all for that but for some reason the kisses weren't lazy that night. He didn't know why things were different or who took the first step – it might have been both of them – but before long Stiles was breathless, his heart thundering in his ribcage. Stiles gasped when Derek finally broke the kiss, only to dive straight for Stiles' throat with the kind of single-minded focus that made Stiles a little dizzy.

He tried to muffle his moan, feeling quite embarrassed by it, but Stiles couldn't help arching up from the couch, just an inch or two. When he was met by Derek's warm, firm body it was quite hard to keep his sounds to himself though. His fingers gripped tighter around Derek's hair and he knew that this was usually where either of them backed off. Sometimes it was Derek, sometimes it was Stiles but most often than not it was some sort of unanimous thing between them.

It didn't happen this time.

Instead of pulling back Derek seemed to stop for a second, just brief enough that it wouldn't worry Stiles, before he pushed down instead, his hips aligning with Stiles' in the most perfect way imaginable. The sound Stiles made was downright filthy. He hadn't even known he could make sounds like that but Derek apparently took some joy in it, judging on the deep, approving growl that vibrated in his chest.

Stiles sucked in a breath, his thoughts whirling. It was happening. It really was. He hadn't even thought about it until it was right there and he barely even had the chance to be nervous. Well, that might be a lie – he felt it churn in his gut together with arousal – but there was no time to freak out. Not when Derek was kissing along his neck and another roll of those glorious hips sent sparks flying along Stiles' spine, tingling under his skin like little bursts of firework.

Then again, Stiles didn't need to freak out. He was ready – he hadn't lied about that – and whatever nerves he was feeling wasn't about the act itself as much as how well he would be expected to perform. He had researched it of course since there was just no way that he _wouldn't_ , but he was new to the whole thing and he was a teenager. He wouldn't last long. He knew that he wouldn't last long. Not when his partner looked like Derek and made him feel so good with so little effort.

"You're thinking too much again," Derek whispered in Stiles' ear, his voice husky and rough in a way that made Stiles tremble.

Yeah, he wasn't going to last long at all.

"I-I..." Stiles stuttered uselessly, only to give off a decidedly unmanly squeak when Derek gripped his waist and rearranged them again. This time Stiles ended up straddling Derek's legs while the alpha sat on the couch, looking imploringly up at Stiles.

"Do you want to stop?" Derek voice was calm and measured now, as if he was forcing himself to keep it level. His hands slipped lower until they rested comfortably on Stiles' hips but Derek wasn't holding him down per se. Stiles could easily step away. That was why Derek had changed their positions – he wanted to make it easier for Stiles to break it off.

"No." Stiles shook his head, perhaps a little more vigorously than necessary. His hands gripped Derek's shoulders, wandered up over his neck and into his hair once more. "No, I really, really don't."

"Then stop thinking so much," Derek replied before he reached up for a kiss; one that Stiles happily obliged to.

Stiles was still nervous though. He could tell that his hands were shaking and he had the insane urge to blabber on about whatever he could think of, as if that would make him less flimsy and uncoordinated. It wouldn't of course, he knew that, so in fear of ruining things somehow he held on to that kiss. Derek's taste, their lips and tongues moving against one another's and how even something that simple could make him lightheaded.

Derek's hands slipped in under Stiles' shirt but unlike every other time – when it had either been by mistake or just for brief, glimpsing touches – there was purpose behind it now. Fingers skated over Stiles' skin, mapping out dips and curves, making him squirm in response, pushing closer and demanding more. Derek gave it without hesitation. Whatever doubts Derek had had about them having sex seemed to have already been handled, without them having to discuss it. Stiles was silently grateful for that because right now he wanted to focus on the moment.

Stiles' shirt was pushed upwards until it was more of a restraint than anything else, bunched under his armpits and just generally in the way. Before he had time to regret it Stiles tugged at the hem, glad when Derek took the hint and helped him pull it over his head.

Stiles was immediately self-conscious. He didn't look like Derek. Sure, he was a growing boy and all the running and lacrosse practice had started to give some results as he grew a little leaner and firmer but it was nowhere near Derek's league. He knew he wasn't particularly muscular or impressive when it came to looks. Derek didn't seem to care.

He just leaned forwards, nipping at Stiles' collarbone before trailing a series of kisses along his shoulders and neck, brushing over the chain of the dog whistle looped around Stiles' neck. It took a while before Stiles realized that Derek was kissing his moles, one after another, as if he was counting them – or at least those he could reach. Stiles almost forgot about being self-conscious under that kind of attention.

Derek's hands continued to wander – easier now with the shirt out of the way –, his fingers warm and pleasant against Stiles' skin. Stiles tilted his head back and couldn't help grinding down, trying to find some kind of friction to ease the burning feeling in his chest. His breath hitched while Derek growled low in his throat and bit down on the juncture between Stiles' shoulder and neck. It was human teeth – which Stiles was thankful for – and was actually a lot more of a turn on than he had thought that it would be. He held back a groan and rolled his hips again, pleased to find Derek's hands slide down, urging him to keep going.

A fleeting thought asked whether they should talk about this first – it was a huge step to take in any relationship – but it flitted away before it could take hold inside Stiles' mind.

They were done waiting.

Stiles pulled Derek's head back with his grip on his hair, intent on demanding another kiss. He halted briefly though when he caught the sight of Derek's glowing red eyes, halfway closed as they were. According to the accounts Stiles had heard from Scott that could be a bad thing, but Derek seemed in perfect control – his grip on Stiles' hips was nowhere near painful or bruising, even if it was firm. Derek's wolf was close but definitely not to an extent where Stiles had to worry.

Besides, it might have been a tiny bit hot. Or really hot.

Stiles breathed out a short little gasp against Derek's parted lips when another roll of his hips caused heat to build low in his gut. God, it felt so good. Stiles was pretty certain that he was trembling, at least a little, but he pretended that he wasn't. He tried to keep his thoughts occupied – away from things that would make him embarrass himself too early – but it was really difficult because Derek was incredibly distracting. Stiles closed his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from mewling pathetically. That wouldn't be very dignified.

Lips pressed against his again and Stiles followed blindly, trying to will himself into being less nervous. He didn't want to screw up. But God did he want more. Pleasure was rising through him in time with the uncoordinated rolls of his hips and he was dizzy with need.

His fingers wandered over Derek's shoulders, following the seam of Derek's Henley and trying to sneak his fingertips under the collar. It wasn't ideal and Derek must have agreed considering how he pushed Stiles back just enough to be able to get rid of the shirt entirely. Stiles was definitely okay with that.

His hands were on Derek's bare skin before the alpha had even had the time to settle back and Stiles wasn't the least bit afraid to explore. His hands shook, sure, but he wanted everything – he wanted to touch and taste and feel – and that desire seemed to trump his nerves and the slight flashes of awkwardness he felt whenever he wondered what he was supposed to do.

He licked along Derek's collarbone and grinned when he heard Derek respond with a pleased, rumbling growl that seemed to vibrate between them. Derek dove in for another kiss, this one tinged with an impatient kind of longing and fierceness that Stiles didn't really know what to do with. He met it – half of it came from him anyway – but he was a little hesitant on how to proceed. He knew the mechanics, sure, but the mere thought of _doing_ it made him blush beet red and caused his hands to fumble.

Luckily enough for him Derek seemed to be a little bolder.

Stiles held his breath when he felt Derek's fingers whisper along the hem of his jeans but they stopped when they reached the button – as if silently asking whether it was alright to keep going. Stiles broke the kiss, panting against Derek's lips for a beat before he nodded. He felt is cheeks grow heated like he was some stupid blushing virgin but, in all fairness – he was a virgin and he was blushing.

So yeah, okay, blushing virgin it was.

That didn't stop him from tensing just a little when Derek popped open the button on Stiles' jeans and pulled the zipper down. It was happening. It was really happening and Stiles' mind was suddenly full of humming doubts and worries. What if he wasn't good enough? What if Derek didn't like it? What if he embarrassed himself? It felt so good – all of it – but he was completely new to everything. He hadn't even done it with a girl before. He was so out of his depth.

It took him a moment to realize that Derek had halted in his advances.

"We can stop..." Derek's voice was rough and for once he seemed too unbalanced to keep his emotions from showing through. Stiles could hear the worry and the hesitation.

"What? No! That's not what I want!" Stiles blurted out, locking gazes with Derek.

The alpha frowned.

"You tensed and I-"

"No, no. It wasn't because of that," Stiles hurried to interrupt, a little breathless still. "I was just... worried. I've never done this before."

Derek raised an eyebrow.

"And I have?"

Stiles was a little stumped.

"Umm... no?" he replied hesitantly. He still didn't know what kind of sexual orientation Derek actually had – if labels were even necessary at that point.

Derek gave a laughing huff before he placed a firm, soothing kiss on Stiles' lips.

"Exactly." Derek nuzzled Stiles' cheek, then his ear, while his fingers moved – just a little – so that they slipped inside Stiles' jeans. Stiles thought that he might spontaneously combust. "Do you want to keep talking or...?"

Derek let the sentence fade out and Stiles took a shallow breath.

"N-no... I'm good. Totally good. Keep going. With the other thing. Wow," he rambled stupidly, jumping only slightly when Derek pushed Stiles' jeans and underwear down as much as he could in their position.

It was really happening and if Stiles hadn't been so busy trying to swallow down his own heart – which seemed to have leapt into his throat – he might have freaked out even more. As it was now he could only close his eyes and groan when Derek wrapped his fingers around him.

"Oh my _God_!" Stiles practically whined. He wasn't going to last long at all. He was going to embarrass himself completely but fuck it – it was going to feel so incredibly good.

He hid his face against Derek's neck, one hand fisted in Derek's hair. It might not have been very romantic but saved a miniscule amount of his practically non-existent dignity. Derek could probably still hear how furiously Stiles' heart was beating and all the small moans and sounds that Stiles tried to hold back. But he couldn't. It felt far too good. Derek's hand was warm as he stroked him and Stiles bit into Derek's shoulder to muffle his gasping whimpers.

Kissing didn't measure up – it wasn't even close. Stiles could tell that there were some moments of hesitation – brief glimpses of awkwardness from Derek – before the alpha got the hang of what he was doing and when he finally did? Stiles was completely lost. It didn't take long before he was a panting, quivering mess and all he could feel was the fire burning in his veins – the pleasure pulsing through his body like bursts of flames.

He knew that he should be reciprocating – he was being a shitty boyfriend and a shitty partner – but when he tried to pull back and reach for Derek's pants he wasn't allowed. At least not at first. Derek seemed to be enjoying this one sided thing and Stiles didn't know whether he was supposed to object or just let it happen.

When Derek gritted his teeth around a longing little groan Stiles decided that enough was enough though and took matters into his own hands. Literally.

Derek didn't object this time and let Stiles undo his pants and reach inside. Stiles had no idea what he was doing because everything was foreign and backwards but he was going to do his best. Derek spread his legs a little more, offering much needed room, and Stiles swallowed down a lump of nerves. His strokes were careful at first – confused and a little intimidated by the newness of the situation – but he was nothing if not stubborn and grew bolder long before he actually had the confidence to do so.

Derek's soft growl could either be a good or bad sign but Stiles chose to take it as good when it was followed by a filthy, searing kiss.

Stiles managed to gain some of his composure while focusing on this new task ahead of him, but only until Derek continued with his part. Stiles wasn't sure if he had the capability of dividing his attention evenly between giving and receiving this kind of pleasure so it fluctuated wildly depending on who of them got the upper hand.

Stiles might have laughed at that formulation during any other situation but now he was far too focused on Derek. The smell of him, the sounds he made and the way their bodies moved together. Stiles' dog whistle was dangling between them, brushing against Derek's bare chest ever so often.

Derek was much quieter than Stiles but that came as no surprise. It didn't by any means indicate that Derek was silent – just less loud than Stiles. There was actually quite a lot of joy to be had in the subtle growls and groans that Stiles managed to pick up on and he wished that he could store them away and never forget that delicious timbre.

Stiles knew that he would finish first – there wasn't a chance that it would end any differently – but as he climbed higher and higher he wasn't entirely sure if he cared anymore. Derek certainly didn't seem to, not with how he was practically purring in Stiles' ear and pushing them both further along that spiraling trail of pleasure.

Stiles was completely lost, aching and burning and just desperate for release. His blood was singing, his heart beating furiously inside his chest and his breaths erratic at best. Derek was warm and solid against him – both comforting and alluring at the same time – and Stiles moaned helplessly as sparks of pleasure shot down his spine, pooling low in his stomach. Gone was the embarrassment and the nerves, leaving only yearning and satisfaction in its wake. God how Stiles had longed for this. How he _needed_ this. He was so happy that Derek was the one he could share it with.

His breath hitched when he felt himself draw closer the edge and he could have sworn that Derek picked up the pace, his strokes confident and frankly rather ruthless by then. Not that Stiles wanted mercy. He didn't stand a chance anyway, his own hand stilling as he panted against Derek's neck, heedless of the sounds he was making. His back was arching, his breathing shallow and sharp, and he could for once not find one single thought inside his head. It was blissfully empty, every nerve ending focused on the pleasure and how it kept building and building until Stiles was trembling with it – begging and pleading for it.

He could hear himself mumbling Derek's name – a breathless mantra – and feel his body beginning to tense as he raced towards his release. There was a fraction of a second of stillness the moment he reached it, a beat of utter perfection, before he tumbled over the edge and into blinding, numbing bliss.

He didn't know how long it took before he managed to catch his breath again but he was dizzy with deliria and still rather out of it. It would probably take hours before he was able to gather his wits again so for now he just dredged up enough focus to help Derek reach the same kind of satisfaction he had.

Stiles' hands fumbled a little, uncoordinated and graceless, but he made up for that with sweet, encouraging kisses along Derek's neck. He could hear on Derek's labored breaths that he wasn't far off either and Stiles hummed in approval while Derek's hand wandered into Stiles' hair, gripping tightly as if he would lose his hold on reality if he didn't. If Derek was even close to what Stiles had felt then he definitely understood the urge.

It didn't take long before Derek peaked and the tipping point seemed to be when Stiles decided to repay the favor and bit down on the curve between Derek's neck and shoulder. Derek seemed to like that. Stupid, adorable, amazing werewolf.

Stiles slumped against Derek once he was sure that his alpha was just as pleased and boneless as he was and he couldn't help grinning against the bare skin of Derek's shoulder. They had totally just had sex. Finally. That was so awesome. And it had definitely been worth the wait.

Moments – perhaps even minutes – passed and Stiles could hear how both of their breaths evened out, even while the afterglow still lingered like warm coals of ember in his gut. He felt lazy and limp, leaning against Derek like a sack of potatoes. Derek didn't seem to notice or mind – not considering how he was scratching Stiles' scalp with his fingernails.

"That... was awesome..." Stiles mumbled, drowsy and sated. Derek hummed in what Stiles chose to take as agreement before his lips pressed a lingering kiss on top of Stiles' head. "We have to do that again... later... sometime. Many times."

Derek chuckled softly, clearly more relaxed than usual. Sex did wonders, simple as that.

"Shut up, Stiles." There was nothing but fondness in Derek's voice though and Stiles couldn't help nuzzling against Derek's neck, taking deep breaths of his scent. They were pretty icky by then but Stiles could overlook that for at least another minute or two. He wanted to bask a little more.

"I love you.," Stiles whispered, not the least bit surprised when Derek didn't answer verbally. He rarely did – the fact that he had even said it once was a miracle – but his actions still spoke volumes.

The way he carefully tilted Stiles' head until he could give him a sweet, tender little kiss that was so different from the ones they had shared just minutes ago. Stiles didn't have to hear Derek say it to know that he loved him. Sometimes he could see it just as clearly in the things Derek did – and this was definitely one of those times.

Stiles smiled and Derek didn't even hesitate before he smiled back.

Stiles could think of a million different things to say – sappy things, perverted things, humorous things – but in the end he chose silence. He knew that that was what Derek preferred.

He did demand another kiss though and Derek obeyed easily. And in that moment – that exact moment – Stiles knew that all those ups and downs, Derek's stupid decision making and his own aches and woes had totally been worth what he had now. He wouldn't change it for the world.

Derek was his and he was Derek's. He couldn't ask for more than that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand they finally did it xD It only took them forever - but with good reason I guess.  
> This one shot is the longest simply because there was so much I wanted and needed to include. I hope you like it anyway.
> 
> And yeah, I figured that it would be nicer with some cutesty bordering on awkward sex than rough filthy sex. So there you have it.
> 
> [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) is still my ever faithful beta - who assured me that this was good sex even if I don't write such things very often.
> 
> ... also prompts. Give me prompts on my Tumblr. I want to write silly, simple things.


	8. Epilogue

 

* * *

 

Stiles bounded up the stairs and onto the porch, his backpack swinging precariously on his shoulder. He didn't even stop to check if the door was locked – he knew that it wouldn't be – and instead pushed it open with mildly shaking hands. Excitedly shaking hands.

A wide grin was on his face at the sight of the familiar foyer. He loved Derek's house. Ever since it had officially been announced as finished Stiles and the pack had spent a fair share of their time at the house, getting comfortable and settled.

It was smaller than the old Hale house – as planned – but still bigger than Stiles' or any normal house in Beacon Hills. Derek's views on decently sized lodging was apparently a little askew, but at least that meant that the pack had more than enough room to house themselves – and grow, if it ever came to that.

It was built so that each of them would have their own rooms plus some spares, but since many of them opted to share – like Jackson and Lydia or Stiles with Derek – it meant that there were still a lot to go around it need should ever arise. There had been several arguments on how the house was to be decorated and furnished and while Derek seemed to have at least pretended to have listened to some of the things Lydia and Allison had suggested the alpha had clearly vetoed whatever he found unnecessary. Stiles hadn't really bothered that much with it since he was clever enough not to get between Lydia and one of her projects. He was impressed that Derek came out of it completely unscathed but, then again, he was the alpha.

Stiles' only contribution had been to make sure that the couches were comfy and the kitchen functional, but apart from that he didn't care much about what colors matched with the curtains and what furniture should be in which room. He was just glad that they _had_ the house in the first place and even more so what it had done for Derek's mood.

Derek was still stoic and a little broody – nothing would ever change that – but it had been obvious, when they had reached the final stages of getting the house ready and Derek had barely wanted to leave to eat or sleep, that this was salvation to him. It was therapeutic for Derek to build a place for his pack, one that was reminiscent yet so different from the Hale house. Stiles had helped as much as he could and all the late nights and arguments over silly things when they had both just been tired and hungry had been worth it the moment they had opened the doors for the rest of the pack.

Derek hadn't said much, nor had he smiled or laughed, but Stiles knew him too well not to see how important it really was to him. Stiles had also known that Derek didn't smile simply because if he started he wouldn't be able to stop and Derek would hate that. Everyone had still known anyway. It had been obvious how much Derek had enjoyed it and the pack had not disappointed. Despite having their own rooms they had fallen asleep, tangled and in complete disarray on the couches and armchairs in the living room that first night, just because they were closer to each other that way.

That was why Stiles loved the house. It was where they gathered; where they could be a pack and not have to worry about what others might think. It was where they were always together. Stiles treasured that more than he could express in words. He knew that Derek felt the same.

It had gotten a little more difficult once they started heading off to college though. It had only been a matter of time and while all of them didn't most had opted to do so. Even Stiles. It had been a tough decision – he wanted to stay with the pack – but once his dad _and_ Derek reminded him that most of the pack would be moving away anyway there wasn't much reason for him to stay.

It had still been a difficult decision to make simply because he didn't want to leave Derek or his dad, since he knew that both would be lonely without him. Derek didn't even deny it. His dad tried to but Stiles could see that he was lying.

Stiles couldn't count the times they had spent discussing or arguing about it, Derek never once swaying in his opinion that Stiles should go. Stiles wasn't proud over all the things he had said and what a drama queen he had proved to be when he had felt that Derek was trying to get rid of him somehow, but it had worked out in the end. Mostly because Scott had grown tired of them bickering and sat them down to mediate. Because that's what friends are for.

So Stiles had gone to college. As had Scott, Allison, Lydia, Jackson and Danny. Boyd studied off campus so he didn't have to move and Scott and Allison were both just a relatively short drive away, while Stiles, Lydia, Jackson and Danny had gone a little further.

It was difficult. Stiles wouldn't lie. Not only had he moved from his dad and Derek but Scott wasn't with him either. It felt like someone had chopped off his right arm and it had taken him ages to stop glancing over his shoulder to say something to Scott, only to realize that he wasn't there. It was like a burning ache in his chest and Stiles was pretty certain that he wouldn't have pulled through without phones and the ability to Skype whenever the feeling of loss became too great. He wasn't properly equipped to be away from Scott such long periods at a time.

The fact that he and Lydia were at the same campus also helped even if they didn't have classes together. Stiles could tell that she missed Jackson – who was off with Danny on sports scholarships – but at least they had each other. Within a matter of weeks Stiles and Lydia had grown pretty close and while there were still things Stiles would never understand and fully grasp when it came to the strawberry blonde beauty he was glad to have the opportunity to become one of her true friends. They were actually pretty good at it and Stiles was infinitely glad that he had been able to let go of his crush on her. It really would have been a disaster if they had gotten together. They worked better as friends.

Stiles made sure to keep in contact with the pack. Isaac and Erica had chosen to stay in Beacon Hills, both of them working for the time being. Stiles suspected that at least Erica wanted to study something but since she hadn't decided what she chose to busy herself in other ways. Isaac was officially living with Derek by then and Stiles wondered how long it would take before Boyd and Erica announced the same.

Derek was doing what Derek had always been doing and kept being rather tight-lipped about it. Stiles couldn't quite figure out why because he knew what Derek worked with now, but perhaps he thought that Stiles would find it boring. Stiles had barely even been told when Derek had gotten his degree and had been forced to resort to sneaky methods to be able to throw at least a small party for him. Derek had been grumpy about it but Stiles was pretty certain that he had secretly liked it. If nothing else because it had been an entire evening spent with the pack, followed by a sleepover and a rowdy breakfast.

The one Stiles worried about the most was his dad. Stiles knew that Derek was a little lonely without him but he had three betas and Scott some hours away – his dad was alone in their house. So Stiles didn't even feel bad about having convinced Melissa to check in on him every now and then as well as making sure that he was eating right. Someone had to and Stiles was definitely not good enough at detecting his dad's lies over the phone to make sure that he wasn't slipping up. So Melissa it was.

Stiles was pretty certain that his dad didn't mind anyway considering how close he and Melissa had gotten since his hospital stay. They never said anything about it but Stiles had begun to suspect that there really was something there. But all in due time.

Apart from that Stiles was enjoying college. He had Lydia and some casual friends he had met during his classes and Scott was never too busy to take a call or answer a text. He was having a lot of fun even if he wasn't exactly a partygoer, and he couldn't quite pinpoint if that was because it wasn't his style or because he outgrew it before he even got there. After what he had been through with the pack partying until he was shitfaced didn't feel like a very responsible thing to do. His dad was relieved by Stiles' lack of binges and incriminating behavior and it wasn't like Stiles mourned not being a college douche. He had other things to focus on.

As awesome as college was coming home was always the best though. Stiles usually counted the days until he would be back in Beacon Hills while Lydia spent her time teasing him about it. He didn't mind. Nothing could take the joy out of getting to hug his dad again or like now, when he stepped into Derek's house after weeks in a place that wasn't exactly foreign but definitely not home either.

Stiles didn't bother to call out for Derek. He knew that his alpha must have heard him coming long before he even parked the Jeep in the driveway. Sure enough, Stiles didn't have to wait more than a second or two before Derek came walking into the foyer. Stiles grin was so wide it was almost painful.

He hadn't seen Derek in weeks and while the appropriate thing would have been to at least say hi first Stiles didn't really care about social conventions – and he knew for a fact that Derek didn't.

The backpack slipped off Stiles' shoulder and in the next second he had jumped up, wrapping both arms and legs around Derek like some kind of demented monkey. Derek didn't even stumble under the added weight and instead just placed his hands under Stiles' thighs to offer support. Having a werewolf with superhuman strength as a boyfriend was pretty darn sweet.

Stiles didn't waste another second before he dove in for a deep, hungry kiss. He hadn't seen Derek in weeks. He hadn't tasted Derek in weeks. He had talked to him over the phone, sure, but that wasn't the same. Derek seemed to feel the same judging on how enthusiastically he responded to the kiss. Stiles found his back pressed against the nearest wall and obediently tilted his head to the side to allow Derek more room when the alpha moved to kiss and nuzzle Stiles' neck. He still seemed to like that very much.

Stiles' head thunked against the wall and he drew a trembling breath.

"I can stay the n-night," Stiles stuttered, "but dad wants to have dinner tomorrow." It was very difficult to speak when Derek was busy kissing and nipping along his skin. "You're invited."

Although 'invited' might have been a misleading term for it. Derek was expected to be there and only certain death could excuse his absence. But Derek was well versed in the language of the Stilinskis by then and gave a quick nod in reply, accepting the demand for what it was.

Stiles gripped Derek's hair with one hand and the fabric of his Henley with the other, trying to find whatever leverage he could. Derek was growling low in his throat and that could only mean one thing; at least when it was coupled with increasingly urgent kisses.

"Stairs. Bedroom," Stiles mumbled while drawing Derek's lips to his own again, far too eager to allow his neck to have all the fun.

Derek obliged, both in terms of the kiss and their relocation.

It wasn't difficult at all for Derek to turn and head for the stairs, even with a passenger. Stiles had grown a little bigger over the last couple of months, mostly over the shoulders and in general muscle mass, but was still nowhere near Derek or the other werewolves. Derek could still carry him without even breaking a sweat and didn't as much as wobble when he walked them up the stairs. Stiles was fairly impressed by Derek's ability to do two things at once since Stiles definitely wouldn't have been able to focus on walking while they were kissing in the manner that they were.

All the longing from their weeks apart came pouring out and Stiles was so frustrated that he couldn't get closer than this. They were obviously going to get naked sometime within the near future but not even that felt like it would be enough. He wanted to taste and touch and smell and _devour_.

Their kisses were heated and impatient, to the point where Stiles knew that his lips were bound to be swollen already and his skin raw from Derek's stubble, but he couldn't really find it within himself to care. He tried his best not to squirm too much, if only to make it easier for Derek to navigate, but by the time they reached Derek's – no, _their_ – bedroom the alpha was almost stumbling anyway. Out of eagerness, not clumsiness, but still.

Stiles broke the kiss only long enough to whip his shirt and t-shirt off before pulling on Derek's Henley to get rid of that too. Derek was chuckling softly and Stiles could only grin in response and surge in for another kiss. He loved it when they were like this – fumbling and rushed but oh so happy. Derek was smiling that gorgeous, delighted smile of his and Stiles groaned against Derek's lips, not sure how else to show just how much he loved this. All of it.

Stiles yelped when Derek dumped him unceremoniously on the bed and he would have complained if it hadn't been for the beautiful sight of Derek as he finally got rid of that shirt of his. Stiles moved back an inch or two, making room for Derek as he crawled on top of Stiles, his eyes burning red. There might even have been some hints of fangs but Stiles didn't mind. He knew that Derek wouldn't hurt him and that it was a sign of Derek liking what they were doing, nothing else.

There was one beat of stillness – a slight pause in their urgency – when Derek reached out to trail his fingers along the chain of the dog whistle, reverent and heartfelt. Stiles always held his breath in those moments, simply because he knew the bone chilling, deep rooted fear both of them carried at the thought of losing the other. The dog whistle was a symbol of trust and safety just as much as it was a reminder of harder times and desperation.

Stiles caught Derek's hand, pulling it up to his lips to place a quick kiss against his knuckles, his smile brushing against Derek's skin. Their eyes met and it only took a moment for the spark to return – for Derek's eyes to grow clouded, even when shining red. Stiles reached up for a kiss and Derek met it easily, without hesitation.

Derek arched down, their bodies brushing against one another's and Stiles didn't even try to hold back his moans. He knew that Derek liked hearing them. Stiles' hands wandered over Derek's skin, mapping out the dips and curves of his muscles, re-familiarizing himself with the feel of them under his palms and fingers. He would never grow tired of that.

Their kisses became sloppy and urgent and Stiles reached down towards Derek's pants, eager to get them out of the way as well.

"Erica, Boyd and Isaac are pulling up on the driveway," Derek murmured against Stiles lips, almost as if in a passing.

Stiles groaned and let his head thump down on the bed. He loved his pack, he really did, but right now he was as little busy trying to get inside Derek's pants. His glorious, tight pants.

"They want to see you too," Derek pointed out, his smile evident in his voice, even as he busied himself kissing along Stiles' jaw.

"I know," Stiles whined, "I want to see them too. Just not right _now_." He took a deep breath and placed his hands over Derek's ears out of consideration before he shouted to the betas outside the house, "I'm busy defiling our alpha! Unless you want to watch that happen you better turn around and return in a couple of hours!"

Derek chuckled against Stiles' neck, only to choke on it a second later.

"Boyd! Keep Erica from coming inside! She _cannot_ watch!" Derek barked and Stiles couldn't help that he burst out laughing. That was so typically Erica.

He grinned up at Derek, even when the alpha rolled his eyes due to Erica or Boyd's reply, whatever that might be. Stiles ran his fingers through Derek's hair and pulled him down for another kiss.

"They'll be back in two hours," Derek informed. Stiles nodded before he bit into Derek's bottom lip, just because he could. The response was a deep, pleased growl and a searing kiss. That was all it took for them to get back on track while the three betas presumably made themselves scarce.

Stiles knew that he should have asked how the pack was doing – he hadn't been home in a while – or perhaps even chosen to go down to the betas instead of staying there with Derek, but it didn't quite seem like his alpha would let him. And Stiles didn't complain. He had missed this so much. Being away from the pack – especially Derek – wasn't easy, not after them having grown so close.

If anyone had told him that he would reach a point where he could find himself missing _Jackson_ of all people Stiles would have laughed in their faces. But that was what being a pack was all about – and they really were a pack by then.

Derek had settled into the role as their alpha while Scott and Jackson both grew wiser and more confident in their positions as the two stronger betas. Boyd was still the reasonable, loyal one you could always trust, Isaac had proven to be a driving force when it came to making them communicate and Erica pushed them to keep going even when they were tired. Lydia was still brilliant and had, like Stiles, taken it upon herself to learn from Deaton and Ms. Morrell to better protect the pack while Danny remained the calming influence he had always been.

And Stiles, well, he was the pack mom, with everything that included. Nothing was ever going to change that and they were a good pack. A stable and mostly happy pack. Stiles wouldn't change it for the world.

Stiles smiled and gave Derek a lingering, heartfelt kiss. Derek seemed to notice the difference between this kiss and all those preceding it and stilled enough to respond in kind. There was so much tenderness there – so much love and care – and Stiles hummed against Derek's lips.

No, he wouldn't change this for the world. He was so happy with what he had and would fight tooth and nail to keep it.

Derek's arms slid under Stiles' back, pulling him close in a tight embrace. Stiles followed effortlessly, burying his face against Derek's neck with a soft exhale. Derek was warm and firm on top of him and Stiles' chest ached with affection. He couldn't believe that he was lucky enough to have this. He couldn't believe that Derek was his – that he had the amazing pack that he did.

But he did. It was all his. And he was never going to let go. Not ever.

This was where he belonged.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of an era, folks. The last one shot.  
> Probably not the last you will ever see from The Thunder Moon Chronicles-verse (I might already have written what basically amounts to one chapter from Keep the Wolves at Bay from Derek's point of view, just for kicks) but there will be no steady updates or promises of more. The series is offically finished.
> 
> [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) is the awesome beta that was with me through this entire ordeal and you should give her some love because she's amazing <3 
> 
> I still have a [Tumblr](http://amethystinawrites.tumblr.com/) for those who are interested, where the Derek-chapter-thingie will most likely be posted once it's been beta'ed. I also take prompts.
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed my story anyway! Take care and perhaps I'll see you again sometime! :D
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING!


	9. Bonus Ficlet: The Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I, uh, found this little ficlet on my Tumblr. I know that this series has been officially finished for almost three years, but I figured it was a shame not to post it here. So to anyone who still cares about the Thunder Moon Chronicles — surprise bonus ficlet! :D
> 
> This was prompted by [kaitou13](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitou13), who wanted Derek taking care of a sick Stiles. [Sjazna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sjazna) gave it a read-through when it was originally posted on my Tumblr two years ago (thank you, love <3) and you can find that post [HERE](http://amethystinawrites.tumblr.com/post/97404388902/the-cold).

 

* * *

 

Stiles groaned hoarsely when light suddenly dawned on the other side of his eyelids. He didn't dare to open them in fear of imminent death, but he was fairly certain that someone had just pulled open the curtains that he had so painstakingly closed just hours before. Or maybe it was days. It was frankly difficult to tell when Stiles could barely stay awake for longer than an hour at a time.

It felt as if his head was stuffed with cotton, and while he could almost breathe through his nose — runny as it might be — the soreness of his throat made him want to whimper.

Stiles hated being sick.

But what he hated even more was to be _disturbed_ while being sick. He would much rather be alone when he wallowed in his own misery, thank you very much.

"You look like shit."

Stiles pulled the thick, lovely duvet over his head and curled up into a tight, miserable ball.

"Your face looks like shit," he retorted weakly, words muffled.

Stiles sullenly refused to come out of hiding, even when he heard Derek's approaching footsteps. There was a slight shift when the mattress gave under Derek's weight, but Stiles remained where he was, burrowed down and protected. Derek, the bastard, had clearly been the one to open the curtains and submit Stiles to the agonizing sunlight.

Stiles hated him.

"Stiles, you—"

"Ssssh," Stiles hissed, daring to stick out one hand from under his cocoon, weakly poking Derek's thigh as a pathetic attempt at a reprimand. "Don't speak so loudly or you'll wake it up."

Stiles shivered when Derek's noticeably cooler fingers wrapped around his, a thumb stroking gently over Stiles' knuckles. It felt better than Stiles liked to admit, and he found himself relaxing against the sheets.

"Wake what up?"

"My headache," Stiles replied, words almost inaudible for how his face was buried in his pillow.

"It's not a sentient being, Stiles," Derek replied, though he sounded amused rather than exasperated. Perhaps watching Stiles suffer for the past couple of days had actually softened up that cold, hard alpha-heart of his.

Although that wasn't quite true. Derek was already the hugest softie, especially when it involved Stiles somehow.

"You tell that to my headache," Stiles grumbled miserably.

He didn't fight when Derek pulled down the duvet, Stiles' head becoming visible once more. Stiles still refused to open his eyes. He rather appreciated the gust of fresh air, though, and the way Derek's fingers smoothly slid into Stiles' hair. It had to be rather disgusting by then considering that he had been tossing and turning with a fever for days and not exactly showered during them, but for some reason it didn't seem to bother Derek all that much.

Stiles tried to tell himself that his heart didn't swell at that — of course it didn't. He couldn't possibly love Derek more than he already did but, truth be told, Derek proved him wrong time and time again. And Stiles adored him for it.

"What do you need?"

Stiles sighed and turned his head a little, just enough to be able to cautiously peer up at Derek without also getting blinded by sunlight.

"Euthanization," Stiles deadpanned, feeling a lazy but delighted flutter in his chest at the smile that earned him.

"You're not dying, Stiles," Derek reprimanded softly, nails scratching pleasantly against Stiles' scalp. "It's a stubborn cold, not the plague."

"How would you know, Mr. Have-Never-Been-Sick-In-My-Entire-Life?" Stiles groused testily, setting off a rattling in his chest that developed into a pained cough. It took him several seconds before he was able to finish his statement. "You're a bloody werewolf."

Derek rolled his eyes but really, since Stiles could barely focus his gaze, it was all guesswork on his end. That seemed like something Derek would do, though.

"Some in my family weren't and I haven't exactly been living under a rock since they died, thank you very much."

Stiles couldn't help but smile; he always loved it when Derek sassed back, or felt comfortable enough to speak about his family without hesitating or flinching. It had taken a long time for them to reach that point and Stiles was grateful every single time he got proof that they had.

"But it huuuuurts," Stiles whined pathetically, not surprised to find that Derek started stroking through his hair again when he heard the suffering in Stiles' voice.

Derek was so terribly soft sometimes.

"You'll be fine," Derek replied, his voice gentle in that way he only ever used with Stiles — the one that made a tingling shiver travel down Stiles' spine. Every single time.

Stiles wasn't ashamed to admit that sometimes he lived for the moments — however brief — when Derek let it slip just how much he cared about him. Most of the time, Derek was firm and decisive but in the privacy of their room, where the rest of the pack couldn't see or hear, Derek could be so incredibly gentle that Stiles' throat would seize up.

That didn't mean that Derek wasn't caring and considerate when they were in public, oh no — he totally was — but that was a different kind of affection. The intensity seemed to amp up whenever they were in private and Derek allowed himself to relax in a way he still wasn't quite ready to do in front of other people than Stiles.

Derek dared to be vulnerable when they were alone.

It didn't actually occur to Stiles that the pain in his head and limbs was decreasing until he could open his eyes without feeling that sharp sting of bright, bursting agony. He gave Derek a suspicious glare, but a smile was twitching at his lips.

"Did you just use werewolf magic on me?" he asked curiously, letting his smugness shine through. "You did, didn't you?"

Sure, Stiles' nose was still runny and his temperature felt weird, but it didn't _hurt_ anymore. And since he hadn't taken any painkillers recently, the only option was that Derek had relieved him of the pain. Only that wasn't quite how it went either, was it? Derek had shouldered it himself, so that Stiles wouldn't have to.

Derek rolled his eyes before reaching towards the bedside table to give Stiles a tissue.

"It's not magic," he replied, somewhat defensively, but it was of that kind that he used whenever he didn't like being called out on having done something nice for someone else. It still made Derek uncomfortable for some reason, as if being a good guy was somehow embarrassing.

Stiles gratefully accepted the tissue and blew his nose — rather unattractively judging on the slight look of disgust on Derek's face — before tossing it towards the bin that was already halfway full with crumpled, soiled tissues.

It was easier to think when his head didn't seem to want to explode from pain, but Stiles could still feel the tremble in his limbs and knew that he'd probably fall flat on his face if he tried to get up from the bed.

"Erica is worried about you," Derek said conversationally, lacing their fingers together.

"Of course she is," Stiles mumbled with a grin. "She's my awesome, badass she-wolf protector."

Derek didn't comment, but Stiles could see the amusement in his eyes.

"Boyd told me to wish you a speedy recovery and Isaac wants to know if he can inherit your stuff if you die."

"Isaac is disowned," Stiles declared. "Let it be known that he is hereby, and forever will be, the heartless gold digger in the family."

Derek smiled, squeezing Stiles' hand reassuringly.

"Of course, Stiles, of course he is," he replied patronizingly, making it abundantly clear that he was just humoring him. Stiles should probably feel offended, but he was too busy enjoying being pain-free and didn't want to sully it.

"Scott will call later tonight and your dad will probably drop by too," Derek continued, his free hand going back to carding through Stiles' hair.

"Wow. How long have I been out?"

"Four days, more or less," Derek replied, a smile gently easing its way onto his face. "You were barely conscious for most of it, though. The worst seems to be over now."

"Thank God," Stiles groaned, blinking owlishly before flopping onto his back. "How am I not dead yet?"

"You have very devoted pack members. We've been taking care of you."

Stiles grinned and tilted his head to make Derek continue with the actually quite awesome petting of Stiles' hair.

"They wouldn't survive a week without me," he boasted confidently, which earned him another eye roll from Derek. He didn't deny it, though, which was pretty much an agreement, right?

"Erica is downstairs, preparing some sort of soup — a recipe she got from Lydia, apparently — so if you can, try to eat some." Derek placed his hand against Stiles' forehead, his skin cool in comparison. "Your fever seems to be going down."

Stiles couldn't help smiling.

"You're surprisingly good at this," he whispered softly, lifting their entwined hands so that he could give Derek's fingers a kiss. "Playing nurse, I mean."

"Hardly," Derek replied curtly, displeased glare in place. It was mostly just for show, though, and they both knew it.

"Tell me," Stiles cajoled, tugging on Derek's hand. "Were you worried too?"

Derek frowned. "What kind of question is that?"

That was almost answer enough, because Derek only got crankily defensive and difficult when he was trying to hide something. Stiles grinned.

"Were you? You were, weren't you? I'll be sad if you weren't." Stiles pouted. "I've been here for _days_ almost on the verge of _death_ and you're telling me that my boyfriend — my strong, gorgeous alpha, no less — wasn't the least bit worried about my—"

"Fine, just— shut up." Derek shook his head, but he was smiling soon enough — somewhat exasperatedly, granted, but unmistakably fond. "Yes. I was worried. Happy now?"

"Ecstatic," Stiles answered, reaching out to grab a hold of Derek's collar. "Now come here and let me give you a disgusting, slobbering kiss to show my gratitude."

Derek, understandably, didn't exactly lean closer.

"You still look like shit," he reminded, but there was a hint of fondness in there somewhere. He gently took Stiles' hands in his, before bending forward and kissing Stiles' forehead. "Get better first."

"It's not like you can catch anything from me. You're, like, immune," Stiles whined, but secretly relished in whatever attention Derek was willing to give him.

"That doesn't mean that I wish to become intimately acquainted with your less-than-enjoyable body fluids."

"But you certainly enjoy some of them," Stiles shot back immediately, waggling his eyebrows. Derek must have known that the conversation couldn't possibly end up in any other direction once he said something like _that_.

And, sure enough, Derek bravely suffered through Stiles' lame attempt at a joke, only allowing himself a heavy sigh before giving Stiles a deadpan look.

"Try to get some rest. Erica will bring you some soup when she's done."

Stiles held on to Derek's hands, stopping him from getting up from the bed.

"Hey..." Stiles smiled, genuinely this time, his fingers wandering over Derek's in a somewhat clumsy but well-meaning caress. "Thanks for caring."

Derek's entire posture softened and he soon leaned in once more, placing a lingering, tender kiss on Stiles' forehead. Stiles closed his eyes, breathing in what little of Derek's scent he could catch with his stuffed nose, soaking up the affection so blatantly obvious in that one, simple gesture.

"Always, you idiot," Derek whispered, so low that Stiles barely even heard him.

He beamed from ear to ear, and even if he was still dizzy from the fever and couldn't quite make his limbs work properly, he was happy. Miserable, sure, but still happy.

Derek did that to him.

"I love you too, Sourwolf."

"Don't call me that," Derek muttered, but really — he didn't sound the least bit insulted.

 


End file.
